My bf (23 M) and I (27 F) brought another girl( 21 F)in on the relationship 5 months ago and they hit it off great. They have been seeing each other regularly and he fell in love with her in a few months. No jealousy from me, I’m happy for them and I feel he has been great and giving attention to both of us, and I have enjoyed the time we’ve had with the 3 of us as well. I have a 3 year old daughter that I’ve been single parenting since she was born. He has been very busy with school and his life plans so hasn’t really been a step parent figure in her life, which is fine but I would like that to change in the next year and I’m also wanting a baby in the next couple of years. This is something we have communicated about regularly and he’s just not ready for that yet but is working on it. He’s very driven and has a complicated major and a high stress job, so I don’t see him much. I brought up before the holidays that I was thinking about chatting with guys more because I think it’s only fair that he sees another girl( her and I aren’t compatible, she is a lot younger than me and deals with mental health issues I’m not wanting to take on) and he agreed that was fine. Not long after, he took it back and said he is not comfortable with me flirting with other guys, and his boundary was set before that I couldn’t kiss them/sleep with them which is fine. I just wanted a connection with someone, a little freedom to talk to who I wanted to. I felt like that wasn’t fair, but I was having conversations with a male co worker that i got along well with and saw no harm in that. When my bf found out we had been chatting and hung out after work to chat a couple of times, he felt so betrayed and lied to that the next morning he came by my place, and dropped a goodbye note off with my possessions I was keeping at his place. I called him and her a lot and finally got in touch with him. He said the relationship can work if I block my friend from work. I don’t think that’s fair as this is a friend of a year and nothing happened between us nor do I particularly want it to. Advice? I am going to talk to him in a couple of days
2 comments
He’s being completely unreasonable and you are asking us to convince you to let him manipulate you. I think you know what needs to be done.
It sounds like a break up is for the best, even though it’s very hard. He’s not secure enough to be in a non-monogamous relationship and rather than doing the emotional work (the *exact same* emotional work that he’s asking you to do by dating another woman) he’s putting unfair restrictions on your freedom so he can avoid those feelings. Major red flag. “Rules for thee, but not for me” is not an ethical way to practice non-monogamy.