My partner and I lost our virginities to each other and since we started dating have never been super sexual. We mess around, sure, but it never really leads to penetrative sex. This was always fine because we lived with our parents and never had anywhere private to do it so it never bothered me. But he’s moved out now and I came to visit him for two weeks and he would masturbate every day (which I don’t particularly think is abnormal or excessive) which was fine except every time I tried initiating anything he would go ‘sorry honey I already masturbated today’. I feel like the excuses went from not having anywhere to go it comfortably and privately to he can’t stop masturbating for a few days just so we can have sex for the first time in like 3 months (we’re long distance). I don’t need to have sex every day or even weekly but I can’t help feel a little unwanted because it feels like he picks porn over me.
The second part of why this hurts even more is because he has a fat kink where he likes it when small girls eat a lot and become fat. I’ve tried indulging in his kink even though I had very severe body issues when I was younger. Initially it was actually quite nice to stop focusing on being skinny and letting myself get a bit bloated and a little muffin top. But as I did that more I feel like it had less of an effect on him because the porn he watches is like people gain 40kg in a month or something crazy like that and I am just naturally and genetically a very skinny person. So not only does him kind of picking porn over me hurt, it hurts to know that the porn he picks over me is of someone I will never be. I’ll never be super big (and I also don’t want to be, not even because of body issues anymore but because it’s unhealthy). It might not be the case but when I incentivise him with me eating more or drinking a lot of carbonated drinks to get bloated then he’ll want to have sex and we generally will but any other situation and he finds some reason not to.
He says he’s not a very sexual person which is fine but I just find it confusing that someone who claims to not be very sexual is masturbating once a day and sometimes even multiple times a day. But maybe there’s something I don’t quite understand between the urge to masturbate and the urge to be sexual with someone because for me it’s similar and obviously doing it with someone you love is better.
I’ve talked to him about both of these issues and he’s assured me that it’s not me and that he’s just not very sexual etc. But I just can’t help feel unwanted. Especially when he asks me to do all these things related to his kink for me and dress up in lingerie whereas he just comes and goes and it feels like it’s always dependent on what he wants and when he wants it.
I’m not really sure what my question is, I guess I just wanna hear other people’s opinions because I just can’t seem to let this issue go and I am a big over thinker so maybe I’m blowing it out of proportion?
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Especially when he asks me to do all these things related to his kink for me and dress up in lingerie whereas he just comes and goes and it feels like it’s always dependent on what he wants and when he wants it.
THIS. This right here. I need you to read this to yourself over and over as many times as you need to. If this person hasn’t considered your needs, it’s no longer a relationship of mutual interest. As someone who has had experience in the feeding community, a lot of those relationships involve the person with the kink eventually dictating how much the other eats, dresses, and ( in some cases)behaves. BUT as with anything,it requires consent from both parties to have this kind of relationship. If you feel like you’re not having your needs met it’s time to have a talk about boundaries and expectations. I wish you the best of luck, and I hope whatever decision you choose you’ll remember to choose you.
This relationship is leading you to dark places 😢
You’ve not mentioned once your own sexual desires, beyond wanting to be wanted. You are more than your ability to be attractive to a man. What do you want sexually out of a relationship? Do you get horny and want sex? If you do then you should be with someone who can give you that (most people do want sex its not a big ask). The reason it feels like he is the one dictating your sexual relationship is because he is.
Kinks and fetishes and fantasies are great, but some fantasies are just fantasies, and should stay that way. Especially when it’s sexually an unhealthy lifestyle. Yeah it’s hot for sure, but outside of porn, it’s cringy and pathetic to live your life that way. Idk if your boy has a porn addiction, sounds like it but you definitely shouldn’t set your self esteem to the ideals of a fetish. And it could be that he somewhere knows this, and feels bad that he can’t get super into it unless you do put yourself in the position of an unhealthy lifestyle, but knows it’s not fair to put you in that position.
Edit, SHOULDN’T, don’t base your self esteem on anyone else’s opinion or kink, I misspelled SHOULDN’T.
Time to find a guy that appreciates You for You. He’s being selfish, not caring about your wants or needs. And a young guy that only wants to cum once a day? That alone sounds off. I remember being that age, I’d go all day if I had a willing partner at the time.
It seems a big part of the problem has nothing to do with a kink or a fetish. He is an incredibly selfish boyfriend and lover.
to be blunt, it sounds like the problem is that he’s selfish. that’s pretty much my only opinion on this– he sounds selfish and you sound like someone who’s hurt, and who’s going to be hurt more by this man. your expectations are not unreasonable at all. he’s not wrong or bad to have his kink, nor to indulge it… but it seems like he’s neglecting you emotionally and sexually.
normally i don’t say this, because i’ve been there and i know how much it took for me to leave… but you might consider finding someone else, someone who will really care about you.
He seems to have a porn addiction.
He says he’s not a very sexual person which is fine but I just find it confusing that someone who claims to not be very sexual is masturbating once a day and sometimes even multiple times a day.
That means he is a sexual person. He just is a selfish one.
I hate saying this, but so many people post stories here and they just need to be told it, because you have obviously tried everything else, like talk to him, and he didn’t listen. So I am just going to once again say it. You need to leave him.
He only cares about his needs and wants , not yours. He is lying to you by saying he is not a sexual person, but then watches porn, and masturbates at least one time a day. But won’t have sex with you.
You are young, and have so much life left to live. Don’t waste it on a selfish person like him. You can do better.
Run very far away from there girl, you deserve so much Lore than a jerked guy!