My ex-boyfriend (28M) and I (29F) broke up two years ago after being together for seven years. Our break up was to do with the stress of covid related things and just becoming lazy in the relationship.
Due to some health matters, it was a prolonged break up with the separation taking about six months to fully happen.
Over the past 18 months we have remained ‘friends’ (who are occasionally intimate) with each other. Obviously our history makes being just friends difficult. We have tried on two occasions to go no-contact for a set period of time with each other, but have on both occasions reverted to our “friendship” – which is not sustainable.
We both still love each other, but my ex is very clear he is not in the right place (for health reasons) to be in relationship at the moment, and doesn’t want me to waste my life waiting for him until he may or may not “come back to me”.
Our “friendship” is not sustainable, my feelings for him are still too strong for that. But neither of us are ready to completely cut each other off (although deep down I fear this might be the only solution, even if temporarily).
I guess my question is what should we do? I feel like none of the options we have are good options.
TL;DR: In situationship with ex. Still love each other, but he can’t be in a relationship right now.
3 comments
You need to talk to him and let him know that a friendship is not going to work and if cant have a relationship with you its best to go your separate ways because the only thing you two are doing is holding on to something that is making it impossible to move past. There is no winning in this situation so its time to put a foot down and either love each other thoroughly or move on because NOBODY wants to have one foot in a relationship and one foot out the door. You are both preventing your own happiness and future
Best of luck
So, you’re currently friends with benefits. The answer is to agree to no-contact for a year. And that means NO contact. I’m a year’s time you can consider reconnection in order to redefine your relationship as actual platonic friends. Right now, you are just crippling each other from moving on to a healthier place.
No contact. Move on. Sorry it sucks, but it’s best for you both.