So after many years of verbal and physical abuse from my cousin, I decided that enough is enough, when she again verbally abused me for the 100th time.
My cousin is a typical narcissist, charming, seemingly a fun person to be around on the outside. But behind closed doors she’s very manipulative, vindictive and makes everything about herself .
Ive tolerated this for the longest, because I truly love her siblings and parents. My parents and most of my siblings live in different countries. So they have really become a substitute family. Unfortunately my cousin, unlike her siblings is a lot do deal with. And people around her are kind of scared to cross her. I feel like the family has been enabling her for years.
They always come up with an excuse as to why she is having anger outbursts etc.
As I said I’ve been holding it in all that she has done to me over the years to keep the family peace, but now I felt like I had to draw the line. And I told her calmly that I wish to distance myself from her.
She took it very badly ( of course) and now is seeking real revenge.
She is spreading lies about me, painting me as a villain. She twists and turns story’s. She gets other family members involved, with the hope that they take sides.
She blasts me whenever she sees me , and now that she decided to screenshot and expose messages of mine that I send to her in confidence I really don’t know what to do.
In my last message I threatened to expose her for the physical abuse I endured while she looked after me, ( she’s 10 years older , at the moment age 38). I haven’t told anyone because I tried to forget it myself.
I fear no one will believe me. And when push comes to shove , her immediate family will be loyal to her. I’m just a “cousin”.
So instead of humbling herself , she keeps on going, and provoking me.
At the last birthday party, at her parents house she told me to never return. That’s when I messaged her she better not forget what she did to me and instead of reflecting she got her mother involved who is now asking me.
For the love of her parents I really don’t want to go
down that road.
Tl; Dr: Im at wits end because her narcissm knows no bounds.
How can I make her stop? How can I continue the relationship to her siblings and parents when we are not on speaking terms and she is trying to ruin my reputation.
3 comments
What is her mother asking you?
All you can really do though is be honest to people, do not interact with her at all further in any way if you can avoid it, and be civil if you must interact but keep interactions limited. You can look up grey rocking.
When it comes to abusers, you can’t always keep your social circle. If people decide to side with the abuser, you will generally lose them. It is deeply unfortunate, but you have to protect yourself. And focus on making good friends outside the abuser’s sphere of influence.
Why would she want to screenshot and expose messages where you accuse her of abusing you?
Is she the only person in the family you have a problem with? Likely others are in your same position. Her mother will always have a different angle, don’t worry about converting her.
Be your kind self to everyone. It’s your word/ memory against hers, where is her evidence?