I’ve been OLD on and off for 4 years now, and I feel like the quality and success of dating apps has declined noticeably, especially in the last year. I’ve been a very active dater and used to get plenty of matches and go on dates regularly. Last year I think I only met 3 new guys from apps. I get way fewer matches, and of those almost none of them actually chat with me (and yes, I often will reach out first). On top of that, I see a lot of the same people that I’ve seen on apps over the years. Many of them don’t even bother to update their profiles and are still using the same pictures from years ago. People seem to be putting less info and effort into their bios. Are people just burnt out with it all?? I know it’s been exhausting for me personally and the time I spend swiping is really starting to feel like a waste. Are dating apps on their way out?
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OkCupid was pretty much the pinnacle of effort when it came to dating profiles. Once Tinder took over, it was pretty much low effort from there on in. Some people take the time to take new pictures, consider their profiles, even post for feedback on the internet. However, most just use whatever pictures they have, say they love travel and food and call it a day.
There might be some fatigue when it comes to using apps and what you’re probably noticing is your own disappointment with it. “Surely by now I should have met someone…” while people who have only started using it are still getting that fresh hopeful experience.
Dating apps are still as popular as they ever were. Probably even more so. Which also has the (un?)intended effect of polluting the space. There’s a lot more…interesting…characters to be found now. The signal to noise usually doesn’t grow in our favor.
My general advice is that dating apps should be an accessory to finding dates, not the primary method. It’s far less depressing when it’s just part of your strategy.
Best of luck to you.
Speaking as someone who’s been on them for 4 years on and off and has spent more money on premium services than I care to admit…dating apps are shit.
They aren’t actually designed to match people, they’re intended to take your money and give you false hope. For those that have gotten lucky and met their person in there, it was exactly that just luck.
I know I sound bitter and I probably am, but speaking as a guy 90% of profiles are only there to promote their social media and get ego boosts. When you actually to try to have normal conversation and ask them out, you just get ghosted.
While I totally understand dating is just harder in general these days, I’ve kinda just given up. Im just gonna stay single and go through life hoping by some miracle I get lucky some day and meet my person naturally.
It could be. I downloaded one app for the first time 3 months ago. Got maybe 12 likes, of which 2 ended in a match. One didn’t reply to the first message, the other to the second.
A lot of profiles with next to no info, I gave 25 likes so far, and that’s living in an area with some 600k people in 25km radius.
I feel like I just gave it a try to say I did and expect nothing.
They mostly all got bought out by Match.
They are not designed to get people to match. It they did they’d lose their profits.
They do not moderate profiles, remove bots, scammers, or SW folk (not against it, but they do not belong on dating apps).
Honestly folks need to sue em. Or the government needs to break em all up. Or both.
I guess the experience you have will be based on several factors, such as your age, gender, location and what you are looking for
As someone that has used dating apps extensively, my view is that they are generally a terrible way to meet a partner for a meaningful relationship. This is because by nature, they are incentivised to keep you around, by bombarding you with loads of potential prospects, so you are constantly chasing a “shiny new toy”. This leads to many interactions, that are low quality.
If your matches are dropping, you need to consider your profile and the filters you have applied. There is a sweet spot for everyone
If you are just looking for something casual, apps are probably convenient, because you have access to a large pool of people at your fingertips.
My main gripe isn’t even the apps, but the way the dating culture generally (outside of apps) has been influenced by online dating. Ghosting, low investment etc. are all prolific now unfortunately. I miss the good old days, pre online dating.
I think the ratio of online matches to actual real life dates I usually get is 10:1, at best 10:3.
The problem with dating apps working out for me is not the app part… it’s the people themselves once I meet them !
No, the % of people who meet via dating apps vs. IRL is getting bigger. If anything, the apps are growing.
I’ve no strong evidence to back this up but it doesn’t feel that way.
I’m 36M and the VAST majority of couples I know met online. Almost everyone that’s found a partner post-thirty has met online. Can’t think of anyone who met organically in person.
So if there’s a dropoff it’s probably not as sudden as people make it out to be.
A few things that I think make things stand out:
* Successful match/relationships tend not to make any noise and just quietly disappear.
* Unsuccessful daters tend to stay on the apps longer (e.g. you’ll disproportionately see more low-effort profiles because the high-effort ones are as above)
* You’re in a subreddit full of people who typically aren’t super successful daters
* Fragmentation of apps might be resulting in more (but smaller) ponds to fish in making numbers seem artificially lower
All that said if dating ‘apps’ are out it’s just going to get replaced by something which everyone loves for half a decade then becomes horribly disenfranchised with afterwards.
Also, as much as people hate on the apps I feel they’re really just a tool. You could argue that technology and the internet impacts things like attention spans and grass-is-greener syndrome as much as the apps.
I haven’t noticed any decrease in quality over the years, but yes to seeing the same people with the same pics that must be years old. I would say in general it just doesn’t seem like there were ever that many people on them (speaking as someone who only views women’s profiles). One of my women friends mentioned recently that it’s about 13:1 here for men:women on apps so that’s contributing to the “small pool” effect.
