Here’s some backstory, I grew up in a small town and was homeschooled. I was a shy people pleaser, and all of the other negative stigmas homeschoolers get. I thought I was stuck in that phase but I always felt that just was not me, I didn’t feel introverted, I just felt as if I didn’t have much of an opportunity to discover the world and understand the dynamics of a regular conversation lol
As I grew up and moved away from my small town, got out more my introversion left and I developed friends and felt free from my “introversion”. I thought I grew out of it, and people labeled me as an extrovert now I finally felt like I was myself.
But after some life traumas happened, I didn’t feel happy or that free feeling that made conversations fluid. And I had to move back to this small town, already dealing with axiety from my situations, now moving back to the place I felt oh so uncomfortable. Those akward feelings began to build up in me, and it’s seeped into my friendships and I feel akward even to myself, like “why the hell did you say it that way” or “do this that way”. but I decided to get a job as a server to continue to fight this thing, figured if I’m around a bunch of people everyday maybe I’ll come out of this. But instead I’m labeled as the quiet one. On good days when I forget my traumas I feel that fluid and energetic feeling and try to strike up conversation, but now that the entire restaurant labels me as this akward person I feel like there’s no point in even trying to communicate with anyone if my voice isn’t heard. And I feel I’m just making others uncomfortable. It’s a negative cycle, I’m in I’m not sure where to go from here. If I get a new job I’m worried it will follow me. I enjoy my job other than co-worker relationships, customers tell me all the time I’m a good server. I just hate constantly feeling like the oddball in my workplace.
Any advice? Or similar experiences? Please let me know. A lot to read but thanks!
3 comments
Why do you care what coworkers label you as?
What others do is out of your control, let it go.
The only label that matters is the one you give yourself.
It takes me a long time to come out of my shell so I am usually labeled shy, I either eventually get comfortable and change that, or I don’t.
Hi OP,
Thanks for your post. You know, it sounds to me like your personality is pretty dependent on your external situation. When you’re in your small town, where you feel uncomfortable, you feel that you come off as introverted and awkward. But during your time away, in a different environment, things worked much better, and you found a “new you.”
That is so *completely* normal! I have experienced this myself. There are some social situations where I’m regarded as a genius, and others where I’m regarded as an idiot. (I’m sure that sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s actually not.) More importantly, I *feel* like a genius or an idiot because of how things are going.
In part, this comes from how others view me, and how well I fit into the situation, but I also find that I “rise or fall” to the occasion, and I’m actually a different person–confident, social and extroverted in a “good environment,” and as you say, “awkward” when the environment is not so good. I consider myself a very stable person, but the difference is *quite* remarkable, and the key point is that this difference is almost entirely due to the surrounding people and situation.
Anyway, for you, I think this should be grounds for optimism. Most questions on this sub essentially ask, “how can I get along better with other people?” In most cases, people don’t know if they can do this, or how to accomplish it. They don’t know the way. But in your case, you *do* know that you can do this, since you have been very successful with this in the past.
So it sounds to me like a change of situation would be good. Ideally, moving away again, but if that is not possible now, then trying a new job. You know that you have good server skills, and that customers like you, and so this should be a fairly easy move (many or most restaurants are looking for help these days). You may even have to try more than one new situation. But the difference can be remarkable, in my experience.
In the long run, it sounds like some kind of counseling would be good, and maybe necessary to help with your life traumas. But in the shorter term, you should feel armed with the knowledge that you *can* succeed, and that you just need the right situation to do it.
Good luck 🙂