My wife is my soul mate. We’ve been through hell and back many times with a bipolar son, my back injury, Navy career, 13 moves, and my fathers suicide in our house. Yet in all areas we are strong except sex. I have no clue if she is ever in the mood and I stopped trying to figure it out long ago. Worst part is the little flirts she will occasionally do at times she KNOWS we cannot do anything. Ffs if she’s done with sex I wish she would just stop that part, let me take my showers to release and move on with our life. Whenever she does these, I basically play stupid and ignore it because I loathe the disappointment. I know she’s masturbated in bed when she thought I was asleep but she denies it. I can’t criticize her except she could at least leave the room….I do.
So I’m just riding out the clock til the grave which is fine by me. I won’t leave her as I take my vows seriously….and I love her completely. Its just the lack of intimacy turned us into roommates long ago.

9 comments

  2. Yes but don’t forget that a roommate is not your soulmate. You’re a lot more than that.

  3. I listened to quite a good podcast episode today that I think could help you with this question – ‘Come As You Are’ podcast, episode ‘The Science of Great Sex in Long Term Relationships’.

  4. I’m in a very similar position (married 25 years, sexless for 5), only my wife and I recently began having regular sex again. Why? My wife had a full hysterectomy last year and went into medically induced menopause. She didn’t want to go on hormone treatment and it turns out that regular sexual intercourse is one of the ways recommended to naturally produce the desired hormones. So now we have sex twice a week. Crazy, I know.

    However, I think there is absolutely a valuable insight here: You need to figure out a way to make this about her. It’s not easy, but it can be done. I tried for years to improve our sex life and it never went anywhere. Why? Because my wife didn’t think it was a problem. She’s basically asexual. It didn’t matter to her. Trying to get her to have more and better sex was like trying to get a spouse who doesn’t care about their weight into the gym. They might go a couple times to appease you, but it’s not going to become part of their routine until they look in the mirror and say, “this is unacceptable, I’m committed to attaining my target weight.” So how can you make sex something’s interested in for herself rather than solving your problem?

  6. I’m sorry pal. We’ve pretty much had chore sec the last 14 years and sexless the last 1+.
    I take my vows seriously too.
    But this life, as it us, will kill me decades earlier than one where I am loved in my primary relationship. You have a lot more going than me. We’ve slept apart for years. We rarely speak unless it’s a must… i don’t want to live miserable the rest of my life to die earlier… things will change for me soon, or things will change.

  8. If you get a chance to read a post I had a while back on my sexless marriage. I realized as a woman I was not doing my part emotionally and physically for my husband but he was doing his. There is something biologically wrong with how women and men are made I swear and we need to discuss this more openly and really talk about it as a real issue. Women need to understand how men feel loved and a lot of us don’t. We are content because our emotional needs are met though men being with us and other forms of connection that can be so mundane (husband watches movies with me , goes to store with me). My husband is not perfect nor am I but I think as a society and even from a medical
    standpoint the world needs to discuss that women have to start realizing they are slowly killing their husbands soul and identity and disconnecting their own relationships.

  9. Maybe you should talk about this with her. And maybe, consult a sex therapist. Both can do wonders.

Leave a Reply
You May Also Like