How do I go from flirting to asking them out?

7 comments

1. Forget about everything in that moment other than that girl and say the words. You can think about your problems later. It works with me.

2. >ow can I ask for a number or a date if it’s a small interaction, like gym or night out, running errands.

   “Btw, I’d love to have your number, if you want to stay in touch and maybe go out or something.” and “Would you go on a date with me?”

   Like, the words you use really don’t matter, as long as it’s understandable what you want, and the answer is already pre-baked into the interaction. They will either accept your request or reject you. Not something you can control, so worrying about it is a fool’s errand.

3. Do this one of two ways

   ***the Confirmation***

   Ask, out loud, “Are you flirting with me?”

   If they say “uh, duuuuh” or answer in the affirmative, say, “Huh. I like flirting with you. Wanna flirt over dinner?”

   You’re not asking them out.

   You’re asking them if they want to flirt with you at a future time and place over food.

   If they say no thanks, then asked and answered. No biggie.

   The Confirmation makes sure you aren’t misreading their intentions or that they think they’re doing something they don’t intend to do. If they say “I’m not flirting”, take them at their word, apologize, and say, “my mistake. I’m sorry, I misread all that.” And then take that as a learning experience to revisit the behavior that you think is “flirting” and make sure it is, in fact, flirting.

   ***The Cold Call***

   Don’t ask if they’re flirting. Just say “I like flirting with you. Wanna flirt with me for a few hours over some food or maybe some coffee/tea/liquid that people consume socially?”

   Then follow the remainder of the steps.

   This shows more confidence, but it also can run the risk of being a complete record scratch if there is the above mentioned disconnect between what you think is going on and what THEY think is going on.

   Remember that in many cases what males think of as “flirting” can be, straight up, just someone being nice to another person they have no interest in, especially if that person is engaging in social activity purely because of their sexual interest in the other person. That may not in fact BE flirting.

   I’ve flirted before but the object of my flirtation had no clue and just thought I was being funny. And I’ve just been the oblivious person who genuinely did not comprehend that the woman was in fact expressing interest.

   It’s not “romantic” but in general, I find it works better in the long run to reduce the signal to noise ratio as much as possible before moving to the next stage of anything.

   This is also specifically tailored to the OP’s situation, where they lack the confidence to take the next step. Rephrasing the ask in their head as extending the sphere might make it easier for the, to make that leap.

   I personally wouldn’t, because I never worried much about being rejected. If you’re not willing to take a risk, you aren’t going to get the rewards, and the rules change for every person.

4. As a side note:

   OP, seriously. Your low self esteem is what’s going on here, and you’re not going to consider yourself a valid partner until you actually, you know, LIKE yourself.

   >I carry a lot of shame…

   > I always view myself as less than…

   > inside I’m dying

   > I’ve never been taken seriously by my family

   Yo, brother. These aren’t issues about ***flirting***. This is you not thinking you’re worth what you are. This is YOU grappling with self-doubt, and no amount of asking people out on dates will make it better unless you get ahold of it and tackle that stuff in your own life, for YOU.

   I have been there. I recommend talking to a therapist, or finding out if your work has access to therapy sessions, because this stuff, if you don’t resolve it, will ALWAYS poke its head back up to say hi. You can’t get rid of it, but you can learn to live with it and not let it get in the way of the things you deserve.

   My advice? Talk it out with a professional who can work with you to deal with this, and untangle your emotional issues from your perceived inability to connect to someone else BEFORE you try to seek out a relationship.

   I hope it works out for you, man.

5. Cut the conversation short while there are still things to talk about. Let them know that you are enjoying it.

   Depending on how aggressive you want to be, you can either ask or directly suggest continuing it later. You can ask them if they’re interested in continuing it, or you can outright suggest a place to continue it at.

6. This might sound weird but it works for me in other arenas than women.

   I pick a person I want to be for a day and I be them (mainly their confidence). It’s a defense and barrier really but it’s strangely effective.

   Today I’m going to be Tom Cruise (minus the weirdness, Scientology etc.) because I know if TC wanted a woman he liked he’d go straight for it and ask her out.

   If it doesn’t work out, and more times than not it does, I just go back to being me tomorrow.

   It’s a bit of fun but it works 🤷🏻‍♂️

   Now feel free to call me a nut 🫣

7. “I’m having a lot of fun talking to you and would like to see you again. Can I get your number?”