I (M24) am desperate. My love and joy in life (F24) just broke up with me and I am spiralling

Tldr: I haven’t eaten a thing all day because I can only focus on her. I fucked up by speaking out if anger and my soul purpose for being happy in this earth left me. Please I need advice

Earlier this week I was diagnosed with a brain cyst that could be causing auditory issues. I thought it was cancer and was extremely distraught. I told no one except for my girlfriend because I trusted her to comfort me as her voice always does no matter how upset I am. She had told me I was being overly dramatic and this really upset me, especially when she stuck to this later in the day. She sent me a text saying she is sorry she has been confused because of her concussion and so I forgave her because I wanted to just keep things happy and move forward. This wasn’t a fake forgiveness, I genuinely just immediately got over it because I really wanted to hold her the next day. We made plans to see each other today, which is also when I found out my family plans to sell my pet. I was really upset and I called her again and she said we can keep the pet at her house but I need to actually do something because I never do anything and it was kind of just putting my down more. This isn’t true, I put a lot of effort getting my mental health, work, and medical school application stuff ready. I got upset and told her I just wanted comfort not criticism, hung up, and told her not to call me back. I should have stopped here and normally I would have as I have a control on my anger but I didn’t. I sent her a message asking her if she was still confused frim the concussion or or if this was her enjoying fake drama. She broke up with me and I spent hours trying to get into contact with her. I went to her house and just left because I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. I came home and scream cried so hard I made my ears ring and almost passed out because I wasn’t breathing enough. I dropped off what was supposed to be her Christmas gift (couldn’t deliver it earlier I had covid) and an engagement gift I was going to give her in a two years as I read online year two of med school is the best time to get engaged. This is a gift that has a jar with 100 reasons I love her and 20 things I plan to do better. I made one note every month starting near the start of our relationship. It was meant to be a reminder to me that no matter what I’ll always love her, but more importantly it was so that if she ever had a hard time and I wasn’t around she could read some notes and I could comfort her even if I was unavailable. It was incomplete as I didn’t anticipate not having time to finish it but it was too much pain to have it here so I wrapped it in the same bag as her Christmas gift with only 60 notes. I left the gift on her step. I have no way to reach out to her and I so desperately want to hear her voice. We have been together for 7 years and the 2nd and 3rd were rocky as we were too young to understand how to deal with issues, and while two years after that were better they weren’t perfect. This last year, with the exception of now and 2 other dates where me or her coming on/off SSRIs made it hard for us to emotionally connect, we have been pretty much perfect and we’re on our way to having no issues this coming year. I am so emotionally broken and feel so empty but pain ridden. I want to be there for her, see her soft beautiful eyes, and hold her right while I listen to her problems over our favorite show. I just want her to forgive me, I was emotionally distraught because of my health diagnosis and I let out the anger I should never have let seen the light of day. I never wanted to hurt her. What am I supposed to do. I wish there was some god given miracle that could allow her to chang her mind. She said she’s tired of a cycle, but we broke out of it over a year ago and the only issues we’ve had were due to either SSRIs giving us mental hell (if you don’t know how badly these effect your mood please look into it. We forgave each other for those issues because we understood how hard they are) or this. Literally one of the notes in the bag was that I’d try to calm down before speaking so I don’t catch an attitude and I fucked it up royally after so long not doing it. What am I supposed to do? How do I feel better? I’ve been in the bathroom tub staring at the wall cause I can’t even look at myself right now. last week I started getting into music and I wrote two songs I was supposed to recording this weekend about her and I’ve been reading these lyrics over and over cursing at myself for letting such a beautiful angel feel pain by my words.