A couple I know recently moved in with another, but in a twist on the norms, they actually got a two-bedroom apartment and will each have their own respective bedrooms. The main reasons they did this is because one partner is a softer sleeper, plus they don’t get up at the exact same time of the day for work (one works in the office and the other often works remotely on top of it.) They remarked how nice it was because it meant not having to giving up space to sleep in whatever position they wanted in the bed while not getting woken up during the night by someone moving or getting up to use the bathroom. If they want to sleep together, the option is always there.
Sidenote: They’re not wealthy in case your mind was going there, but it just so happened that getting a two-bedroom apartment was a better option than a single bedroom, too.
That said, do you think you’d be okay moving in with a partner if they asked that you each had your own separate bedrooms to sleep in, or would you be put off by them not fully committing to traditional co-habitating couples dynamics?
44 comments
I’m a light sleeper and sleep is VERY important to me. I’d be cool with it
Heck yes. I’m a light sleeper and it’s crucial that I get good sleep in order to be a functioning person the next day. Sleep is too important for my health.
I think this sounds great. Very practical.
I know a good many people who do this.
I guess so, but I’d want to make sure we still COULD share a bed if we had guests, went on vacation, or were visiting family. Or what if we started having kids and couldn’t afford more bedrooms? Would we adjust so that the kid could have a bedroom?
If we aren’t capable of ever sleeping in the same bed, I might not think the relationship was feasible.
It just seems like a matter for the couples concerned. I’m torn because I’m a light sleeper who likes the idea of snuggling 🙂 I totally get why people might prefer it to lots of bad nights sleep and arguing about things they can’t control though.
I’m a firm believer in having separate bedrooms, even in 95% of the time one partner sleeps in the other’s room. It’s really important to me to have my own space and my partner to have her’s.
It wouldn’t be ideal or my first choice but it’s a compromise I’d possibly be willing to make.
Separate bedrooms… that’s my dream.. single woman here…
But first I have to find a man of course 🥺
This is the way
Whatever consenting adults opt to do. I’m an insomniac, my most recent partner was a healthcare shift worker with a crazy schedule. Sometimes they would sleep half the day, and I’d be up at 3-4am. Having space can help alleviate some of that, since the couple would still have the option to share a bed whenever they feel like it. Personal space is a thing, and valid, even in relationships.
This would be ideal for me.
I think that’s a great way to go. Even if you don’t end up sleeping separately most of the time, each person has a space that is their own which is a wonderful thing for a sense of happiness at home.
I’ve done it before and would do it again. I think it’s practical for personal space too. Somewhere to go that is specifically yours!
If you (or they) have a room to do so, sure.
Not every sleep time is sexy/cuddle time.
Nah. I like snuggling and, while a light sleeper, fall back asleep easily.
My last LTR we shared a bedroom. She went to sleep a couple hours before me and woke up about an hour earlier than I. I’d sneak into bed and she’d try to be quiet when she was up and getting ready.
We didn’t have any issues.
I really enjoy feeling my partner next to me and waking up with her there. So I probably wouldn’t be cool with separate bedrooms.
It wouldn’t be a showstopper and probably would slightly prefer it. If I’m at the point of liking someone enough to consider living together, then I obviously really like this person…no I wouldn’t let some society’s traditional view of “must sleep in the same bed” be the thing that ruins it lol
I don’t really think there’s anything wrong with this, but its not for me. To me it feels a bit like having a roommate with extra steps. I would definitely get a bigger bed though.
As long as we could snuggle a lot still!
speaking as someone who has done this, it’s amazing. we still often shared a bed but having the choice made everything so much nicer. when doing WFH it’s nice to be able to have a little separation IMO. i’ve said in the future i won’t go back to sharing one bedroom lol.
I think this sounds like a good and mature solution to problem that many couples face.
After my last relationship, I really don’t even want to cohabitate again. I’d consider having separate sleeping rooms if we could agree on housekeeping etc. I think it’s an excellent idea. I go to bed early and wake up early, and am a light sleeper, so it always annoyed me when my partner would wake me up at night coming to bed.
Absolutely – we do have separate bedrooms, highly recommended. Doesn’t mean you *have* to use them every night, either.
Yep! Better sleep for everyone and can still have weekend sleepovers as wanted.
All the couples I’ve known to do this have broken up. One of them described it as like you’re living with a friend with benefits.
That sounds good to me. I can’t sleep with someone in bed with me. That includes pets.
This is ideal, honestly.
I snore. Not all the time but I don’t want to ruin my partners sleep. I also tend to move a lot.
