I am 25 and have very low self esteem and confidence from abuse and trauma and bad relationships. It’s so weird cause I actually love the person I am and have confidence in my head but I feel like nobody else will see that or I’m gonna get shut down or judged ect. I can’t even show my bf affection cause it’s so awkward and I feel so ugly and cringey. We barely have sex cause I get so nervous and I feel like everything I do is cringey and awkward and I’m gonna get judged or something idk how to explain it. What can I do?
4 comments
Therapy.
Maybe consider talking to someone like a shrink. But also try talking to your bf more and more. Talking opens doors.
First off: therapy. Yeah, it’s a stock go-to answer, but it’s a stock go-to answer for a reason. Finding a therapist who you click with and who helps can be an absolutely transformative experience. Abuse and trauma are no bullshit, and somebody who’s actually trained to help you through them will be more valuable than any pack of Reddit randos, no matter how well-intentioned we may be.
But second, how much of this have you told your boyfriend? A healthy intimate relationship can be a big help when dealing with this kind of stuff. Does he know that you feel so nervous, and cringey, and awkward? Does he know that you’re terrified of being judged?
It’s not his job to fix any of that, of course. But what he CAN do is hold your hand when you’re going through it. Assure you that you’re NOT ugly, let you know that he’s NOT judging you. Show you a little extra affection on those terrible days when brain weasels are getting the better of you and you feel like a total piece of shit. Think of it this way: if he were enduring some awful mental health stuff, wouldn’t you want to be there for him and help him through? Give him a chance to do that for you. Hopefully, he’ll step up.
And do you have any other close friends in your life you can take this stuff to? Not necessarily romantic partners, but besties who you trust and are emotionally intimate with? If you do, turn to them, see if they might be able to offer the kind of support I just described.
Whatever happened to you, it shouldn’t have. It wasn’t your fault. I’m sorry to hear that it’s still weighing you down so heavily. But I promise that it’s possible to heal and have a happy life.
Good luck, hon. I’m cheering for you.
I listen to NSFW audio and I have heard from other listeners it helps them connect sex with positive feelings again, because the audios are usually very carefully crafted for what women like and have a good story to it. Maybe it helps you too
Not sure if I can post links but have a read to this article [https://yourbestkeptsecret.co.uk/blog/2023/01/09/the-voices-that-make-women-o-why-women-choose-nsfw-asmr/](https://yourbestkeptsecret.co.uk/blog/2023/01/09/the-voices-that-make-women-o-why-women-choose-nsfw-asmr/)
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Edit: but I agree with others: first and foremost, therapy.