I (20F) have been having casual sex with a guy friend (22M) at my university. This has been going on for a few months but recently he’s started saying some things that lead me to believe he’s only having sex with me because I’m asian. He’s said he loves that I’m submissive and says its cause I grew up in the right culture. He’s also said he always knew asian girls had tight pussies and mine was no exception. There were a few other minor instances of this but they were more general comments and i’ll give him the benefit of the doubt there that they were just that; general and not related to me being asian.
I’ve been hoping to take it to the relationship level with this guy but after hearing the things he’s said and talking to a few friends they said I should be a bit put off by him and he most likely has an asian fetish which is why he only fucks me and won’t date me. Can anyone give me some advice on this asian fetish thing? Is it real and a red flag or should I just accept that he has a preference and likes me for that?
41 comments
Okay well, he’s a FWB so I don’t think trying to pursue a relationship with him will be wise. He’s just with you to fuck you… that’s what a casual sex relationship implies. Now, with the Asian thing… maybe he has a thing for Asians… maybe you were his first. Either way, you are not obligated to continue to see him or fuck him and if these comments have made you uncomfortable… then stop seeing him… unless you like it.
Girl, that dudes racist as fuck. Don’t date racists.
Hmmm it definitely sounds like he’s fetishizing your race. That doesn’t mean it’s the only reason he’s sleeping with you, but if it’s something that makes you uncomfortable, and it sounds like it does, you need to draw that boundary with him immediately. I’m not sure you want to take it to the next level with a guy like that. I doubt it’ll get better. Once he feels like he’s “got you,” it’ll probably get worse based on the shit he’s saying.
To answer your question about if Asian fetish is real, yes it is.
There are people who have fetishes based on race, and no race is excluded.
There are genres of porn that fill those fetishes.
I imagine that it’s a really shitty feeling to discover that someone only likes you because of a random condition of birth rather than your personality.
Like I don’t think there’s nothing wrong with some racial play in BDSM, of course if both parties consent. If you are ok with, you are, If you are not, just stop
This is confusing. The guy seems to be attracted to Asian women. You’re Asian. Is it a problem to be attracted to a certain race/ethnicity? I don’t think so; as it is preference. Why do you want to move to the next level with this guy? Just make sure the reason you want to get into a relationship with this guy is for the right reasons. In my opinion, FWB relationships are hard to convert into intimate dating relationships but to each their own.
He sounds like he is fetishizing you.
He’s a FWB. If it makes you uncomfortable stop having sex with him.
Your post got me thinking because when I was younger, I was attracted to Asian women also. I noticed he said you were more submissive because you came from a different culture. That could be either good or bad depending on him. Does he want you to be submissive because he wants an unequal relationship where he is in charge or does he simply think it’s more feminine and therefore more attractive to him? With the idiotic comment about tight pussies, it sounds like he is not very mature though.
For me… when I was younger I moved to a new town with a large Asian population and I noticed something different between Asian women and the American women I grew up with. The American women were frankly more masculine acting to be blunt and I never really noticed this until I encountered women from a different culture. I never saw it as a fetish or a desire to have an unfair advantage in a relationship… I simply found them consistently attractive to me without thinking about it.
is that a fetish? I think it’s more of a preference.
ahhhh the casual racism and fetishization. I’m so sorry you have to go through this dumb shit. As a fellow minority in an interracial relationship: find someone who will respect who you are, not just your sexual boundaries.
find another one, there’s no shortage.
hes a fwb… thats all. so, how much does the fetish matter? you shouldnt continue on w a fwb expecting it to evolve
Don’t have sex with someone who doesn’t respect you. Definitely don’t get in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you.
I’m guessing this guy is really attractive. Otherwise you wouldn’t overlook his atrocious behavior. But seriously… “he knew Asian girls had tight pussies”? That’s literally racist.
You deserve someone who likes you for you.
It does sound that he is fetishising, but does it really matter? He is a FWB…
If it makes you uncomfortable, just stop seeing him.
Why don’t you tell us how you feel about it?
Why is it racist to prefer Asian women. Asian women are beautiful.
Not only is he fetishizing your race, but what’s super disturbing is “He’s said he loves that I’m submissive and *says its cause I grew up in the right culture*.” OP, you don’t want a relationship with this guy. I’m speculating here, but it seems that “women being submissive” is not just a sexual kink for him, it’s how he thinks women should act in society.
Be glad he’s outed himself so you can pursue other roads.
I don’t see a relationship with someone talking like that going very far.
Sounds like an Asian fetish to me. I had one for a couple years back as a young teenager. Feels super weird looking back. Very common, especially in less experienced men. Usually picked up from porn.
Why are thinking so much of a FWB
If you want it keep going otherwise just leave
I mean. It’s a fwb. Would it make u feel better if he liked u cuz u have smaller boobs or bigger boobs or whatever?
Why can’t fetishizing just be being attracted to someone. I don’t understand why it has to be a pejorative? If I am attracted to darker skin girls, that is not a fetish, just an attraction. If she is attracted to black men, that is not a fetish, just an attraction. If I like girls with big butts, that is not a fetish, just an attraction, if she likes men over 5’10” that is not a fetish, just an attraction. If I ever met someone so attracted to me that I was their fetish, that would be the bomb. Maybe you should just enjoy that a guy is that into you and every part of you.
