I’m 18F and currently having casual sex with an 18M. He wanted to hookup with me, and because I’m single and he’s a good looking guy(not my usual type) I kinda thought fuck it. The sex itself is good, especially the last time we had sex as it was very intimate. But there are a few things that I’ve noticed and worry me a bit. Firstly I’m not on the pill and I don’t really want to be for personal reasons, and I’ve explained this to him and the first time we had sex he used a condom. However, the second time we had sex he didn’t have a condom, and said he’d just pull out which I agreed to. I regret this decision now, as I ended up letting him finish inside me. And I had to get plan b, which although he said he’d pay for, he didn’t. I wish he would just wear a condom but he says they aren’t comfortable. I’ve had to order a test as I don’t really know his sexual history but I know he’s slept with quite a few people. The second red flag is much more minor but there’s no aftercare, like we don’t stay in bed and chat for a bit or cuddle. He just gets dressed and we have a bit of conversation and he leaves. And the other day he was showing me pictures of girls he has/wants to fuck. I know we are just fwb but it doesn’t do a lot for your self esteem. Is this unhealthy? And how should I end it if so
34 comments
Get a box of condoms yourself. If he refuses to use them, ditch him.
A couple of thoughts:
1. The condom and not pulling out issue is not a red flag against him alone; you apparently agreed to both of these things, you didn’t also take responsibility for ensuring that condoms were available – although the guy wears the condom, both birth control and STI prevention are a joint responsibility
2. Him not helping pay for Plan B is not cool, but not sure it is a red flag
3. As for aftercare, if it is truly a FWB situation, not sure whether aftercare is the norm, but if you expect it and want it, just say so
4. Showing you pics of other girls he wants to fuck is a shitty move; I would be most concerned about the STI issue, particularly if you are not using condoms
Guys are pretty dumb at 18. I was anyways. If you want it to keep happening take care of yourself, buy some condoms and insist on them. As a parent and someone old enough to be your dad take this advice. Boys will push your boundaries but stay firm with yours. Most of them will do whatever it takes to hook up.
yup – lots of the the usual big red flags present and accounted for…
* doesn’t want to wear a condom
* “forgets” condoms
* complains when asked to wear one
* believes “pulling out” is reliable contraception
* doesn’t respect your boundaries (technically him not pulling out when that’s what you agreed to can be considered rape)
* didn’t talk about sexual health, probably hasn’t been tested himself
* treats you like a prostitute, not like a friend
Though for future reference, safe sex is everyone’s responsibility, keep some condoms on you if you think you might be getting laid… you really can’t have too many.
How you end it is up to you. You can point out all the red-flags, just say ‘no thanks’ next time he wants to hook up, or ghost him. It’s not your job to fix him.
man kids nowadays.
I said this on another post- no glove no love.
It was a mantra in the nineties. If I didn’t bring a rubber, I knew I was out of luck. It was that simple. And there are way more, way better condoms now than there were then.
I just don’t understand where this attitude about condoms came from. Who wants a life threatening disease or a life ending (heh) baby at 18?
You are the gatekeeper . Repeat it with me: No glove, no love.
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Keep it up and you will have a new name, hopefully it’s mommy and not STI patient
All kinds of red flags here. He’s not respecting you and ejaculating inside you is just irresponsible. Not paying for plan B is just insulting. There are better guys you can have casual sex with.
Welcome to the marvelous word of hookups
I’d just end the whole situation, but that’s just me.
Not using a condom is a really big red flag.
Secondly as FWB’s you kind of need to tell him that you need the aftercare.
If you want to end it, just end it, there’s no special way how. Just him we can’t do this anymore
You will get an STD or pregnant, on the current route.
Dump him. He certainly wants you simply and exclusively just for the sex. Yes, I know you said it is a fwb situation. Still there should be boundaries from both and they must be respected. Also you said there is no after care whatsoever. I’m a guy and I think no matter the type of relationship, some degree of after-caring is a necessity.
Tell him no condom no sex. If he doesn’t accept that, tell him there are other guys who would love to step in to the role.
Fucking every new girl without condom seems like an std spreader. Don’t be dumb, protect your health – it aint worth it
1. Neither of you wants to use regular birth control.
2. While you’re at least upfront, he’s said he’s gonna do various things to ameliorate that problem (wear a condom, pull out, pay for plan B) and has failed to do it three times.
3. The realities of a FWB situation (non-monogamy, no emotional investment) don’t seem like what you want.
All of those things add up to this being a mismatch. You are looking for a guy who cares about you enough to keep his promises and think about your feelings. Continuing to fuck a guy who doesn’t care about birth control or keeping his promises is a good way to get an unwanted pregnancy and possibly some infections.
I’d absolutely break it off. There can be more caring fwb situations than this, but honestly, I’d just start looking for a boyfriend.
