I don’t have any relationship experience. So sometimes I wonder: the more relationships you have, is it true the less you invest in them?
It’s something that I fear and suspect can be true. Giving your heart multiple times/the more sex partners you have, do you give less of yourself to each one? Or am I completely off?
I’m just thinking about the future, and thinking of finding someone, and I can be head over heels in love with them, and they can be invested…but only to a degree. Will they feel like I’m “it” and be invested all over again, just as much as I am?
A (probably silly) worry I hope Reddit can put to rest.
TL;DR Wondering if my future partners will be as emotionally open and committed if they’ve had multiple partners before me.
8 comments
If someone’s committed they’re committed. The number of previous partners has absolutely nothing to do with it
I’d say you’re pretty accurate. It is noticeable and the data backs it up.
There are no rules when it comes to this. Nobody can tell you yes or no, we don’t know every ody in the world that will date one day and they are individuals that have their own preferences and behaviors, how can Internet strangers know this? It depends on the person. Go out there and find out on your own like the rest of us.
No, you’re way off base. People invest in their future, not their past. This idea of people being “damaged goods” if they’ve been in multiple relationships is toxic.
That’s not remotely how it happens, happy to report! When I met my husband (in my late 20s, his early 30s), I’d dated quite a few people. (Polyamory can really inflate your numbers.) He’d dated three, only one of them for more than a couple months. I was head-over-heels. Like, it was lucky that he really liked me too, because I was utterly, embarrassingly smitten. You deserve nothing less than to find someone who thinks you hang the moon, and you should expect nothing less from people you date, even if they have more dating experience.
Yes and no.
More relationships = more likelihood of having bad relationships. This makes one jaded to relationships.
But that doesn’t mean everyone has had horrible relationships. Some relationships just end naturally.
Love and emotional committment aren’t finite resources that are “used up” over time thus “leaving less” for partners met later in life.
That idea sounds a lot like a toxic justification for for purity culture and also is tailor made for arguments about “body counts” and yeah, viewing people who have previous partners as “Damaged goods”.
You may not have meant to evoke the “damaged goods” concept, OP- but that is exactly what this kind of thinking is.
Hunny that’s soooo far from true.
My bf is 61. I’m 49. We’ve both been married, have children and have been in recent long term relationships. Bf (who has dated more than I have) is *the* most loving, attentive person I’ve ever met. For my part, I am the same. We adore each other. Have never fought. We communicate beautifully and support each other in everything.