Regarding everything in terms of social life, friends, dates, fwb, etc
Even if someone had interest in say: hooking up with me, friending me, etc. And it takes only ONE instant of them down the road where if I felt they lost some interest (in the moment), I just immediately lose my interest in them.
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I don’t get angry or upset. I honestly don’t know how to describe it. I just stop caring about hanging out, texting back, ask them about updates in their lives. I’m still there if someone needed help or if they were up to hang out (or in case of hookup with fwb) but during these events, I find myself focusing more on:
as an example:
\- let’s say with a friend, we went travailing. I would be more interested in exploring the area and I would usually just ditch the person (if I noticed they were busy with something else ) and wouldn’t care. And before that, I would have tried to explore everything with them rather than focus on my own thing.
\- in hookups, I would stop caring about the second person pleasure, and focus more on mine (I would still of course listen to their requests and nos) but I would stop trying to go out of my way to pleasure them. And after we’re done, I would leave and not hang out as usual nor bother sharing small talk with them.
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Is this a normal behavior? I started picking up on this recently and noticed I had this tendency a LOT. I don’t know how to fix it :/
1 comment
Stuff like this can stem from childhood experiences. You may have been rejected by someone in the past you were close with, like a bestfriend, a girlfriend or boyfriend, a group of friends, or even someone you had just gotten to know and like who then rejected you (ignored, bullied, defriend, betrayed, etc), which has taught you that when someone you’re interested in shows you any measure of disinterest, you’ll distance yourself from them, i.e. be disinterested, so that you can protect yourself and not get hurt.
This is just an idea / theory, but the brain is wired to chart our experiences in a way that protects us from what it thinks is pain on a physical and emotional level. If we get hurt, it’ll be sure to navigate around potential hurt in the future, even if it’s with someone we’re interested in.
Correcting this behaviour can start with recognising it when it happens, and then doing practicing interest in those very moments. It’s something you’ll have to make a conscious effort doing and will feel unnatural at first, but so does everything when we’re learning something new – in this case, breaking an old belief system / habbit. I’d recommend therapy too, and a therapist would decide if CBT or CAT is appropriate.