Is this too big of a red flag? I started seeing him about a month ago but it has progressed pretty quickly. He dotes on me and is really sweet. I like him a lot and have really strong feelings for him, and I wouldn’t want to stop dating him over something like this. However, 32 was already a bit too old, and 42 is just way too old. He doesn’t necessarily act or look his age, so I absolutely would have continued to believe he was 32 if he hadn’t said something.
Is there a way to just ignore it and keep dating him? Or, is a willingness to lie about something so big (by so much) just a huge red flag in itself?
Is it almost sort of predatory, even? He seems so normal and he’s definitely one of the sweetest guys I’ve been with, but someone in their 40s lying about their age while trying to get with an 18 year old just seems wrong. We met on a dating app, but he could have specified WAY earlier on, we have spent a ton of time together this last month.
I think that if I weren’t so young, I wouldn’t mind someone stretching the truth a little, but it’s different when they’re already too old for me.
Edit: Okay, I will try to stop seeing him, even though I think he is the right person for me.
32 comments
Yeah lying about your age is a dealbreaker imo. Especially by such a significant number
>Is it almost sort of predatory, even?
Exactly this… only without the ‘almost’ and ‘sort of’ parts. He specifically lied about it and he specifically knew how incredibly young you are.
In 5 years time you’ll realise exactly how predatory this is.
>He doesn’t necessarily act… his age
This isn’t a *good* thing. In the slightest.
>He dotes on me and is really sweet
Because he knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s called love bombing. He’s making sure you’ve no reason to dump him until you’ve alienated everyone who cares about you enough to try to talk you out of this. He’s over TWICE your age. He was 24 when you were born. I mean if he was 24 *now* he’d still be seen as a bit of a creep.
Get out now. ‘We’re not really compatible. We’re at very different life stages. And lying to me about your age is a huge red flag for me. I wish you the best (in your old age)’
You can leave that very last bit out if you want…
He’s a liar. That’s the bottom line. He deliberately went out of his way to look you in the eye and speak an absolutely massive lie.
It’s only been a month. You’re not in love with him, it’s a crush.
You don’t know him at all yet so you can’t love him. Love grows after you find out about people.
And the person you thought he was is fictitious.
And this is all before the problem of the age gap has been addressed.
You are a teenager. You still have the brain and emotional development you had at 16. It’s gross that a middle aged man is interested in dating you.
It’s your nubile teenage body he is interested in. You have absolutely nothing else to offer him. Sorry.
Edit: just looked at your profile. Please leave him. You’re emotionally vulnerable and you are probably being manipulated.
Please run OP.
Yeah pretty big red flag. I hate liars full stop but yeah dating an 18 yo at 42. Bit odd impo. At 18 you’re barely out of childhood.
You have to ask yourself why a man his age wants to date a woman significantly younger? Does he prefer someone young, inexperienced and easier to manipulate? He lied to you about his age. There’s probably a reason women closer to his age don’t want to date him.
Red flag!!! Not only is he old enougj to be your dad and/other adult male member of your family, and him are at different stages. There will be other lies because he may perceive you as naive..But nope. Way to much of an age gap!
Of course he’s sweet and amazing now. He can’t very well get what he wants being his true self off the bat, which is deeply immature and emotionally stunted. That’s the only explanation for seeking out a teenager girl to date at his big ass age.
Reddest of all reds.
First, lying straight of the bat, cause else you wouldn’t have matched. He knows that, that is manipulative af. And about 10 whole years. I find guys in their 30’s dating teens already a big no-no, let alone in their 40’s.
Is there a way to continue dating him? Sure, just continue dating him. But please believe that whatever red flags you ignore now, in the early stages will be the same reasons you leave down the line. I speak from experience.
Given your age, he sounds creepy. Men in their 30’s or 40’s dating barely legal girls is red flag on its own.
He basically lied to manipulate you into dating him, that’s a huge red flag. I wouldn’t be able to trust anything he says. If I were you I’d get out now before you fall any deeper.
He was too old at 32 and too old at 42 too.
You should stop chasing dudes in their 30’s. Try again in a handful of years.
You’re too young for him and he’s too old for you, even if he actually were 32. While you’re both adults and can do whatever you two pleases, it WILL NOT result in a healthy long term relationship whatsoever.
Op I’m old enough to be your mom. I’m 46 and there’s no way I would date an 18 year old. If this was one of your friends what advice would you give her? Think about it…why would a man lie about his age? What else is he lying about? This is a red flag for sure.
