Yep, pretty much what I put in the header. My boyfriend ‘Tom’ and I have been dating for 1.5 years. He’s always been very touchy and sweet. He was always hugging his friends and holding hands with everyone (guys and girls). I’m actually not that touchy but he didn’t seem to mind.
Now about 3 months ago, Tom has met a new female coworker ‘Lisa’ and they became friends REALLY quickly. At first I was fine with it because Tom has a lot of girl friends and I’m not a controlling type. (Even though this Lisa was very very pretty, which made me feel kinda conscious.) But stuff are turning weird lately. He spends a lot of time with Lisa, they cuddle together and he even gives her foot rubs. And when I told him about how it makes me feel weird, he said that he’s really sorry, he didn’t really realize how it would make me feel. That they are just really good friends and that’s it, and that Lisa just happened to be a very touchy person as well so it works for them. He told me again that they are just friends and nothing more, and that he loves me. He told me that he’s ready to cut off ties with Lisa if I wanted him to.
I just don’t know what to think. What do y’all make of the situation? I really don’t wanna be that person that’s like “choose me or her” but I just feel really weird about him and Lisa.
Thoughts?
TLDR: basically the header lol
17 comments
This is kind of weird for him to do tbh. Honestly, I’d say go for cutting ties. Obviously they can’t completely cut ties because they’re coworkers, but if you aren’t comfortable with something, then you aren’t, and you need to set boundaries around that. They can simply go to just completely professional and interact in the professional setting
It doesn’t make you a bad person if you’re uncomfortable with your whole ass bf cuddling and being intimate with other women LMAOO. That’s just how relationships work. You set boundaries on things that you don’t like, and HE offered to cut ties without you asking for him to, so you aren’t being even remotely controlling here either
I think you should still be really cautious tho. I’m not saying that it’s going to happen, but it’s well known that people that cheat commonly do it with coworkers and friends.
If my SO was cuddling and giving foot rubs to another woman, I would be pissed as hell. It wouldn’t go down very well. It’s unacceptable behaviour in my opinion, for me, a boundary would be crossed here. He would need to cut the friend or not spend cuddling time with her.
If my husband did this, he’d be packing his stuff. No, this is not normal. Learn to put up boundaries, girl. You need this skill for relationships AND life.
You are allowed to set boundaries with what you are and are not comfortable with. That is your right.
Just like he is also allowed to do the same.
He is also allowed to decide that a relationship isn’t for him if there’s a boundary he doesn’t like. Also same as you.
I think most people would agree that having an expectation that ones partner wouldn’t be sharing physical intimacy with another person is a fair expectation.
Ultimately though it’s up to you and your partner to decide what is fair and not controlling.
For reference there are people out there who have the boundary that you can’t have friends of the opposite gender. To a lot of people that’s not acceptable, to some it is. As long as you are both honest, open, communicate clearly, and agree, then it’s not a problem.
When I say agree, I don’t mean someone has to agree with a boundary, I’m shortening down that they agree to stay in a relationship with that as a boundary.
When I’ve had issues like this with my previous SO’s, I’ve been successful getting the point across saying something like “well look I didn’t know it was ok on your end if I was to meet some good looking guy at work and lay with him when we watch shows together and have him rub my feet. I’ll just be more open to that from here on out”… and then see where that conversation takes you.
Am I the only one who thinks of Pulp Fiction after the mention of foot rubs?
Nope. No. Never. He can take his stinky feet fingers and rub himself out. Not playing with some dude cuddling with another chick and getting her toe jam under his nails.
That isn’t normal and I wouldn’t feel okay with it.
Yeah, no. This is not normal friend behavior. They’re either hooking up or he WANTS to hook up with her. Dump him.
There only woman he should be cuddling with is YOU! It is a blatant disrespect to you and your relationship for him to be doing that. Stop being so nice and tell him it’s wrong and it makes you uncomfortable.
That’s not normal wtf
If my man gave another woman a foot massage and cuddled with her I would consider that cheating and leave him. He would also be very upset if I am rubbing on another guy. I would also consider it cheating if he is hanging out at another women’s house. Hell no. And why does he even want to do that with another woman? He is with you….don’t you think it’s wierd???
It would be one thing if it was a friend he’d known for years (even that I would be uncomfortable with tbh) but a new coworker? Nah.
How do you know they’re cuddling/he’s giving her foot rubs? Have you met her? What is she like around you?
Those are mostly just me being curious, because no matter what the answers are I feel like you’re well within your rights as his gf to ask him to stop.
Oh he definitely likes Lisa and she likes him. You should be very worried.
>spends a lot of time with Lisa, they cuddle together and he even gives her foot rubs. And when I told him about how it makes me feel weird, he said that he’s really sorry, he didn’t really realize how it would make me feel.
Didn’t realize how you would feel? Lol bullshit. Did you flip it around? Like ” oh cool, so I don’t need any boundaries with any male friends either and I can snuggle them and you’re cool with that? Great because I actually made a new friend a couple months ago and he wants to snuggle. Since we’re just friends I guess it’s totally cool, glad to know” watch him change his tune real quick and think it’s not okay for you to do but totally okay for him.
No wtf. Yes you should be worried
Eject.
Yep, that’s weird AF! I would tell him absolutely no more cuddling and foot rubs or he is GONE.