Tl:dr worried about my mum, hate the automod on this sub (makes it super hard fo neurodovergent people to post)
my mum is 70 and loves piers Morgan
Piers Morgan loving mum
I feel like the title says most of my concerns. But if I may rant then I shall. My mum has got super in piers. She is aware he’s a bit of an asshole but will still steadily come out with worrying stuff. She called my brother in law a poof for wanting a bichon Frisch. This is so unlike her. I am gay and she has been supportive (she still is but doesn’t seem to see that saying that is a problem, because it just makes me TOO SENSITIVE to bring it up ) the last few months where she appears to actually sneer with enjoyment about calling people snowflakes. I have a problem with this because it feels like an insult older people use because towards younger people because they are threatened by the way the world is changing and they are embarrassed. She seems genuine hurt that the world is more accepting and not putting up with their (that generations) shit anymore. There seems to be such a pattern with that generation and I’m trying to be patient but it’s just disgusting. She sneered at the concept of unconscious bias the other(just the concept) and me and my sister had to explain it’s not a snowflake term to excuse, it’s just like…science? Is anyone else dealing with this? Mostly im just asking HOW do we deal with our parents who are like this? There is a small part of me that feels like i can’t deal with it anymore. I’m gay with mental health problems and kinda just feels like my mum is laughing behind my back. I want her (and family) in my life but I’m not sure at what point it’s not okay.
My mum isn’t an arsehole, she’s just turned into one and it’s like watching someone being brainwashed. As a snowflake with some serious mental health problems, this is a a problem.
3 comments
Two routes to take:
1. “mom, when you use gay slurs it is hurtful to me, specifically, because I am gay and that word has been used in really derogatory ways towards people like me. You don’t have to agree with me, but I do need you to stop making comments like that”.
Then…
2. Spend way less energy on trying to change her mind. She brings up snowflakes? “Uhh, okay mom” and change the subject. You’re not going to fix anything through having exhausting conversations trying to make her think differently. If she was open to changing her opinion, she’d already be listening to you!
And maybe that means that you have to spend less time with her, for your own sanity. And if she asks why you’re not coming round so often any more, you can say “like I already told you mom, it’s hurtful to me when you make rude comments about gay people or other marginalized people. Stop doing that and I’ll come over!”.
You have a brainwashed mom with good intentions, I have a brainwashed dad with good intentions. Different topics being brainwashed but still I can relate.
I don’t engage. If they want to have an adult conversation with me they are free to. If they want me to participate in hateful rhetoric, they probably won’t see me for a while. The shoulder becomes cold. And I let him know, “yeah I’m not going to engage with hate like that”, leave the room. It’s not an ideal situation but it helps
There is a lot to unpack here.
How often are you seeing your mother? When she makes these remarks, how do you typically respond? Do you try to proactively engage her on more pleasant topics?