Basically, I’m kinda shit to sleep next to. So I’d be beaming if my partner wanted this.
I tried to get a “sleep divorce” from my ex because the problems with my sleep were not getting better and he adamantly refused as “thats not what married people do”
Good quality sleep can affect so many aspects of a person’s health, and if it works, it works. who cares what other people think?
If it works for them good for them. I’d be into it.
Yes, I need some space…even if it’s a spare room for my hobbies etc
No, I wouldn’t – it has nothing to do with tradition, though. It’s just that I am *extremely* cuddly and falling asleep cuddled up to my partner is like, the main reason to even be in a relationship. I’m a light sleeper and I’ve been with a man with a completely different sleep schedule, but I could not bear sleeping apart from him.
So, anyone who’d want separate bedrooms or doesn’t like to cuddle is just incompatible with me.
I value my own privacy, so having two separate bedrooms and bathrooms sounds like a dream come true.
Would absolutely love it. In fact if I ever live with a partner again, then only under the condition that there will be a second bedroom with a bed, where I can retreat if I want a night of sleep alone.
I will be moving in with my boyfriend at the end of the month and we will have separate bedrooms and I can’t wait!
We have different sleep schedules and I have a hard time falling back asleep once I have been woken up so this will work way better for us.
Absolutely fine. If these two individuals have different sleeping needs, then this probably works best. My last partner and I argued all the time over the sleep/bedroom because we were complete opposites.
I know of a married couple who has two queen sized beds next to each other. This arrangment works in their relationship.
I think it just boils down to the people in the relationship and what works best for them.
I would be totally okay with this. I WFH and have a house with three bedrooms. One is my office, one is my bedroom, and the other is a guest room that could easily be repurposed as “her” room. I bought it partially with an eye towards a prospective future live-in romantic partner, but also I wanted a house and a three bedroom cost about the same as a two bedroom (if you can even find a two bedroom) so might as well have the option.
My boyfriend is an early riser. I’m talking alarms on weekends and up at 5-6 am. I like to sleep, but normally wake up naturally between 8-9 am. I would have absolutely no problem with us mostly maintaining separate bedrooms, so he could get up and go to the gym and not wake me up. We’ve done this before when he spends nights at my house, but he’s got a one bedroom so it’s not possible for us to do it there. I would still prefer to spend every night next to my partner, but I’m very crabby if I don’t have good sleep for multiple nights in a row. I’d rather get good sleep, versus sleep next to someone.
My partner and I sleep in separate bedrooms and it’s glorious. I’m a light sleeper, he can sleep through a hurricane. I like a cold bedroom, he prefers to be toasty. He likes to fall asleep with the tv on, and I need it to be pitch black.
It’s better for both of us this way, because lack of decent sleep can negatively affect every other aspect of your life.
I prefer it
I actually know a ton of couples who have separate bedrooms. Sometimes your sleep requirements aren’t compatible. It seems silly to give up on a great relationship over a problem that has a simple solution. Personally, I’m a fan of sharing the bedroom but having a second bedroom (or super comfy couch) as an option when my partner or I needs some space.
I spent 10 years of my previous marriage sleeping in a separate bedroom from my wife (now ex-wife) because she’s a light sleeper. I absolutely hated it. She had the master (which she referred to as “her room”), and I essentially had to sleep in a guest room across from our kids’ bedrooms. Heck, we once went to Vegas for an anniversary trip, and we had to get a suite hotel room with a fold-out couch in the den for me to sleep on. It was humiliating. Yes, I understood the reasoning, but it hurt that she never even *attempted* to find a better solution, since being able to lay down and wake up together is very important to me, in terms of building and maintaining intimacy. Thankfully, I’m engaged again now, and my fiancée and I have *always* slept together. It’s wonderful. There’s nothing I love more than waking up next to her, rolling over and putting my arm around her, and feeling her snuggle up against me.
Finding out about a lack of co-sleeping would definitely detract a lot upon learning of it. I can’t say that someone wouldn’t be great enough to continue on anyways, but it would be a very strong negative.
With my ex wife, we used separate blankets/sheets, and there was a body pillow between us. But even with that, there was still a connectedness of cosleeping. With my current girlfriend, falling asleep while touching/snuggling, and sleeping under the same blankets is a really nice thing. Getting to experience this again, after the body pillow experience has really made me appreciate something I hadn’t had in so long.
I would not be able to do this.
One of my favorite parts of a good relationship is being able to hold my partner while I fall asleep. No matter how bad work was, no matter what we argued about that day…she’s always there to be held. It’s like a having a clean start to every day.