Im a dude 31 y/o who has lifelong premature ejaculation and erectile disfunction (because of the PE). I have to take a pill to get better erections and another pill to not ejaculate in 3 seconds. I’m decent looking, athletic, have a nice job, member size normal etc etc. I notice I attract girls but I’m really insecure because of my condition, so I never make a move.
My question is this…. Do you girls recommend I just come clean in the beginning of dating ( if we have chemistry ) and say I have those conditions but when I take the pills I’m all good to satisfy her. Or should I keep hiding it.
I’m kind of ashamed to confess it, but I’m also tired of having I hide it and take the pills behind the girls back.
Be honest, would you freak out or laugh or tell your friends. Or is it not a big deal. Thank you !
EDIT: I would tell her after a couple of dates once it escalates to intercourse and I know I would like to date her formally
26 comments
* You really shouldn’t discuss medical issues until you’re settled to agree on a few dates. Also just bringing up sex will make some people feel uncomfortable about you. I really wouldn’t worry about it as long as you’re taking medication there’s not a big issue.
I can’t speak for my entire gender as a whole, but for me personally, I would rather you just be straightforward right from the start so that I don’t misinterpret your vibe and so that I don’t make some sort of insensitive comment thinking I’m joking around and making g light of awkwardness not realizing that I’m actually being a douchebag. That’s just me. 😊
How “normal” is your sex life when you take these pills? Like a woman wouldn’t know the difference?
Honestly I would probably wait until you were exclusive with a woman to tell her. At that point, her feelings for you have really grown, and she knows sex with you is good and satisfies her, so who cares that you have to take a pill to make it happen? If I were in love with a guy I wouldn’t care if he needed to take a pill because of premature ejaculation as long as I was happy with our sex! I think a lot of people wait to share intimate medical conditions with new partners, so that’s how I would view this.
Not right away, but make it a habit to talk about sex in general before you become sexually active and talk about it then.
When to do so is up to you and the woman you are seeing.
I don’t think it’s a first date conversation. But it’s something you should mention early enough but not right before getting intimate. So I guess if you’re thinking you might get intimate by date 4, you should mention it by date 2 or 3, something like that. Doesn’t have to be during the date itself.
I wouldn’t say a word about it right now. See how this thing plays out first. If she asks about your medical history or the prescriptions then yes tell her. If she doesn’t ask you about them,then you don’t tell her about your meds. I wouldn’t lie to her but I wouldn’t put your business out there just yet.
If you brought it up on a first date, I would probably not see you again. After a few dates and knowing that I like you, it wouldn’t be a big deal.
Besides 1-3 hours of foreplay…. Yes!!! So much to do in those hours that will blow her mind, and then the 10 minutes you do last would not be a big deal.
Like with other issues you might be a bit sensitive about, do it when the time is right. It should come up in conversation when you’re ready to have sex. Not before or after.
Be up front. We all have insecurities. There’s always forplay for those spontaneous moments.
I think it’s highly situational. Personally, regarding sexual matters I tend to be a little humorous and lead with that maybe not seriously but if the topic arises. But it can all depend on how comfortable you make them feel and everything. My biggest tip- use your hands (or talk about using your hands lol)!!! And anything else you feel comfortable doing. I mean, as a bisexual person I would say only about 30% of sex is about the penetration. It is important to know but if it’s end all be all for the, those people are kinda :/ foreplay and everything else can make or break , but having a condition is definitely okay and not your fault at all!!
As a woman, for me effort is everything. It wouldn’t bother me to be told on the first date but then again I’m a unicorn (or so I keep hearing). I would rather you be upfront and honest.
Whatever you do just be sure to be you.
It’s going to totally depend on the woman and on the situation, as I’m sure you can see by these replies not all being the same 🙂
I wouldn’t mind having this conversation pretty early on with someone, but I’m pretty comfortable with blunt talk about both sex and medical/health stuff. I also have chronic health issues, and I talk about them openly to all kinds of people because I find it easier to do that than to hide them based on what my particular conditions and limitations are. So, for me, discussing this stuff would be totally fine early! And then we could plan our future sex to be the best possible sex for both of us. But also, as a different example, I definitely have friends where if you brought this up too soon, they’d freak out and run. Not because they wouldn’t be ok with dating someone w your condition, but because someone talking about sex stuff too soon would seem presumptuous/creepy and would scare them off. So! Read the room, I guess!
As a 24F I would want to know only after a handful of dates and think many others would agree. Like some said, it would be a tad aggressive to talk about your condition on the first couple of dates because it’s so related to sex but also you shouldn’t be ashamed of it and speak of it from a medical standpoint . Girls who care about you and are sincere won’t mind
Im a woman and it definitely wouldn’t bother me ! I would try my best to make my partner comfortable and we can talk about it if I really liked him ☺️
I was with a man like this n it made me insecure if he told me in the beginning of our relationship I would not have felt like that. After I knew ,if he couldn’t get hard all the way we would just say “break time” . N we both knew what that meant. I would just b honest if I was you just so the female knows not to take it personally
Come clean when things start getting really intimate. But not necessary before. Because there’s that awkward “if you bring up sex and she wasn’t planning on having sex” kind of thing. I was just posted somewhere else the amount of anxiety I had over a bf I couldn’t please. If a man said to me “hey this is the situation” and it wasn’t followed by a breakup or ghosting, which meant he just wasn’t into me. But followed by the same level of continued interest I would totally embrace it. Honesty is sexy. You can only control how you treat people, not what our bodies have done to us. This isn’t your fault. Please dont feel ashamed. Hold shame for things that deserve it. Like being mean to someone. Being a bad person when there was a chance to be a good one. This isn’t a deal breaker. I would be so happy if some man had legitimate interest in me and wanted to work through it together. Experimenting with what worked for him, etc.
I would think you were totally hot for being honest. As opposed to me feeling like I just wasn’t doing it for a man or he couldn’t be honest with me.
My partner told me about his stuff once things got real between us like a few weeks in. Otherwise I had no way of knowing.
As a dude, find a way to work around it. Your penis is not the only way to satisfy a woman. Use your hands, use a magic wand, get a cock ring, use multiple condoms to reduce feeling. Use your fingers, use your face. There is no reason that how long you last needs to have an appreciable impact on the satisfaction of your partner. Does not have to be a problem.
I’ve dated a partner with a similar issue (not the same issue, but similar enough) in the past and it was absolutely not a problem for me. I’d just talk to someone when sex seems like it’s on the horizon but not in the moment. I got a heads up before we started having sex and I appreciated that. I certainly never laughed or told any friends (other than one who was seeing someone with the same sort of issue, and I only referenced it without names and nonspecifically to give her advice about how to make her partner comfortable). If I ever had a friend who laughed at a partner over something like that or treated someone badly because of that I’d be reconsidering my friendship. We all have quirks and hang ups and problems and you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed by in my opinion. And anyone who says otherwise is unkind and probably not someone you’d want for a partner.
I give the same advice to all guys looking for any type of sexual advice. Toys are teammates and foreplay is fuel. So many guys have insecurities about one thing or another. But so do women. Yes I am a woman and I can’t tell you how many of my guy friends that ask me questions and I say the same thing.
Intimacy is not easy and we living in a time where sex is hard to talk about (no pun intended) but the fact you are aware and have taking steps to ensure a healthy se. Life for your future partner is wonderful.
When you are sure the trust is there and you are ready to take the next step, that is when you talk, but not just about this. Talk about everything and anything. Ask her about romance books she has read that make her excited. Ask her about toys she has tried or positions she would like to explore. The more you talk the better you will feel and relax.
I have lots more but you get the idea.
If we are anywhere in the ballpark of getting physical, yeah, I’d want to know about it. I mean flip it around – let’s say the woman you’re seeing has a sexual dysfunction; you would want a heads-up so that if things don’t go smoothly, you wouldn’t think it’s your fault and take a huge ego hit. Plus, if she likes you enough to be getting into bed with you, she should care about what is gonna work for BOTH of you? As far as the rest, I personally don’t tell my friends anything like that. I’m a very private person and not everyone needs to know what goes on in my bedroom yano?
I honestly don’t think you should tell her about something that really concerns you. Yes, of course the intercourse concerns her but you have a solution for that and you don’t need any help from her to achieve it. Its not like you get someone into bed and then are unable to perform and they are left disappointed.
Your condition is highly personal. It is not something you should share with someone you are not confident about or trust enough. I wouldn’t share it unless I knew that is the person I am going to settle with. Why? Because some unkind women (during and after the relationship) will share that info with others, and if she was angry will make jokes, and exaggerate things about it. But in addition to that, YOU too will feel awful and your confidence will be shattered if you have told someone something so intimate and then you breakup. All sorts of thoughts will go through your mind and you will regret saying anything. Just don’t do it, and you should not feel bad or guilty if you are hiding something that really concerns your body. I understand you find it tiring to do it behind a woman’s back, but the alternative at such an early stage is too risky and is not worth it.
Speaking as a women, I can tell you for sure when you find the right woman she will understand why you had to keep it to yourself. Why wouldn’t she? I would even say she will be really flattered that you felt comfortable enough to tell her and no one else. But if you’d already announced it to other women she’ll wonder about them too. Not good.
Just keep it to yourself and realise you are under no moral obligation to tell and explain to a woman you are not ready to commit to, it’s none of her business if she is already getting satisfied.
I’d def like a heads up once I got to the sex stage with someone, not only to set expectations but also to not hurt his feelings. I’ve had men with ED hide it from me and things become awkward and unsatisfying unnecessarily. I’m glad you’ve found a solution with your pills though, unlike other men I’ve been with who deny the problem or gaslight women into thinking it was their fault
Not a girl but I would say IMO, lots of foreplay, get good at using your fingers
If you cum first because of PE, don’t be ashamed or make a big deal of it, and don’t apologise. Just use your fingers and or tongue after to make sure she cums and has a great time too
I think if you’re dating the right kinds of girls, then sharing this information is a good thing to do.
I’ve dated men who had both PE and ED issues and honestly, it didn’t matter. We just worked through it together. Being willing to talk about it was important to me, and I’m sure the right girl will be the same for you.