Hello, I am a newbie to sex and BDSM play. I recently lost my virginity to a friend, and while we were doing it he suddenly choked me (lightly) and I realised I liked it and liked the feeling of him over me with his hand on my neck. I am a very shy person but during sex I realised that I wanted to be dominated or treated roughly. I recently saw a collar while I was clothes shopping online. Just a simple thick black prop collar with a large metal ring. I don’t know why I bought it, but I want to try using that. He will come here for a trip soon and I’m pretty sure we will sleep together. This will only be my 3rd time having sex. How can I use a collar with him? I am shy, and I am a bigger girl. How can I ask him how to treat me? Also last time, it felt like he almost bit my nipple off (that I didn’t like because it hurt a lot… but I did like it?) 💀
I’m wanting advice on getting into rough play and how I can be safe. I’m self conscious but I want to let myself go wild and not worry about my body or how I look in front of him. How can I not worry about those things? And how does one use a collar? And… I need advice on how to give a BJ. Last time he said I just dribbled on him and didn’t suck hard enough. 🤣 Any advice in general is welcome
1 comment
Ok, first of all never feel ashamed of your kink and never let anyone kink-shame you! Now, what about that friend? Is he generally nice ans respectful of you? Successful sub-dom relationships are built on MUTUAL respect!!! If the disrespect leaves the bedroom, you have a problem!!! So make sure things are clear on that aspect first. Also, Communication is the most important factor – have a talk, in a neutral setting so u can both think logically! Tell him about your kinks, tell him all the things you want to try. If he’s comfortable too, and handles it in a mature and serious way, then you may proceed. If he’s a mature person chances are he will also start suggesting new things to you in order to figure out what you like and how. Dirty talk is also important to be cleared out beforehand – are you comfortable with name calling, degrading etc? Are there any words or phrases that trigger you negatively? Also, decide on a safeword so you can take a break if things get too overwhelming. Discuss aftercare too! Do u want to be cuddled and pampered afterwards? Do u want to switch to another activity in order to ground yourself? Do u want to hold hands or be left alone? Suggestion: talk about a possible switch of roles, see if *you* can be a dom for a bit (many subs can also be doms). Consent in anything and everything is paramount!!!
As for the bj, just enjoy it!!! Kiss it, jerk it, suck it, lick it, slurp around it, shove it in your face, enjoy it!!! You can also ask him for directions (it’s usually a big kink for male doms to have an inexperienced sub ask for directions in handling their pipi).
And about the collar: he can use it to drag u around like a dog on a leash, to pull u closer, and it’s generally a kinky look on all genders!