I’ve never had much luck with friendships. I’ve always been the quiet weird kid. I kept to myself back in high school and never really talked to anyone, battling depression at the same time also took its toll on me. It felt like I was suffocating all the time.
All of this changed in my first year in college, I met a wonderful group of (15) people and we hit it off immediately. I felt like I could breathe again. I’m extremely naive and stupid so I considered those guys and gals my family. Even with all the shit happening in the world, 2020/2021 were some of the best years of my life thanks to these people. My stuttering also mysteriously evaporated. It was a dream come true.
I’m a sophomore now and things have changed. A simple misunderstanding caused my friend group to split in half. I still keep in touch with the half that split but I mostly hang out with the other half. I was sad, but I got over it. Drama happens all the time. Nothing can remain perfect forever.
But now I’ve noticed that they’re hanging out without me on what feels like a daily basis. I jokingly asked my friend why I wasn’t invited and she just nervously laughed and changed the subject. I asked another friend if they hate me and she went on a long monologue about how much they love me. I don’t know. It feels like fucking bullshit to me.
Part of me wants to cut them off so badly, but It was a fucking miracle finding a friend group after 22 goddamn years. And the chances of that happening again are slim.
What should I do?
3 comments
Okay, who is your FRIEND in the group? The person you are closest to? THAT person will tell you the truth.
If you don’t have a true friend in the group, then these are not friends, they’re acquaintances.
I was in a similar situation a LONG time ago. I was in a small group of friends where I used to be the leader (the one who put events together).
Over time, I became less of a leader and eventually, they would hang out without me. I became obsolete.
I’ve learned you must never invite yourself to other people’s events and never show anger when you aren’t invited. If you break these rules, it’ll make it more likely you won’t get invited in the future. People instinctually don’t like clingers and feel less respect towards them.
You should also never rely on one clique of friends. Instead, have many friends in different cliques. Ironically, when people see you have a life outside of the clique, that clique wants you as a friend more. I hate to be cynical, but people are self-centered when deciding who to associate with. If they see you as a meal ticket to something more (meet new people, go to more events, meet guys, etc), they’ll wanna be around you.
The harsh truth is if people is ignoring you like this, but interacting with others just fine without problems, it could be that they don’t see value in interacting with you. People attach you to the value you bring, not necessarily how long you have known them. People need to have a convincing reason to include and interact with you, let alone do these things constantly.
When was the last time you interacted with this friend of yours in person ? What are your interactions with this person like, especially in person ? Do you try to genuinely connect with them ? Do you share things about yourself and do they share things about themselves ? Or do you just stick to polite small talk ? What sort of skill(s)/hobby(s)/talent(s) do you have ? Do they relate to your friend’s interests ? Could they benefit this friend ?
Read all the tips listed here, especially the ones on genuinely connecting with people in person and adding value to people’s lives: https://www.reddit.com/r/socialskills/comments/trlexh/how_to_avoid_being_needy_or_stop_being_needy/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf