I’ve been talking to this guy who took me out to two dates. He’s really sweet and cute and seems serious about things so i’m looking forward to meeting him again. we’re both 24.
But he’s been texting me everyday since we met on bumble a few weeks ago. And i even put in my bumble bio that i’m not good at texting so i prefer chatting over dinner.
I usually just respond after many hours bc im quite busy and am not good at thinking of good replies or keeping conversations going over text.
But he just keeps it going and going and asking me a bunch of different things each day. it’s really sweet and feels nice but i just don’t like texting all the time.
He told me two things at our last date that maybe explains this, 1. he’s never been in a real relationship before and 2. he’s been ghosted by the last two girls he met online. so maybe he’s just excited and scared of me ghosting him.
So this is why i’ve been trying to reply. But tbh i just don’t like texting and to me i like it better if we just text or call to plan dates, then save the talking for when we meet. maybe send a meme or two through out the week but that’s rly it.
I thought about just not replying anymore but i want him to ask me out again. so i don’t want him to think i’m not interested in him.
what do i do.
20 comments
“I like you. I’m open to spending more time together. However, I don’t like texting all the time. Would love to converse in person though!”
Not sure if that’s 100% how you see it, but you seem very caring of his feelings. Respect yours too and communicate it.
Perhaps you could let him know that you’d rather catch up over a phone call or in person, depending on your schedule. It’s okay to have different communication preferences 🙂
Why don’t you just ask him out?
>But tbh i just don’t like texting and to me i like it better if we just text or call to plan dates, then save the talking for when we meet. maybe send a meme or two through out the week but that’s rly it.
>I thought about just not replying anymore but i want him to ask me out again. so i don’t want him to think i’m not interested in him.
Then do all of this then, except not replying since you’re still interested. Either suggest going out or straight up ask him.
You’re just going to have to tell him the deal about your texting habits (since he’s still relatively new)… you being busy, you prefer face to face interaction and assure the interest is there (due to his past). You sound decent so I’m sure you can make it not sound like you’re penalising him. If he can’t accept it, and without bashing him too much, I get why he got ghosted before.
Memes would do me just fine and it is up to you of course, but suggest a video call sometime during the week for 20 minutes to catch up. That trumps texting.
Ask him out…? Or say:
“Hey! I like you. But I would prefer less constant communication. If you could dial back on all the texting and relax, that would be great, thank you.”
Tell him in person, he might get offended by text because it’s difficult to tell a person’s emotions.
Tell hin you like to be treated badly
Maybe instead of getting him to dial back his, you get him to acknowledge and believe you when you say that yours won’t change. Don’t expect him to change but make sure he doesn’t expect you to change and just keep good communication otherwise. Y’all might not have compatible communication styles if he likes texting a lot, but if he likes you and understands that’s how you are he’ll get over it
Have you tried telling him exactly what you are telling us? “I want to see you again and am interested, but I prefer space when I’m talking to someone.”
🤦🏾
Ask him to hangout or something.
It’s refreshing to see someone else say they don’t want to text everyday. I can’t stand it lol.
Why can’t you just reply when you feel like it ? Imo don’t say anything just actually text less . Does he double or triple text you if your ignoring him?
Why don’t u ask him out, not say anything and just not text him back much
>But he’s been texting me everyday since we met on bumble a few weeks ago. And i even put in my bumble bio that i’m not good at texting so i prefer chatting over dinner.
Good news! You can tell people this at any time.
Bad news. Most people will want to communicate with their dates / partners beyond the face to face. I’ve dated women like you and it’s kind of miserable. Given his propensity for messaging, it’s likely that this arrangement won’t meet his needs. You’re going to have to compromise unless you’re willing to wait it out for your doppelganger.
One message a day is what my partner and I do, and I honestly think that if you can’t send someone one message that takes five minutes to write or less per day, then perhaps you aren’t ready to date, because dating requires prolonged, sustained effort.
Just let him know you arent comfortable texting every day but you’re really excited to hang soon!
You’re allowed to have boundaries. If he has trouble accepting that then you two may just not be compatible
Be upfront
Maybe tell him it’s a turnoff for most women.
Even as a guy it’s a turnoff for me. It’s just awkward. Like you don’t know the person well enough to assume how they might act or do. Also it communicates he’s not busy and doesn’t have much going on if he’s texting all the time. Probably why he was ghosted by the last 2 women. Not being harsh just being honest.
You say:
“Geoff, I wanted to thank you for the dates we went on. But I don’t think this is going to work out on my end. We have different attachment styles. I will eventually resent you and cheat.”
I don’t cope well with constant texting early in either. I do my best to reply but I have a busy life and I find it a turn-off.
I think maybe just tell him (in person) that you hate texting (except to make plans or the occasional meme/joke) and to call you instead; but ‘let’s take this a little slow because I also don’t have time for long phone conversations every day.’ Just explain that you like him but you like to take your time getting to know someone and not rush in, and also you’re doing your best with the texts but you feel like you’re failing because you’re just not a texter. Be honest but gentle. Maybe throw in a joke or two. Hopefully he’ll get it.
I do think that starting out, people should try to match energy with the person their dating and not make things really one-sided either way. He possibly hasn’t learnt that yet.
I’m somewhat similar to this guy and I would say your assumption is probably right. Just be up front about where you stand on the matter. Just be honest and forward and I’m sure he will enjoy it. If he just wants to talk to you a lot, could suggest more dates but don’t over think it. As soon as he hears “I want you to ask me out again” I’m sure a lot of what you have to say will get easier. If someone told me something similar so I know I am not doing something wrong I’d be good. Not sure how helpful that is but, good luck.