I’m gonna go an unpopular route here. We overly racialize everything. It is way too big of a deal. Not everything is racist.
The “tight pussy”, “right culture”, “submissive” thing are stereotypes. It doesn’t mean they’re true. It just means he’s kinda stupid, not a monster. Cancel culture, Reddit, and Twitter love to blow that sort of thing out of proportion, and to demonize it, but it’s often only scrutinized at certain times.
If you want to go down the racial fetishization rabbit hole you will find a lot of inconsistencies and hypocrisy in what’s being said. I’ve dated asian women that told me they think Indian men are gross and would never date one. Where was the outcry there?
Preference is a two-way street. Everyone has racial preferences with dating. One way or the other. Dating app data has proven this for over 10 years. That by itself is pretty normal, even if most people are not willing to admit it. Basically everyone has a “racial fetish” of some kind – even if it’s for your own racial or ethnic group.
Honestly sounds like a preference not a fetish. You guys are in college that’s probably why it’s a fwb things, to enjoy the experience of college without feeling the pressure from a relationship. Just ask him, it sounds like he’s pretty good with saying how he feels. Sometimes other friends get jealous of those types of friendships (fwb) because they can’t find the same and want to make u feel shitty so one might say (sounds like a fetish) and the others will just agree with the one. So if you are enjoying your fwb situation then just ask him. No since I’m ruining something good and fun because a friend might be jealous about what you have all because they can’t find someone that’s willing to be just that.
Extremely gross and weird that he said any of those things – drop him. He’s definitely fetishizing you and stereotyping you based on your race
Even if he has an asian fetish i wouldnt consider it a bad thing unless thats the ONLY reason hes sleeping with you. Then its clearly superficial and he doesnt actually care that you are you. You need to find out.
Yeah it sounds like a fetish to me. I would it continue personally. You are a human being, not a fetish. Fbw is fine but the respect has to be present also, regardless of whether either of you wanna date.
Fetiches are not explainable. I believe there are other asian girls in your university, so among them you are the chosen one. About going to the next level, you must ask him. Maybe he doesn’t want any ties for the moment, so at least you can enjoy some good sex, if you don’t mind it.
It’s definitely a real fetish and not that uncommon. Stop listening to your friends and find out whether or not he’s actually interested in *all* of you and would like to be in a relationship. I’ve got a redhead fetish. It doesn’t mean I can’t actually fall in love with a redhead.
He is a misogynist and racist just cut him off.
He is in to you. He has a you thing. If you like time back, enjoy. If not, move on.
If you feel uncomfortable . Just stop seeing him. There’s plenty of guys who won’t make you feel that way
Yeah, this dude may not be relationship material.
I don’t think being especially attracted to asians is a problem. This dude’s problem is that he’s treating you as less of an individual in favor of his kink. All these comments that raised flags for you are shitty because they show that he doesn’t so much see you as u/Ava_Stockton, an individual with personality and characteristics that may or may not align with stereotypes, but as an asian to fulfill his kink.
If he’s just a FWB, it could be “just an Asian fetish” as you put it. Lots of guys have an Asian fetish. If your relationship isn’t going to progress beyond FWB take it for what it is. If you’re looking at a deeper relationship with him I would definitely suggest a good long talk about it.
>He’s said he loves that I’m submissive and says its cause I grew up in the right culture. He’s also said he always knew asian girls had tight pussies and mine was no exception.
*Run.* This guy is trouble. He doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t respect women. You do not want to trust him, even if it is just a FWB relationship.
I light a candle and say a little prayer everyday for an asian fwb….SMH..
If he’s a FWB does it really matter if he’s fucking you because of this??
I’m also Asian and I know most of the guys who’s fucked me probably had an Asian kink but I really didn’t care as king as they fucked me good and why I was with them at that time.
What’s wrong with that?
I’m married to a Chinese woman.
This stuff is major, major red flag. Do not go into a relationship with him. You’ll end up with a man who is racism towards you and your kids.
If you don’t believe me, ask some half Asian people, they’ll have a lot to say about racist dads.
Does it bother you if he does have that racial preference? I’m Indian and my gf has always said she loves brown guys, I happen to have the same preference for her ‘race’ too. For me it is nice feeling that love for my physical characteristics, but it just depends how it makes you feel.
I’d sit with it and think whether that preference is something you love to feel from him, or whether it makes you uncomfortable. I have come to appreciate it personally (not that it’s right/wrong either way).
To be honest, idk. It’s okey to have a preference for things like hair color, facial features, etc. But those things like, “right culture”, “your so submissive” and “tight pussy cause you’re asian”, not only it resemble racism to me, but also some sexism, specially the “right culture” phrase. I wouldn’t start a relationship because, first of all you are FWB. If you’re not comfortable with him, stop having sex with him.
Oh, I love when white guys think all Asian women are submissive. He’s in for a rude awakening…
He’s spouting a bunch of racist stereotypes and is bizarrely rude and obtuse enough to say them to your face.
That’s the red flag.
He could have an Asian fetish and still be respectful and kind to you, and that wouldn’t be a problem – but he isn’t. He has an Asian fetish and he’s being an insensitive asshole.
This guy doesn’t deserve to be your friend OR have “benefits.”