Chalk it up as an L and move on. In this case L stands for Lesson. You have to respect yourself and uphold your boundaries and learn from this. Now you know what you want and need from the next guy. Your young and it’s expected to be inexperienced but you have to protect yourself. Get some free condoms from planned parenthood or buy some so you are prepared. I would personally ditch this guy if it were me. Too many great guys out there who will be happy to meet your needs and respect your boundaries. This is a slippery slope OP. This is not something you need to work on, it is something you need to decide on now and carry throughout your life or you will never be treated the way you. Deserve. “In any relationship (fwb, platonic friend, romantic partner) I deserve to be happy, feel safe, and have my needs met” work on your boundaries and values, clearly define them for yourself. The must haves and the no go’s and write them down. Best of luck! If you ever want advice feel free to reach out on private msg. 💙
I know you are both young but I would end this. Sure condoms arn’t the greatest thing but it def is not as uncomfortable as he probably acts plus seeing he sleeps around please make him wear one. I wouldn’t sleep with this guy anymore. Just tell him you end the fwb agreement and get an std test. Some std’s don’t pop up untill a while after btw.
A couple of things though OP, seeing you are young. Pulling out **does not work** and you will end up pregnant that way. Guys that age are still exploring and will try to push your limits. There is **nothing** wrong with saying no and having your boundaries. No condom = no sex.
He’s 18 and having sex with an attractive girl with no repercussions or commitment. He probably thinks he’s God right now so (trust me I’ve been there). Although I wouldn’t necessarily say “ditch him” you should definitely communicate these feelings to him and make sure that one of you is taking initiative to make sure you’re comfortable. I can’t separate intimacy and sex and any FWB relationships I’ve had were basically miniature relationships where we still went on dates together, cuddled lots to music, etc. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to have the expectation that his focus is only on you when you two are together. Don’t let him wittle away at your self-image just because he’s a good fuck.
Yeah none of that is appropriate. He sounds like a douche.
Tell your FWB – no condom, no sex. It’s that simple.
Tbh you have had your fun – now time to end it. You have had your fun and your seld esteem is still intact.
There is plenty other nice guys out there 😊
Be careful with young men around your age. Like another user said, guys at 18 are dumb sometimes. Condoms are a part of life. We can’t all just have our cake and eat it too. He needs to respect your body.
Just say, “Hey, it’s been fun, but after some thought I don’t feel comfortable doing this anymore. I hope you understand.”
Those are indeed red flags. As a woman yourself, be prepared or save yourself first if you dont want your baby to be fatherless unless you get an abortion. If you only want to have a good time only with others just be with a guy who respected your demands. If he doesnt want to use condom then stop what you both doing, get dressed then go home. I, for sure, if you get pregnant, that dude gone in just a millisecond.
Us guys are preprogrammed to not pull out. It takes a stronger logical signal for us to do so. Get some condoms. Take this into your own hands
Secondly, he doesn’t seem to be caring for you much. He cummed in you and then didn’t follow though with the pill either. That’s two signs. I’d watch for more
Third, fwb doesn’t always include after care. Some people limit the interaction to avoid developing feelings. You need to set your expectations and boundaries with him. This will also be a good test as to if he changes based on your agreement
Set boundaries and stick to it. it’s your body. you can easily replace the guy.
A friend that endangers another friend ain’t really a friend. Wear a condom. First and foremost protect yourself.
He doesn’t want to wear a condom, then you ask if he wants to have a child. If he doesn’t, he’ll wear the condom. I would set a firm boundary of no condom, no sex. You’re both so young still and you’re just starting your own life. Don’t complicate it with a kid
Why is everyone just treating this 18yo boy like he’s supposed to be a perfect responsible rational adult. He’s probably just as inexperienced as OP is. Jeez… give the lad some break. Just focus on giving OP the obvious advice instead of bashing the young man.
If he doesnt have the money for condoms or plan b, he doesnt have the money for diapers and baby food. Don’t risk getting pregnant at such a young age, this is your body, you set the rules! If he doesnt respect the rules find someone who will.
>[not on any birth control] I ended up letting him finish inside me.
Excuse me, what? Do you want a child at 18? Because this is how you get one.
I’d probably just end it
The condom issue is a huge red flag. But on top of that you don’t get after care at all and instead he’s bragging about fucking other girls to you, like he’s basically doing the opposite of what you want. And he’s not even your type.
There’s plenty of better partners out there. No point risking your health (STI or pregnancy) for a douche.
Besides the fact that he sounds like a selfish person, another thing you should be concerned about is plan b only works for some specific days according to your menstruation cycle. During and after your ovulation days, plan b doesn’t work since the only purpose of it is to delay ovulation or the process of producing eggs. Not to stress you out but he cum inside you was a stupid move and you didn’t even agree to that. Should have chopped his dick off right there and then.
Also, if possible, get test to STIs too and dump that little POS
A lot of men have the “it’s not comfortable” spiel.. babe.. find a guy who IS comfortable wearing the condom AND respecting your desires.. that’s the most important .. he’s not even your boyfriend .. you do not HAVE to let him finish in you, if you don’t want to ..