Hey community.
I’m (28F) married to my amazing partner (29M) and sex is loving and nice but it’s vanilla. It’s vanilla as a result of the both of us, not just him. I enjoy when we do have sex but I seldom am super eager or excited for it. Mostly just because it’s repetitive and we kind of just jump straight into penetration most of the time. I’m still learning about my sexual preferences but I think I’m most stimulated by foreplay/buildup/visually and verbally responses.
My partner has told me to communicate with him and that his aim is to please me. In this past I ha’ve told him some things I really enjoy, like to be choked and have my hair pulled. He’s incorporated hair pulling on rare occasions and choking only a few times a long time ago. I never pressed him on it because I don’t want to pressure him to do something unnatural to him. In my mind, he knows I’m into it and it doesn’t come naturally for him to do it with me. He has mentioned it feels unnatural to choke and inflict pain during sex, but I explained to him I’m not looking for pain per se. I’m not into rough sex either but I have a few kinks that turn me on a lot during sex, one of which is mild choking. I want to experience a more adventurous and flirty sex life than we currently do. Historically, I’ve been attracted to dom guys and I went into my marriage aware that he is not super dom. As a matter of fact, I think he likes dom girls, himself. I’m okay with switching it up but ultimately my biggest turn on is when my partner is assertive and a little pushy lol. Another kink I think I’m really into is “praise kink”, according to my reading. I want to be told that “I’m a good girl” and that whatever I’m doing in the moment, I’m doing well. It’s just weird to bring this up to a partner, especially because he has certain sexual insecurities as it is. I am scared that telling him “I want more variety” in our sex life might hurt his feelings and make him feel like he’s not doing enough. I’m not sure how to bring it up and when it’s an appropriate time and setting. Please advise.
3 comments
> My partner has told me to communicate with him and that his aim is to please me.
From what I read, he wants to please you choke kink, yet that it seems to bother his senses of sexual pleasure. I can be a passive male at times, hoping for the woman to be assertive. It helps give me the desire to return to be more assertive. Then it became circular and got better.
Communicate to him, and maybe first try being assertive and show some enthusiasm and lust. This may kick start his ego to feel like he can be more assertive.
Just talk to him and ease into it. Most of us men will deliver the whatever our partner wants. Marriage is about experiencing all sorts of new things especially in the sex department.
Have you tried telling him to choke you or pull your hair during sex? Maybe encouraging him and giving him a push is what he needs. I like being degraded and it’s very unnatural to my husband but he will smack me, choke me and calls me disgusting names during sex. I LOVE it and he plays the part so well. But I know he doesn’t like it per se. And I love being praised at the same time. When we tells me I’m doing a good job or that I’m a good girl. Gets me every time.