Nah, he is a predator. I am a 40 yr old myself and I couldn’t imagine dating an 18 yr old, yall literally look like little kids to me. He is a groomer and you have nothing in common with each other. Also he lying about his age by 10 years is completely unacceptable
I really hope you’ll listen to the redditors, OP. I know it feels like he’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and you’ll never find someone better. If feels that way, but it’s not how it is in the reality. Leave it when it’s still good and you’ll have a nice story to remember, not when it’s already to late. Just think about it: you were dating for a month, and you already having trouble to leave him over a massive lie. Then he knows he can lie to you and you’ll stick around. Abuse doesn’t start big, it starts with little things that are not that significant in comparison with how good he is. It’ll escalate. He’s buttering you for a reason and you wouldn’t like that reason no matter how well he treats you atm. I really recommend you to start therapy regardless if you leave him now or not. Please, do that. Also, you don’t have real family and friends. What if he’ll get you pregnant? And then after you completely depend on him will start doing abusive stuff? Will it be easier for you to leave then, or to leave now?
42M pursuing an 18F and lying about his age. Can you say predator!
Run girl, Run!
I cant even begin to imagine what an 18-year
Old And a 42-year old talks about while dating each other. That is such a huge age gap plus where you are in life. At 18, you just got out of highschool, probably going to college and/or starting a career.
* 42 is too old for 18
* 32 is too old for 18
* Lying about your age, especially to someone so much younger, is a huge problem
Just run.
Please let this be fake. One of the reasons that old creeps date teenagers is because they are young and naive and easy to manipulate. The fact that you would even need to ask if this is okay is evidence of that. I’m not being disrespectful to you, it’s normal to be naive and trusting when you’re so young and inexperienced…but it’s one of the MANY reasons that you shouldn’t date a predatory liar that’s old enough to be your Dad.
32 is far too old to date a teenager…42 is so much worse…lying about it is worse still. A 42 year old man “not acting his age” is not a flex darling, it’s a warning sign.
When I hear of a way older guy dating an 18 year old, I always take it as that guy saying that he would date even younger if it wasn’t literally against the law.
I so hope this post isn’t real. If it is, please get away from him.
Look…
This isn’t a relationship.
Relationship implies something mutual.
Know that saying, “Old age & treachery beats youth & vigor…”
Yeah.
You just found out about the treachery.
Until you get to 30 or so, any age gap of more than 2 years or so represents a significant difference in life experience, resources and life skills.
That translates into a lot of power imbalance in a relationship.
Once you hit around 30, it starts to become a more even balance between people. I met my wife at 30, I was 37.
She had her own career and was about 7 years into it, an apartment, savings and the ability to tell me to go to hell if things didn’t work out for us.
If I met her when I was 30 and she was 23…that’s a no.
You don’t have a career. You may have a job…but you have no marketable skills, have no life experience and don’t know what you don’t know.
He may be nice to you…but that’s his choice to be so.
You have no career, job skills, advanced education, credit or money.
If he decides it’s more fun to hurt you, you are steak on a platter to be carved up…and you wouldn’t even know you were on the menu till it’s too late.
Predator.
I promise you it’s not the only thing he is lying about!!!
SIGH
He’s is literally more than twice your age. He could have had a kid at **22** (older than you are now) and that could could have been one of your peers. When he was your age, it was the late 1990s.
Jesus fucking christ, woman. figure it out.
>I started seeing him about a month ago but it has progressed pretty quickly. He dotes on me and is really sweet. I like him a lot and have really strong feelings for him
Sounds like he is love bombing…
He lied to you and manipulated you, now he has you questioning yourself.
Girl. He lied. He knows you’re 18. Red flag. Please run.
So.. he STARTED the relationship with you by lying, and you are asking if this is too big a red flag?Yes it’s predatory, and at your age you probably haven’t had a lot of experience with love bombing. Look it up. He’s not the sweet guy you think he is, it is an act right now. He is drawing you in with the honey. Get out while you can before he damages you.
(Had something very similar happen in my early 20’s. STILL paying for it with trauma.)
Honey, no. You are 18. I’ll be 30 soon and looking at 18 year olds I think of them as kids. I would never ever try to date someone under the age of 23. Your brain still hasn’t fully developed yet.
Please please, do not let him manipulate and sweet talk you. He is grooming and love bombing you.
Do not accept any of his gifts. Stop talking to him. He already lied about his age and the lies will only pile up.
Please seek therapy. You are in a incredible vulnerae position and he is abusing this to get close to you. Get off of tinder.
A guy in his 40 looking for 18 year olds is a red flag.
Do not, under any circumstances, let him get close to you.
One day you’ll look back when you’re 32 and 42 and think this guy is a fucking creep as 18 year olds are basically children when you’re that old.
He just wants you because you’re young, naive and vulnerable.
He’s probably lying about other things and is like married with three kids or something.
You will “try to stop seeing him”? What??? Everyone is telling you that you should RUN. 🤦🏻♀️ He is not the right person for you.