Title explains it all but here’s some extra lore:
My boyfriend and I have been together 4 years. We got together 8 months after him and his ex broke up (they were together 4 years). We have a good relationship, but sometimes I feel like I’ll always be second best here’s some instances why:
1. He sent his exs nude to his old friend when we first got together and asked if he’d fuck her. (Didn’t find that until 2 years in the relationship and we were living together). He said he didn’t know why he did that and apologized.
2. When I found the nudes, he also sent a text to his brother saying he missed his ex (around year 1 of us dating).
3. I also found he would search her up on Facebook daily or at least every other day. When I found #1 and 2. I wouldn’t doubt he still does today I just have no proof.
4. We “made up” and I never looked in the phone again for 2 years. after all that somehow and today he asks me to read a text he got because he was playing a game. I see his friend (different one than from #1) tell my bf his ex is on tinder (in a gossipy way) and sent her profile. My bf then asks his friend if he’d get with her if my bf never dated her.
I know the most recent incident isn’t “bad”. But, it made me feel so shitty and brought back all the old feelings of getting betrayed from 2 years ago and not feeling enough. I haven’t brought this up to my boyfriend… he talks about getting married on day to me and I feel sick now. I’m not sure if it’s my self esteem or my gut telling me something’s off.
We’re also looking to move in April.. not sure if I should lock a lease with him and be trapped a year or just break it loose now and save the heart ache.
4 comments
>My bf then asks his friend if he’d get with her if my bf never dated her.
Ok… what is your BF’s weird obsession with getting his mates to fuck his ex? That’s just… why?
Something seems to be up here. Not saying it’s full on cheating or anything, it just all reads a bit….*weird?* One year in and missing an ex, also a bit of a cuss. Thing is you’re now 3 years later and… lots can change in that time. But this recent tinder event… that just happens out of the blue (quite the catch)… what is going on? All sounds strange.
Sounds like your BF started your reletionship with you before he was ready for it.
He didn’t come to you with a clean slate, he came to you with parts of him still being occupied.
If you two are to work out.. you need to be honest in how you feel. You cannot keep pushing this topic to the side. It needs proper resolution.
Look at the position you are in now, your self-esteem hurts… is that fair to you? Should you keep ignoring yourself and pretend like you’re okay with everything? No.
If you want your reletionship optimized, you need to feel like you’re #1. Its time to properly address the topic. Feeling like you’re #1, is the only way you will fall in love with your reletionship.
Not worth it to you? Then call it off. Be in a reletionship where you don’t have these doubts.
Why put yourself through this? For 4 years you have seen red flags and ignored them. At what point do you say this is enough. He’s cross boundaries and will continue. You’re 23. Find someone that will respect you and prioritize you first. Best of luck.
Why does he care so much about what his friends think of his ex sexually? Idk about him. He does seem hung up on her sexually. That’s not ok.