I think what you are experiencing is just how the pool shrinks in your 30s. I think being in a city where more people are single in their 30s is the best way around this. I also noticed from your post history that you are childfree and selecting those options or making it clear on your profile could be helpful. The silver lining is that, even though it’s a smaller pool, quantity of matches goes down but quality ideally goes up. Maybe post your profile for review so you can make sure it’s doing lots of filtering for you?
Ive been using dating apps on and off for the last ten years (tinder, badoo, bumble, happn). I open one profile per year (without much sucess), never payed a dime for the premium versions.
Ive noticed then the quality of people decreased drastically, demands went to the roof and Ive seen the same profiles more than once.
Yes, you get burned out and want to put less effort, I always completed my profiles with updated pics and bio, but still, less desire to even swipe. Also, each time I open a profile it takes less time for me to close it.
Disclaimer: I just finished writing two really dense essays for school and my brain is a little fried, so I’m probably not articulating my thoughts well in writing.
During the pandemic, apps really surged in popularity because there wasn’t really any other way to safely meet people IRL. Pursuant to this, using dating apps became far more normalized as a way to meet people and far more quickly than they would have otherwise.
I think that the loneliness of the pandemic led to a lot of people joining apps for the first time and putting a lot of effort into it. Consequently, that also probably led to a massive decrease – real or just perceived – of effort as more people grew tired of or disillusioned with apps. More users, more noticeable decline in effort, and seemingly en masse since their timelines of being on the apps was pretty well aligned with so many other users.
There have always been high effort profiles and low effort profiles, as well as an ebb and flow with effort. The difference now, I think, is that there are more users putting in less effort at or around the same time as each other.
Apps are my only consistent and viable avenue to meet new people because I (38/f) am in law school. That’s an 80 hour/week time commitment on average, and even if I were interested in dating a classmate, they’re mostly a bit too young for me. Mine are paused right now because I met someone fantastic (on Bumble), but I don’t disagree that there are more low effort profiles… I guess I just stayed the course and got lucky!
Are you using free version or paid?
Nope, just dating in general, for me anyway.
I recently joined a dating app and paid for the subscription. The quality of matches was so bad and the attitude of people was so hopeless that I had to give up. I decided in less than a week it wasn’t worth my time and attention. I cancelled the subscription even though I knew I wouldn’t get any refund, yes it was that bad and I have no regrets. I did a lot of research in that time and most people don’t have a clue how to manage their profile or a match. Many lie too. In addition I think the dating companies are failing to provide proper guidance. I left feeling he entire concept of online dating needs refreshing to make it a lot more engaging.
Dating apps work for women, as long as they don’t get totally exhausted and overwhelmed trying to make dates with 100’s of potential suitors. Guys are the ones who should be giving up.
You are probably still using the match group apps (Tinder, OK Cupid, hinge).
They have been messing with their algorithms in order to keep you on their apps for longer, and to keep men paying subscription fees for longer.
I’m having a lot more success finding high quality men on Facebook dating. It is not owned by match group.
Try to use other apps as much as possible, things like farmers only, Christian mingle, Muzzmatch, And facebook dating.
There is a few other very small dating websites that you can also use that have not been corrupted by the new match group algorithm.
i used them for like 2 weeks before meeting my current gf the old fashioned way. Honestly, i dont know if i would go back to the apps because they made me feel terrible about myself when i was using them. However, this might have to do with where i live in the world and OLD not really being too much of a thing
I deleted for a few months to focus on projects and it felt fantastic. Then I re downloaded and have just left it on in the background and check maybe once a week, in my bio I’ve stated I’m slow to reply.
My attention isn’t focused on it, sometimes I match with someone interesting. But because my focus isn’t centralised on finding “the one” I’m prioritising self development and future goals whilst not settling.
Being honest here I gave up on dating apps due to how toxic they are to one self. People start judging each other based on some ridiculous standards that do not make any sense, worried about little things instead of meeting the person.
And the thing for me is, I’m not the most interesting person in the world, so how am I going to “compete” or even be at the same level of the kind of people I see arround on dating apps, people seem to have super interesting lives out there that makes me wonder if I will have a chance even to be relevant.
I know the apps work for some people, I think for me they don’t, I tried to a month or two and got like 2 matches that didn’t even replied back and after that I mean, its hard. The ammount of effort that you have to do to put yourself out there and be a product on a shelf for someone to randomly pick up is just stressfull.
But that’s just me
It’s just not worth the effort
There are plenty of “new here” and “online now” tags on these apps. They’re as popular as ever.
Problem I find is that they’re oversaturated with “regular” people. I gravitate towards creatives and people with niche interests. There are less of them now than 2018-2020.
Just an example: I use Bumble quite a bit because I like the Spotify API where I can see their listening habits. There’s no longer any diversity outside of the top 20 artists in popular music for the most part. Anecdotally, I noticed more selection in that field a few years ago.
