I try to burry my inferiority complex but it shows itself when I masturbate

I try to burry my inferiority complex quite often and try to pay very little attention to it but when I masturbate I find that these buried feelings are manifested. I just want to be white or at least have fair or white skin. I envy those who have fair skin and when I masturbate I want to have sex with a fair skin man. I find my brown skin to be ugly and unattractive. And it’s not just any type of “white” skin guys that I want it’s the dark featured ones. The Southern European and Middle East ones who have fair skin but dark hair. I’d love to have sex with them. I think this is because they have rejected me so much they make me feel like an alien and they make me feel worthless about myself. They treat me like I’m inferior and like I don’t belong. Some were even racist to me too. I was never able to ever connect with any of them at all not even on a platonic friendship level they were the ones who were always out of reach and always looked down on me. No matter how much I try to connect with them they all shoe me away and reject me. I only started developing this desire the more they rejected me. I found that the more they hurt me and the more they make me feel inferior because of my brown skin the more my mind sexualizes them.