Throwaway for anonymity. I (17M) have had a massive crush on a friend (17F) for about a year and a half now. We’ve been pretty close friends and have a few common interests that we like to talk about regularly. We have a tight-knit group of friends in common and everyone gets on really well with each other. Most people in this group happen to be LGBT, and while no-one is openly gay, they are out to everyone within the group, and it has become a nice safe space for them in what is a very homophobic school.
Within the last week or so, I discovered that she likes girls through some social media posts on a second account of hers. I do not know her exact sexuality though. I found it quite a shock, since she has regularly reiterated that she is straight, and it has become a sort-of running joke within the group that we are the few straight ones. More specifically, she has a crush on a mutual friend (18F) in the aforementioned group, who everyone in the group knows is lesbian. As far as I’m aware, I am the only person in the group who knows about this situation. Naturally, I am quite heartbroken at this, although I do want us to remain close friends.
What I feel is more important is that she is happy. The social media posts mentioned how much she hates having a crush on the mutual friend, since she believes she doesn’t like her back. It’s clearly taking a toll on her, and I want to help in whatever way I can, since I feel like we’re in vaguely similar situations.
So, I have two questions: how do I get over this? And how do I help her out, too?
TL;DR: My crush likes girls, and is crushing on a mutual friend who she thinks doesn’t like her back. How do I get over it and how do I help her out too?
3 comments
She’s probably bi. It’s just safer to pretend to pick one side or the other because there are a lot of people in the world who judge the shit out of bisexuals.
For you, just focus on other things right now. You may need some space away from her while you get past your crush.
You dont have to “help” her with her crush. Let the two people involved either work things out or not. It’s not really your business to intervene (even if your intentions are good).
Keep a healthy distance so your crush fades. If you’re super savvy at dropping delicate hints and sussing out if the girl she’s crushing on likes her back, maybe you can drop a hint.
Beyond that, just let it play out. Not much you can do other than cheer your friend on.