Whenever I try to talk to someone outside of my house I always mess up my sentences or stutter. Is there anyway I can improve this? Also, how do I fix my overall awkwardness?

4 comments

  1. Communication is a muscle, it only gets better when you exercise it.

    And like exercise, it will hurt along the way. In fact, if it’s not uncomfortable, you’re probably not working on it properly.

    If you can speak fine in other circumstances or when you’re alone, you’re stumbling on your words because you’re nervous not because you have any kind of speech impediment, but even people with impediments can do exercises to improve. Either way, practice makes it better.

    Here are some tips:

    * Slow down. Decide what point or succinct information you want to share, prepare in your head to stay on that single point. If you try to pack too much information and make your sentences perfect, you will overload yourself with everything you’re trying to say and it will be a mess. You cannot share everything perfectly, you will not communicate how you feel or what you’re thinking in a way that anyone will totally get you unless you literally write a book. Accept that and compensate for it by prioritizing what matters most.

    * Don’t hesitate once you start. Once you DO start speaking, don’t change your mind about what you’re trying to say, if it’s coming out wrong KEEP GOING, follow up to clarify, don’t try to “backspace” your own conversation, it makes it hard to follow and you will stutter.

    * Don’t let people talk over you. If someone starts talking while you’re talking, DON’T BACK DOWN. It’s rude for someone to do that, so don’t let them take away your message. Your words have value and if others don’t value your words, that’s THEIR loss, not yours. Keep talking through the interruption, raise your voice if needed, just don’t be timid here.

    * Don’t rely on humor and try to make everything you say funny. If people aren’t getting your humor lay off the humor and be more factual or practice different kinds of tones to make it known when you’re being ironic or funny. Generally, if you’re already having a hard time communicating, it’s a bad idea to try to also be charming and funny. Humor is a great way to disarm your conversation partners and let people know that you’re in a good mood but don’t rely on it as a crutch or try to be funny when you’re already struggling to be heard and make sense. Learn to walk before you try to run.

    * if you DO tell a joke or say something funny, don’t laugh at your own joke. Smile if someone gets it, if nobody does, you shrug and move on.

    * Talk about what you know. Ask questions about what you don’t know. You don’t have to be the one who fills the silence, instead you can be the one who prompts conversation. Being good at conversation requires you be a good listener so practice that as much as speaking. A good listener isn’t listening to what someone else says looking for an opportunity to jump in and talk about themselves, a good listener has an active and genuine curiosity about someone else’s life. Someone tell you they just got back from a trip? Ask them where they went. What was their favorite part? Why did they go there? Do they travel often? What would they recommend you do if you ever go there? Conversation isn’t about you, it’s about sharing the stage, so let other people feel like they have the engagement you wish YOU had from others.

  3. Pauses…add power. Practice slowing your speech down and considering your words carefully. If someone asks a question that doesn’t generate an immediate answer, consider the question and say, “give me a moment to think about that.”

    Lindybeige and Elliot Hulse are two YouTubers that work dilligently on their public speaking and have made comments on how to be more effective public speakers. It isn’t their specific topic, but they’re both great content creators and their skills/considerations have helped me to become a stronger public speaker which has gotten me into positions of power (more powerful than I could have if I hadn’t emulated them).

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