I (27f) recently started seeing this guy(40m) and we both decided that we don’t want a relationship(he travels too much and I am moving in a few months) but we want regular sex. So we are trying out having a casual friendship where I come over to hang out, smoke weed and have sex.
It’s been amazing so far, he is generous in bed and we both climax multiple times. So far, so good.
Except, for the cuddling. The first time, he kept making prolonged eye contact. Now last night, we cuddled and he was lightly moving his hand all over my body, and he was looking at me again. He had this goofy smile on his face(you the *the one*). I laid my head on his chest and he gently moved my hair behind my ear and was touching my face softly. He is usually a sarcastic and silly man but he was being very sweet and gentle and soft spoken as we talked and cuddled.
It was incredibly intimate and although it was very lovely, I am worried that I gave off the wrong impression here. Should I have stopped cuddling? Should I have gotten up and gotten dressed right away after sex?
Or should I just enjoy the intimacy? Is it normal to be able to be intimate like this and still remain casual?
21 comments
I can disconnect but women imprint very easly and strongly emotionally so decide what u want and talk to him about it. these are boundrys u two need to discuss together.
Where did you even find this 40 yr old man as a 27 yr old?
I like cuddling, but I had the same experience with a woman. She tried to like hold my face and gaze into my eyes after our casual sex. It was way too intimate for me. I simply told her to “watch the movie” in a kind of annoyed tone and she seemed to get the hint.
Her look was also very much “you’re the one”. I am not the one. We agreed to a FWB situation and you’re acting like you’re my wife who hasn’t seen me for years because I was drafted to a war.
If you are worried, talk to him about it. Ask if he’s ok with the intimacy and closeness that comes with cuddling. Emphasize that you aren’t looking for anything serious, just the touch.
Personally, in the past when I had FWB, I loved cuddling with them. It was something that I personally enjoyed wanted as well as sex. It didn’t mean I wanted to ne inba relationship.
I think you need to make it clear again that you will leave soon and you absolutely do not want anything serious.
Why not? Any situatuinship, FWB still a relationship. It’s like relationship without commitment. Enjoy the touch, hugs and everything else . Without that.. it be just like a hook-up.
It may sound callous, but I would put his potential for developing feelings for you second to the risk of you developing feelings for him. Let him worry about him. Will cuddling and other intimacy lead to feelings that will be difficult to break when you inevitably split up? I think that should be your focus. Good luck.
You should do whatever you are comfortable with. If you like the cuddling, do it. If it feels uncomfortable (or you are getting the look from someone you don’t want the look from), just get up and get dressed. I cuddle with one FWB, never with another, and sometimes with another depending on our moods. Keep in mind it doesn’t necessarily mean anything so I wouldn’t read into it too much.
First rule of FWB: if you catch feelings, it ain’t a FWB anymore.
Cuddling with FWB is fine.
Intimate moments are fine.
Being sweet, goofy smiles, all fine.
The only person to know whether anyone is catching feelings are the people having those feelings.
So, ask him.
And if you’re catching feelings, tell him.
Go from there.
But remember rule number one of FWB, ‘kay?
Everyone will have a different opinion but imo I say no to anything that can blur the lines of a FWB situations ie. no cuddling, no holding hands, no going on dates, etc. It works for some but I like to take added measures to make sure no one gets hurt at the end! Makes it easier to stick to FWB. Do what makes you more comfortable! You may want to communicate your feelings on this scenario with him though since it was important enough to post on here.
Enjoy it. Cuddles are nice.
I’ve cuddled with all my FWB afterwards, going straight from sex to leaving just makes me seem like a peace of meat.
I used to do cuddling but then they thought it meant I wanted more and then they wanted more
I dont do much pillow talk or cuddling now
I always leave straight after. Cuddling is for gfs
If you like that enjoy that good time but if you don’t fuck and live
Absolutely nothing wrong with cuddles, if anything just the opposite.
Just because you are FWB, that doesn’t mean you have to treat each other as sexual objects only.
You are not a prostitute, he is not your client, so it’s not a business transaction that doesn’t involve at least some feelings.
It’s supposed to be “friends” with benefits, not just cold hearted meaningless fuck buddies, which means there is still some emotional connection, just no expectations of any long term commitment.
I’ve always cuddled with my FWB and it is something I’ve always enjoyed, not just after sex, but also just lying on the couch watching movies or talking and doing things out of the bedroom as well.
Like I said, if it’s FWB, then it’s supposed to be “friends” with benefits, not just fuck buddies, so the emphasis should be on both, the friends part and the benefits part equally.
Yep ofc
Have a conversation with him. Just ask him clarification as far as where you both are and are interested in, and explain that with the cuddling and different intimacy last night that you have received mixed signals.
And if he seems hesitant to answer like he’s worried he will mess it up, pipe in with a “I am open to exploring something more with you, but if that’s not what you want I’m perfectly fine with our fwb. It seems like it’d be good to be on the same page as you so we can keep enjoying ourselves.”
It all depends on what you’re comfortable with.
If you ask me personally, I’d say: **hell** *naw*. I’m soft and all that borderline relationship shyt with a smash buddy will make me develop feelings.
I’m too old for BS. You want BF/GF benefits? Be BF/GF. I’m not going to be your FWB and your emotional fleshlight.
Nothing wrong with being super sweet and intimate with an FWB. Don’t lose sight of the “friend,” part.
But…also don’t lose sight of the fact that someone can be sweet and nice and intimate with you but still want to keep the relationship as just sex and friendship.
I’ve often had sweet and caring relationships with FWBs, but that didn’t change the relationship for me.
Yeah sounds normal, even though it’s causal it’s kind of weird just to pack up and leave right after, kind of feels like I prostituted myself and now I need to shower the icky off.