We’ve been dating just over a year and the only relationship I’ve ever been in. In the beginning of the relationship he was completely fine to me despite his family warning me about his mental health. I assumed they were just overprotective because he never seemed depressed to me. Slowly I could see him getting worse, more depressed, self harm, showing suicidal thoughts. I’m not sure if he really was better at the start or if I was blinded.
I’m ashamed to admit this but as I’m a pretty positive person, I started falling out of love because of this. Around 10 months of dating I told him I don’t think we’re working out and all the usual break up talk. He was a mess, begging me not to leave and told me I’m the only reason he hasn’t killed himself yet and if I leave then there’s nothing left for him. I thought about it hard and decided to stay on the condition he goes to therapy. He started getting better and seemed happier but I was still unhappy and not in love. I felt like it was unfair to him to keep this going and I honestly thought he was in a good place mentally to take it.
So we broke up the other day and he took it so much better this time. He told me he understood and thanked me for at least trying. I thought it had gone well but about 5am today he tried to kill himself. I tried to see him at the hospital but they were very understaffed and he’s very critical right now. His family hate me and say it’s all my fault. I’m just sat here crying my eyes out wondering how I’m gonna live with myself if he dies
10 comments
His mental health is not your fault. He is mentally ill. The only thing you may have gotten wrong was not understanding how bad it was. I would give them all some space for a while.
You’re not a therapist or a social worker. You’re a teenager who’s unfortunately gotten involved with a family of blame shifters. None of this is your fault and no one can accuse a 19 y.o. of being evil for not having the skills of a trained psychologist. Walk away from this situation and stop being involved with these people. This guy needed serious help before he met you and he’ll continue to need it long after you’re gone. Allow yourself to move on.
His actions, behaviours, choices, and decisions – EVEN IF THEY INCLUDE SELF HARM – are not and are never your fault or your responsibility.
[https://captainawkward.com/2016/12/05/922-is-it-selfish-to-break-up-with-this-person-even-though-hes-not-doing-too-well-right-now/](https://captainawkward.com/2016/12/05/922-is-it-selfish-to-break-up-with-this-person-even-though-hes-not-doing-too-well-right-now/)
It is NOT OK for him to say you are the only thing keeping him alive – THIS IS NOT ON YOU.
It is not your fault. You are not responsible for his mental health or what he decide to do with his life. You tried your best by bringing him to therapy. He even had family that knew about his suicidal thoughts. You couldn’t be forced to be with someone you don’t live just because he say “or i kill myself!” And actually you shouldn’t go to the hospital again. Do you want to get together just because he did this? No? He has the family and staff. Afterwards he will need therapy anyway.
To really want to end your life, means that he had depression and so many other problems. Just think it this way: if he wasn’t with you, he most likely did have tried it sooner, so you gifted him a few wonderful months. But you can’t force people to change, work on themself, go really to therapy and take antidepressants. This is up to them. You tried what you could.
This isn’t your fault, always remember that.
It’s not your fault. And it doesn’t really sound like his family is as helpful for him as they need to be. My sympathies to the both of you
It’s not your fault and his family is wrong to blame you.
Breakups happen and you shouldn’t be afraid to leave a relationship for fear that they’d harm themselves, that’s a hostage situation not a partnership. They need mental health professionals not a girlfriend.
This isn’t your fault.
Yea you kind of caused it in a weird way but like it’s not your fault tho. I wouldn’t stress, not your job to stay with someone just so they don’t mill themselves
If someone runs a red light and T-bones your car and dies and you walk away unharmed did you cause them to die?
No you happened to be the car that got hit that caused there death. You are lucky to come away unharmed and not damaged yourself.
You are not at fault!!
Whatever happens, it’s not your fault that he choose to do that.