How did you realize you are/were the toxic partner in a relationship? How did you change?

3 comments

1. i had realized i was finding myself in a lot of fights that felt repetitive and cyclical. i started to feel like my relationship was reflective of of parents’ and that was a slap in the face for me.

   there were issues on both ends, however i started to stop immediately reacting, and trying to first think about why i was feeling/acting a certain way. was i acting that way because i just wanted their attention? was it because it was just they way i learned relationships worked? was the other person intentionally hurting me? did i tell them how i felt?

   it took months for me to change, but in the end it always feels good to look back and recognize how far you have come.

2. Im not very emotional, and they are, it sounds like its doomed but we balance one another well and help one enother grow. I realised I was toxic at one point, when they were really upset about some guy in their uni class ignoring them and I thought it was simply a non event and even found myself rolling my eyes as he explained itover the phone, but I caught sight of my reflection in a window and realised I was the one being the asshole.

   Just because it seems like nothing to me doesnt mean its not to them, and theyre really upset so clearly there is more happening then they are describing and they need me to be there for them and talk it out.

3. I realized that I was becoming like my mom and constantly had to be the victim. I also kept dating guys who were very avoidant and who didn’t give me attention unless I was sick.

   I had to stop dating these people and focus on someone that I actually liked and enjoyed hanging out with. And who cared about me without me having to talk about how sick I am. If I’m feeling down, they just need to give me a hug and cut me some slack. But if they kept minimizing it or didn’t believe me, I felt the need to “become my sickness”.