I am a late 30s woman and for the last year or so, a guy at my hobby has been seemingly into me. We see each other 3-4 days a week. We have tried chatting many times, but we are both miserably awkward with each other (yet no problem chatting with others). But we still find each other locking eyes and catching glances (it’s mostly him). When I walk into a room, I can feel him looking at me. If I talk to another guy, he always takes notice. I am so attracted to him and can’t explain it. I’m confident the feeling is mutual.
Well there is a new member of our hobby that is more vocal and forward in getting to know me. But I can’t stop thinking about the first guy. I want to just directly tell him how I feel. But it’s been an awkward year or so build up. I’ve never been on a date with someone who I have “seen around” for so long (assuming he would go on a date with me).
I don’t do casual hook ups but tbh I just want to hook up with him more than I even want to go on a date with him at this point.
3 comments
I went out with a friend after seven years of having a thing for him, does that count?
Why not ask this guy out? It may be a bit awkward if he says no but it sounds like you two can exist in the same space without needing to interact all the time.
Do everything you can to muster up some courage, even if you have to ask for an advance from courage bank. Walk up to him “Hey, can we chat outside real quick?” “So, I’m just going to say it, but I think you are attractive. I’m single and if you are, too, I’d like to go on a date and maybe explore something romantic if it makes sense.”
He says yes or he says no (or he leads you on, but that’s always a risk and the true worst case). If he says no, I can’t really foresee a situation where, if he has half the person you’d like him to be for you to want to date him, that he’d be upset or shitty about you asking. More men than some people would like you to believe appreciate also being approached and asked. And if you have no reason to believe he wouldn’t be interested (which sounds like he regularly takes note of you, which suggests maybe you do catch his eye as well), this is a great example of the “shoot your shot” advice that someone recently lamented not liking.
Edit: Just saw you don’t even want a date, just a hookup. That’s even easier. “You’re cute. Want to grab a drink after the activity?”
He could well have taken heed of the advice to never approach women when they don’t want to be bothered …while doing hobbies, sports, shopping, eating, going somewhere or being sociable in a group, those have all been deemed as times not to approach, maybe he would like to, but needs a clear green light or he may think he is over stepping woman’s boundaries.