I’m less inclined to use them seriously because I have to dig through more profiles to just to be able to swipe or like to have a chance at someone I’m actually interested in, and taking more time out of my life to be bombarded with more ads from the app. Basically only using them for hookups at this point.
I gave up. Partly because of my own preferences in dating, partly because I wholeheartedly believe apps are changing dating culture for the worse. Apps like OkCupid used to put personality first, and you could match with someone based on values, interests, and even personal philosophy. You could get a deeper sense of the other person, before ever meeting up with them. I remember having exciting, philosophical conversations with total strangers, discussing our favorite media, hypothetical scenarios, unique worldviews.
These days, it feels like people judge based on looks and a few entirely superficial, meaningless lines of text. I swiped 100s of profiles who all had the exact same 1-2 puns, mention their love of food, maybe add a sassy comment or a list of dating deal-breakers. I felt none the wiser about who they were as people, what it would be like to spend a few hours in their company, or whether we were coming from a similar value system which means we would mesh well in the longer run. Also there are so, so many men lying about either their age or height. Just swiping for 30 mins a day made me less trusting and less positive overall about my prospects, because of the superficiality and lies.
Getting past that hurdle, the texting. The pressure to text multiple times a day with a stranger, for a few days to weeks at a time. Often it felt like people were just bored and needed something to fill their time. This is my own problem, but I dislike getting to know new people over text at this point in my life. Most of my mental energy goes to work and hobbies, and I see texting as a casual way of communicating about plans and such. Yet, people on dating apps seem to expect constant texting, and it often gets either very long-winded, or it stays superficial and you get spammed with “how was your day? how was your job today? what’s your favorite x?” Texting on the apps felt like a second full-time job.
Finally, the dates themselves. I have experienced an incredible amount of poor behavior. Manipulation, coercion, pressuring things to move faster than my stated preference, being used as their unpaid therapist on the first few dates, childish tantrums, misogyny, patronizing monologues, not taking no for an answer and even stalking. It all got too much, to the point that I realized if I stay on the apps, I will lose all interest in dating and romance completely. Honestly, that may already be the case, for the time being at least.
I did lol I think we all knew dating apps would be a fad and then we’d eventually realize that they don’t really produce any better results than offline dating for 80% of us.
Course a huge reason for that is probably due to the fact that they’re mostly all owned by corporations now seeking to cash in on people’s loneliness.
It **might** have played out different if profit wasn’t involved.
God I hope so. Dating apps are a cancer.
I (m34) use OLD on and off and I’ve never had some kind of “success”
I think meeting people in real life is the way to go for me
Maybe for you. The young and vibrant will still be getting laid.
Also your sex and age matters. Maybe as you got older, maybe you also changed your profile and added new pics that simply are less attractive? And if you have kids, etc even worse.
Not trying to be a prick (which I am) but rather direct.
As a 35 yr old guy I’m getting lazier and lazier to start talking with my matches. So I think deeper nowadays if I’d really like to meet this person irl before initiating.
I think you’re underestimating how many people on the apps found a partner in those 4 years, especially if you were in your late 20s or early 30s when you started on the apps. Of course some break up and come back but it’s a smaller pool every year, and this is the time frame when a significant number of people opt to settle down.
I think it’s also a factor that people are more intentional about how they spend their time. So even if the same # of people were on the apps, you’d probably get fewer date offers bc people are opting to go on a couple dates a month rather than a couple a week.
Of course people do meet others irl but my impression of my friends isn’t that the single people are going off the apps completely. Just changing how they use them as they age.
BTW if you keep seeing the same people sometimes it can be the algorithms at play. If you swipe next to a friend on Bumble they have a “recommend this user to a friend” feature so you could always see if their pool of people is different and ask them to forward anyone who is your type.
I had good and bad experiences on dating apps. Lately the last year all turned into nothing but disappointment. Although, I met my now boyfriend a few months ago and my life has turned around and we are so happy together.
I think it’s important to stay on then, more and more people are using them now. But it’s up to you to not get yourself burned out, lookout for the clear signs from the get go of people not showing same interest, etc and cut them off right away to save yourself the resentment feeling towards online dating.
My best friend also had the same experience as me. Same with my now boyfriend. So many dates and talking fazes which lead to nothing. But now all of us are in our own relationships. My best friends with a guy who had a similar experience. And now me with my boyfriend who had a similar experience!
I hope so
I prefer Hinge for exactly this reason. Of the big 3 OLD apps it requires the most effort though that still isn’t necessarily a lot.
I gave up because I’ve met most men who are broken on there and who wasted my time.
I have given up completely with apps. In my area there are hardly any people and it’s the same ones all on the dating apps. I’ve noticed there are lots of girls who never use them, who I know are single.
Also I’ve found there are a few new girls who go on and then quickly disappear on hinge. It seems they have a quick browse and get off quick as they don’t want to appear to be on them.
Trouble is meeting in real life seems hard these days even with lots of hobbies and going out.