I’m 21 M and she is 19F. We’re just friends and we met online. She comes from a south Asian household so struggled with strict family with specific expectations. She basically has no freedom and is home 100% of her free time as she’s not allowed to go out.
Over the few years I’ve known her, she always comes to me to vent as I’m basically the only friend she is able to hide from her family. I’ve heard her vent about family and friends 1000s of times already and always give her advice.
Seeing her lack of freedom, she’s never had a boyfriend and was the typical teen online who would send nudes to guys who showed interest in her. After meeting me, she has since stopped doing this as I’ve explained to her what mistakes she was making. However, she remains desperate for any attention and love as she’s never had it due to her family.
Now a few months ago, she met someone on Reddit. He is 27 i believe and physically looks way way older than her.
She instantly began to like this guy just simple because would sweet talk to her and give her attention. Honestly, that’s all it really takes as she desires to have a relationship.
I had to explain that it was pointless given the age difference. And that most likely the guy would lie about who he was and was just trying to get nudes.
We had an argument because I expressed that I was tired of giving the same advice over and over again, and that. Was making the same mistakes as her younger self would. I was just tired of hearing the same issues specially since I was seeing she was about to make the same one again.
She agreed to no longer speak to him. I asked her to instead make relationships in person as she attends college.
Now a few months later, I’ve learned that he messages her and she ended up replying. Again, all it toook was a few flirty messages and I’ve also learned that she sent a nude and has been sexting him.
She’s obviously free to do as she wants but I just know it will lead to nothing at all. I even explained that he looks wayyyyyyy older than her and that seeing both of them together in public would draw eyes from people.
Should I just give up on giving advice? I’ve been doing it for years and nothing has changed.
Or am I in the wrong here? Please keep in mind that it’s literally years of the same issues and advice being shared. Why would I keep helping when there’s plenty of evidence that it’s pointless?
TL;DR: my friend keeps making the same mistakes even thought we spoke about her issues hundreds of times. Should I just give up?
2 comments
Has she ever asked you for advice? You say she comes to you to vent, which implies she hasn’t asked for advice. It’s generally rude to offer unsolicited advice, and almost always a bad idea as well. Have you tried being emotionally supportive instead of offering advice?
As you get older, you’ll realize that most people dont follow advice. Most people will not follow your advice either. Thats just how it goes.
I used to be like you. I would get upset because I really cared for somebody and gave them advice out of pure love….but they ignore it, make the same mistake again and then come back for more advice that I know they wont listen to lol This is just how it is man.
People are going to do what they want to do, no matter what you say. This is reality.
So my advice to you is, dont give advice with the expectation that the person will actually put it into action. Give the advice, and forget about it. If they come back with the same problem, you just tell them you already addressed that so its up to them to do it or not.
If you worry about every person you give advice to following through or not….you will lose your mind.