Hi. New to Reddit here but I need advice. I guess this is like my last resort because I don’t know who to talk to. I’ll try to be short.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for the last 6 months and he doesn’t want me to take birth control/ form of protection. It’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed for him. He doesn’t like what it does to my body and the potential side effects and long term effects. The last two months though I just have anxiety waiting for my period. He essentially tells me I should trust him and we’ve argued about this because I secretly started the pill around the calendar days I’m at medium/high risk. He essentially told me I disregarded trust and that it’s conditional only if I protect myself (I’m not entirely sure what that means) and even suggested taking a break. To that I just thought being on the pill made more sense. I suggested we avoid those days but he wants me to trust him period when risking having a child is basically life altering. Any other form of protection is just nonchalantly mentioned or not even considered for my peace of mind. I’m only suppose to trust him. What’s worrying me is that we aren’t even married. He says getting married is far away and he plays around the idea. I just don’t know when it’ll happen. So I’m trusting him there too. We also can’t continue to play Russian roulette with my cycle hoping nothing happens. I feel taking the pill is just common sense at this point.
Is there something I’m not understanding about trust? Am I wrong for wanting to protect myself or should I just trust my partner that he knows how anatomy works and what I want? I don’t want to have a child before it’s time and I would like to have a child within an established family. Would greatly appreciate any thoughts. Thank you.
14 comments
All of this is fucked up. He wants to control your body, to extent that he will disregard your extremely warranted worry. There is someone out there who will not do that. What your partner is doing is just straight up abnormal and scary. You’ve already seen that he gets mad when you take the pill… because he realizes he can’t have control over you. See how fucked up that is? Take your pills and leave him.
Truthfully I’d cut him from your life. I know it’s been 6 months already, but it sounds like he really doesn’t respect you and your wishes. You are absolutely not wrong for wanting to protect you. Do not trust he knows everything. The person you can trust the most is yourself. Especially like you said you are not married yet and for the fact that he plays with the idea and says it’s a long way from that, then who knows what’ll happen if you were to get pregnant. It’s your body and if you get pregnant you’re the one carrying the baby for 9 months not him. He’s saying he doesn’t like what it does to your body and stuff, but he just straight up sound selfish and I do not understand why he’s so against protection. You really need to think long and hard if he’s really the one you want to be with especially all the flags that’s popping up now. I hope this helps you out
No get pregnant. That’ll keep ‘em around
Oof. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You are not wrong for wanting to protect yourself. I dated someone similar a few years ago so let me warn you now- you need to GET OUT.
First- your boyfriend is incredibly controlling, and anyone who says that you can trust them while actively disregarding your health and opinions is NOT someone you can trust. YOUR birth control is YOUR choice!
Second- he’s not even wearing condoms?!! HELL NO, girl! Is he trying to baby trap you? Not using birth control leads to babies…. no matter what he’s telling you. (Also, get an std test as soon as possible)
Third- taking the pill for only a week of the month (If I’m understanding?) isn’t going to help you. It needs to be started at certain times of your cycle to be effective so quickly.
And FORTH.
“He even suggested taking a break”
This is classic manipulation. You don’t do what he wants, he threatens to leave.
Again, I’m so sorry. This is not someone you can trust. If you choose to stay with him, consider more permanent birth control like an iud that he can’t tamper with.
Does your boyfriend have a medical license to practice gynecology or endocrinology? Cause if not then what the hell does he even know about any of it? His opinion has no validity or credibility behind it. And why should you blindly trust him when he clearly doesn’t have to trust you knowing what’s better for your body? Why doesn’t he care about your anxieties? Seems like he cares more about exercising control over you than you.
I didn’t finish reading this and all I know is tell your bf to stfu. This is a joke right? Holy hell. YOU NEED TO LEAVE HIM! The fuck? He doesn’t like what it does to your body? I just can’t…
May i ask how old you both are?
You’re going to end up pregnant…. And as a 25 year old guy I don’t believe I have the right to tell a woman not to take her birth control, even if I want a kid! It’s her body, and ultimately her choice. As I’m not the person taking a huge health risk to bring another soul here on earth
Bottom line. Your body. Forget what he has to say.
You should absolutely end the relationship with this controlling fuckwit but if you are determined not to at least get an IUD or Nexplanon implant so you have something reliable that can’t be tampered with. You are going to end up pregnant doing what you’re doing.
You need to take control if what is right for you. If you dont like the side effects of hormonal birth control, get a copper IUD. Nobody will know its there except for you and you doc. Controllers will not stop there, red flag
Tell that little boy to shut the hell up. If you want to take the pill to feel safer then you do it. ITS YOUR BODY. And if he can’t respect you enough, you need to tell him to kick rocks. That is 100% unacceptable for him to feel he has that kind of control over you. He is being a narcissistic asshole and only saying these things because he doesn’t want to wear a condom. You need to stand your ground and tell him condom or pill. His choice. And if he can’t accept that then it’s time to move on. You deserve better baby girl and he ain’t it.
Your body your choice.
Why are you being intimate with a man that clearly wants to start a family, married or not? This is how many women become single mothers; reckless.
Birth control pills do have side effects that aren’t discussed enough, but first thing’s first: do you honestly see him as a husband and father in 5 years?