I’m male and met this girl on bumble who seemed pretty interested in me.
She didn’t have a clear picture of herself on Bumble and also told me in the first message that she was looking for a marriage and having children together. I wasn’t put off too much by it but it did bother me a little bit because it sounded like she’s asking me for a commitment before I even knew who or what she was all about.
Then she asked me if we could meet and I was okay with it but had to put it off because I got busy with grad school work. Eventually I agreed to a date and we decided to get coffee. However, she cancelled the date 15 minutes before we were supposed to meet saying that she broke her hand and took a rain check.
She texts me again after 3 days, asking me if I’d like to have coffee and I gave her the benefit of doubt and agreed to it. Again, we agreed upon a place and time pretty close to our homes. On the day of the date, I went to to the coffee shop a couple of minutes before so that I could get a place but she didn’t show up until 30 minutes after we were supposed to meet. She shows up without dressing up for the date, no apology for getting there late and goes on to literally interview me. The part of the date that kind of ticked me off the most was that she would complete my answers for me in a manner that depreciates the value of the actual answer I had. It’s like making the most regressive assumptions about somebody and saying it out loud to them.
The date lasted for about 40 minutes and she decided to leave because she had some work.
A few hours later she texts me saying that she wanted to get lunch on the coming Friday. I had no intention of seeing her again and I said that I couldn’t make it. She asked me if I could do it on Thursday and I told her that I’m at work on weekdays and it isn’t possible. She proceeds to ask me immediately if Wednesday works right after I told her that I can’t do Weekdays. I haven’t replied since then and it’s been about a month and half. She texted me recently during new year, wishing me a happy new year but I haven’t texted back.
Was I in the wrong at any point for not replying or was I not assertive enough and didn’t provide enough hints that I’m not interested? Thanks!
15 comments
Why can’t you just say you’re not interested?
Flaking is shitty so I’m not excusing what she did, but after the date when she was asking to meet again and you kept responding without the intention of actually continuing to see her is leading her on. Though she turned up late and unprepared, she still turned up and I think sending her just a “hey look I had fun but we aren’t compatible” or something would’ve been better.
I can see your point. She’s putting in little to no effort, so ghosting seems alright in this situation. But she still seemed interested in you, so I think a rejection/goodbye message would’ve been the best thing to do. Ghosting is shitty.
Yes you were very wrong. She took the time to still come to you and even though she didn’t offer an apology for being late, you could have subtly brought that up in a joking manner. If she had the intention of texting you to meet up again, you should have reciprocated text wise by letting her know that as much as you’d appreciate meeting up for another date, you don’t think it will work out.
You need to be direct with her. Even if its hard for her or you.
Why do you care whether you might have been wrong or might have made a mistake or didn’t communicate well? And, what exatly do you think might have been your ‘mistake’? When you say ‘was I in the wrong’, who are you talking about? Whose opinion are you concerned about? I guess it’s prolly the girl’s opinion of your presumed ‘mistake’ or ‘error’ that you are concerned with.
Is hat correct?
Ghost her she sounds terrible.
Yes, you were in the wrong. No, you’re not assertive enough. A simple text would’ve been sufficient and she never would’ve contacted you again.
And just so you know, the description of all you’re crazy exes an emotional vampires, they are being attracted to you because of your behavior. You’re indirect, indecisive, passive-aggressive, you do not communicate clearly, and you do not set clear boundaries. none of these are qualities that a well-adjusted mentally-stable woman wants to deal with.
You could’ve just simply said “Sorry, I’m not interested”. That’s it. Man, trust me, you won’t like it if a girl does the same thing to you. You’ve wasted both your and her time.
Just be straight and tell her you’re not interested. “It was nice to meet you but I’m not feeling a connection, best of luck to you”
I think you need to learn how to date better. You walked past a bunch of shit that would have had me noping out of it. Flaking, showing up late, all the marriage talk right out of the gate?
Damn dude.
And yeah, you were shitty for not just being honest that you’re not digging the connection. You could have taken the high road, been decent, but you chose not to.
She’s a mess, but you suck at this.
Yes, you should have just said ‘I’m sorry but I don’t feel like pursuing this any further.’ Trying to give her hints was unnecessary.
You weren’t wrong, but you can just go about it an easier way and straight up tell the woman you’re not interested and good luck to her. You would avoid all the nonsense messages if you did that early on.
Alright dude, you asked for advice but you just keep arguing with everyone. Grow up, be a man, say you’re not interested and move on. It’s not hard.
I would tell her you’re not interested. Some people don’t get the hint right away and it sounds like she is one of those people. I’m in the minority but I would want you to be upfront and honest. I like someone who is blunt and doesn’t beat around the bush.
Not reading all of this, bit no.