Hi everyone, my (22M) sex life with my girlfriend (22F) is amazing. We are very open about our desires and have done a fantastic job communicating and working with eachothers body’s. We’ve been having penetrative sex, but my girlfriend and I worry about facing pregnancy. I understand that by the nature of the act, it will always inherently carry that risk. We actively use condoms and I never cum while inside her, but we both admit to feeling a little bit of anxiety after the fact. She has been very clear that birth control isn’t something she is interested in exploring, and given the known side-effects that feels perfectly understandable. Due to personal reasons she has communicated before that if she were to become pregnant it would be very difficult for her, and abortion may not be an option she would explore.
I was wondering what sort of creative ideas there are to continue being able to regularly penetrate her without running the risk of pregnancy. I mentioned I wouldn’t mind using a dildo on her and she was enthusiastic about that alternative. We are considering a strap-on, and matching the dildo to my penis size. I was wondering about how that would line up with my penis, and if possible would there be any way for me to receive pleasure from that was well? My penis is a fair size, at just under 7 inches so I don’t know if it would be difficult to wear a strap-on or how exactly that would be oriented. I just really enjoy the intimacy of being able to hold her while pleasing her, and hope that we can continue doing that regularly. PIV sex isn’t off the table, just something we want to engage with more sparingly.
Anyway – any suggestions, thoughts, ideas are all welcome!
4 comments
Ass
Research natural family planning. This method works by avoiding intercourse on fertile days. This with condoms is pretty close to full proof.
Has she looked into an IUD? That would seem like a natural thing to pair with condom use if she doesn’t to use a hormonal BC option.
Your strap-on idea isn’t a bad one but 1) if you’re using it on her, it’s harder to control pacing/depth etc. because you can’t feel what’s happening inside. The two of you can figure it out with good communication but there’s likely to be a learning curve. 2) You’re obviously not going to feel anything. You could look into a thin penis sheath instead, which is like wearing a dildo skin over your own penis. It would give you more girth and length though and that may not feel comfortable for her, depending on her preference around size (you’re already above average so adding even more onto that might make things uncomfortable). With the sheath, you at least might feel something more in the process.
If I can say: the two of you are being quite responsible on one level but you’re also trying to have things “both ways”, which is to say: you want to enjoy the pleasures of sex but you’re also holding back out of anxiety. Personally, I think it’d be healthier, both of each of you mentally and as a sexual couple, to work through your pregnancy anxiety. It’s like you have a pool and you really love swimming but you’re also afraid of swimming because you’re worried you might drown. Yes, there’s always *some* risk, of course, but if you do things responsibly, the chance of that actually happening is incredibly low.
Using a condom (correctly, I presume) is like swimming with arm floaties. Combining that with pulling out is like swimming with arm floaties in the shallow end of the pool. At that point, if you’re still afraid of the water, your fears have crossed from “reasonable” to “irrational.”
And look: both of you are in your early 20s so I get it. You lack experience and perspective and that’s ok. I’m am not, by any means, urging you to throw caution to the wind and start going bareback. But it may be worth going to a family planning clinic together and speaking with someone about your pregnancy concerns and BC options, just to arm you with more knowledge and ideally, a greater awareness of risk in a way that could help alleviate some of the anxiety here and allow both of you to enjoy a “normal” sex life that still keeps the risk of pregnancy as low as possible.
And it may just be that this needs some time and if the two of you are still together at 25, maybe some of that anxiety will have already faded.
Don’t get too hung up on PIV/penetrative sex. There a lots of other ways to pleasure each other that includes holding, touching etc. Mutual masterbation can be very sensual and you can make sure that each of you get what you want since it’s not so focussed on the man cumming.