So I, female, just turned 19 recently in December and at the time I met my now ex boyfriend I was 18, he is 19. The first time we met everything felt so natural and easy to talk about. We have never fought about anything and it could just be because we are in our honeymoon phase. We had the same future plans and everything seemed so perfect. I am very shy and uncomfortable meeting new people especially parents for the first time because I don’t want to seem rude.
Anyways, we live about an hour away from each other so one weekend I would be at his house and the other weekend he would be at my house. I never really talked much to his parents because I never felt very welcomed. But I still held a conversation when they asked me about stuff and sometimes I would join in on conversations when I felt like it was my place. They very rarely took the initiative to talk to me. Anytime we were at his house and his sister would have home games I would go with them to support her. I have also watched football games with them and his family. Anytime we were over at his house we would go see his parents every night. So this kind of confused me. Out of all the times we are my house we have maybe sat down and talked to my family a total of 2 times. (We have only been dating for like a month and a half at this point around Christmas)
Now it was the weekend before Christmas and I was just at their house that Sunday night and everything seemed fine when I left. So Monday night they had a serious talk about everything and I wasn’t allowed over at their house anymore, but he could still come to my house. They think that I was using their son for money. Which is not the case at all. I was raised and taught that if I wanted something I would need to buy it myself and work to get it. Also saying that he looked drained because of me, that I was trying to take him from his family, and that he is going to loose all of his friends. I was never trying to do that. I don’t think they realize how much I love their son. I was trying to make the best out of it until they had another talk on Tuesday night and he wasn’t allowed to come to my house anymore and if he continued to see me he would have to pay rent to live at their house, phone bill and some other things because of me. So that Friday he was allowed to come see me because it was my birthday but only for an hour or so. We also exchanged Christmas gifts. Both of us are crying and he was saying that we are going to figure this out it is just going to take time. It was so hard to see him leave, we didn’t want this but we knew we couldn’t continue if we weren’t allowed to see each other.
We decided to break it off because his dad didn’t want him affiliated with me at all. I feel like this is such a childish way to go about things and if there was a problem they should’ve came about it like adults and address the situation with both of us so I could be there to explain my side. I feel like his parents are trying to dictate who is with and any relationships has. But at some point he is going to need to stand up for the person he loves and for himself because they will do this his whole life. We are still in contact with each other and he still say he loves me but everything is just so awkward. But my trust issues make it feel like it was just an excuse for him to get out of the relationship without having to do it himself. I have never done anything to this man to make him want to break up. So I’m not sure what to do here. Any advice?
1 comment
This sounds a bit familiar. When I started someone when I just turned 20 her parents couldn’t stand me at first. I was her first big relationship and I think that scared them a bit but her mom’s main problem was the fact that I was an atheist and she was big into Christianity. So it made some sense because she probably thought I was going to corrupt her daughter and get her involved in all sorts of evil acts. She actively tried to get her daughter to date someone else including setting her up with dates with a “nice Christian boy”.
The big difference is that they didn’t try to punish their own child to get them away from me and so we just kept seeing each other. It was only a 30 minute drive for me (she didn’t drive) so we hung out a good number of times a week. Eventually though her parents saw that I was actually a really good person and didn’t live up to whatever images they had of what an atheist is. Her parents ended up loving me and I was with that girl for 20 years.
But instead of blabbing on about my experience I’ll try to figure out yours a bit. I’m not quite sure what is going on with them. If they’ve been very standoffish with you from the beginning then I’d take a wild guess this wasn’t just a clever way for him to break up with you without you blaming him. Unless they didn’t like you and it rubbed off on him and that’s just the way they went about it. Were there any signs at all that he wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore?
If it was just his parents then I could see a good amount of stress being on him if he chose to stay in the relationship. They’ve probably had a number of talks about you. Or at least they’ve made comments or something like that. I’m not sure what type of person you are or how you present yourself around them or if they’re just not going to like anyone anyhow. They probably still see him as their small little baby which is why they’re treating him like one by dictating what relationships he can have. He’s legally a grown adult but they’re still trying to control him.
How much effort has he made to try to keep things going? Does he have any plans on moving out on his own? Do you? To a point I can’t really blame him for wanting to run away from all of this but at the same time I think there should be some sort of motivation to make things work somehow. He just has some really strict parents who want his life to be perfect (whatever perfect is in their heads).