Long story short, I (19f) met someone (22m) on the dating apps. We went on a date in the summer. I ended up sleeping with him the third time I saw him and every single time after. We went out the first time, but I always ended up hanging at his apartment the other times. I would always initiate asking him to hang out (not necessarily at his apartment). I saw him a total of 5 times before I had to leave for college which is only an hour away from his place. The last time I saw him I asked him where we were, and he defined it as maybe “friends” but a little more than that. And he said “I probably won’t get to see you again, so I wish you the best of luck. But reach out if you’re in town” as we said our goodbyes, making me confused as he has my phone number. I thought this was a summer fling, so I got over my feelings for him.
Fast forward to when I’m at college. He’s texting/checking up on me like every 3 weeks but will be slow to respond (a few hours to a day). And often leaves me on read after we exchange like 3-4 texts.
I recently saw him since I’m back in town for break. And ended up in the cycle of going to his apartment and sleeping with him. On the car ride back to my house, I wanted to see where his head was at and he says he likes me, but I don’t know what that means. I told him that he sends me mixed signals, and he claims that this is not his intentions and we probably wouldn’t work out (probably bc of the “distance”). He texts a few days later asking how I am, and I answer him. Then, I ask him what he’s up to. He ends up leaving me on “delivered” for 9 days saying he was busy with traveling. This irritated me a lot, so I left him on read. He ends up texting and calling me, and indirectly says I should come over to his apartment a few days later.
Our conversations are always decent, but I’m annoyed that we never do anything different. I’m having a hard time cutting him off cause he technically hasn’t done anything wrong. Is he breadcrumbing me? Is this what casual dating/fwb is? Am I expecting too much/overthinking? What should I do?
2 comments
“If you don’t know where you stand, stand somewhere else.”
He likes your company and likely the physical aspects of it *when* it’s convenient for him, and only then.
Nothing wrong with hooking up with him, if it makes you feel good – but it doesn’t sound like it does.
I had my own dating experiences in the past where I would try to overanalyze men and give them too much credit when they were being vague with me. Trust me, he’s not that complex – he’s just selfish and in it for himself. You deserve more + better.
You say he hasn’t done anything “technically wrong” but he hasn’t exactly shown you respect either. If you set the standard of walking away when things don’t serve you at this age, you’ll be light years ahead of most of us 🙂
Tell him upfront exactly what you feel and want from him and ask the question “do you want to be exclusive and serious with me? Do you want to be my boyfriend?”. If he says he wants to see where this goes, leave him! Go and enjoy college! Meet new people!
I think he is leading you on. If he wanted to be with you, he would have said/done things differently. He likes you but not Likes you.
Just think, would you do what he does if you love someone?!