Why does the First Kiss have such a disproportionate impact?

28 comments

1. It shows what your sexual chemistry is like. If it’s not there for a kiss then it won’t be there for sex.

2. Basically, you’ll know after a first kiss whether you want to kiss them again. If you don’t, there’s no reason to continue dating someone.

3. Because if I don’t like kissing you, I won’t want to escalate it. Take kissing and sex out of the equation and it’s a friend.

4. I’ve never had a lackluster first kiss kill my interest in someone.

   But I have had a kiss dramatically increase my interest in someone. Good kissing can be passionate, or playful, or tender, and those are all qualities that can elevate the vibe from pleasant to romantic.

5. If the first kiss is not to my liking, it’s probable that none of the others are going to be either.

6. It’s often the first time you smell and taste someone, and that matters (subconsciously for many people).

   It’s also the first intimate contact, and that tells you a lot about how someone is intimate. Which may not work for at least one of you.

   One partner I was with for ~10 years our first kiss was one of those teeth-clanging, nose-bashing disasters that you associate with teenagers not adults. But we laughed and tried again. It worked out. But also, in retrospect, my bad feeling about woman who obviously didn’t even consider the possibility that I might not consent to being kissed was the first red flag and I shouldn’t have let it slide (I wanted the kiss so I did… ooops). It’s an easy mistake to make, but it’s an opportunity to talk about consent and have the discussion, rather than something to let slide.

7. I disagree with the majority of the comments here so far. I expect first kisses to be a bit awkward. I have never lost interest in my date if everything besides the kiss was good, which is nice because the second and third kisses have always been exponentially better. Now if they were like an extremely bad/sloppy kisser or got too handsy during the kiss that’s quite different.

8. All of my bad first kisses were so bad there was no coming back from that cliff.

   A lot of the first kisses where I didn’t want to see the guy again were just bad, they were taken without my consent or even “a good first date” – a lot of them were bad first dates I was actively trying to escape.

9. I would decline another date if the kiss was really bad. It’s just too awkward to face them again. If it’s at least okay, I can work with that because you’ll usually find your groove together. Kissing is probably my favorite so if I don’t like the kissing I probably won’t like the fucking.

10. A bad first kiss is impactful and a turn off. Think of bad as completely out of sync, stabby tongue, was too slobbery, no passion or chemistry.

    Awkward or imperfect can be worked with though.

    Basically if I don’t want to kiss you again, then I don’t want to date you.

11. How many people here are getting kissed on first dates? Am I somehow an even bigger loser than I was aware of?

12. All these comments are killing me. I consider myself a great kisser, but kissing someone I don’t know? We might have different styles! My (ex now) wife wouldn’t have married me if she placed so much emphasis on the first kiss. Ours was horrible. We were both good but in different ways. It takes more than one kiss in my opinion.

    If the first kiss is amazing then yeah, kudos, but if it’s not, figure out why and maybe the second kiss will be amazing.

    Please stop thinking that sex with someone will be awkward because the kiss was awkward. You could be the best kissers but then sex be insanely weird.

    Gotta get past the first or even second to find out what works for the both of you

13. I can confidently say that of the worst kissers I’ve ever experienced, that I would not want long term relationships with them purely off that.

    Now with that said… theres a lot of wiggle room between the best and worst kissers I’ve had. And I wouldn’t have an issue with someone falling in the middle, and you can work with it and maybe guide them to kiss different if it’s that important.

14. This is probably not universally true but I have found that that men that are bad at kissing tend to be bad in bed. Especially if they are overly aggressive.

15. 33f here. It is important but if it wasn’t amazing it’s not a dealbreaker. Could be nerves that makes a first kiss what it is. I would probably be more worried if the 2nd and 3rd kiss felt off.

16. Kissing is an important way that humans trade pheromones. Female humans especially use it to evaluate males’ genetic compatibility with them. Much of this is done subconsciously, but we are aware of how it makes us feel, even if we don’t know why.

17. You either know how to kiss or you don’t. It’s not something that tends to improve over time. Kissing for me is the gateway to all other physical affection, if you can’t kiss me in a way that turns me on, there won’t be a progression towards anything else physical, today or ever. And why date someone who I’m never goi g to want to have sex with?

    Don’t get me wrong, as long as the kiss is decent, it can be improved on. But a BAD kiss, is an instant turn off. Someone who is actively bad at kissing, is not going to work for me.

18. Just had an incredible 1st kiss on a date yesterday. He isn’t physically my type and I would have been fine if this turned into a friendzone situation, but that kiss? That kiss told me that we both want more of this, so the 2nd date is planned for Tuesday, where there will be more of those kisses. So yes, at least to me, it matters.

19. I’ve stopped kissing on first dates, but when the first kiss does happen it can definitely be a make or break of chemistry.

    If I’ve gone on 4 dates and the guy hasn’t made a move, also seems more friendship then dating chemistry.

    I’ll probably make a move before then, but trying to let men take the lead and go for the ride.

20. From my experience I’ve found that good kissers are usually good in bed. 😂 Sex is important to me in a relationship so it is a make or break for me.

21. I don’t place importance on a first kiss, but a bad first kiss can give me “the ick” and after that it’s hard to get excited about it again. I kind of hate that it affects me that way because it can kill a bit of the attraction I had for the person and I have no control over this. If it was a great date and we had a connection, I will push through and go for another date though and hope the kissing improves. If it was an average date, and bad kissing, I probably wouldn’t bother.

22. I’m 34 I’m not kissing someone who tries to waterboard me with their tongue more than once.

    Yes it matters. Some things are workable but chemistry is not.

23. I guess I’m out of the loop as I have never even thought about a first kiss making or breaking someone as someone I’d want to date. A great first kiss can be a hot bonus, but I’ve never used a first kiss as any deciding factor for or against a next date. To do so I find a bit baffling.

    To those trying to use the listing as a judgment for sex – my experience this is a completely false myth. I’ve dated men who are INCREDIBLE kissers but horrible at all the rest of it. And dated men who didn’t kiss the best but were incredibly giving and amazing lovers.

    A bad first kiss can be caused from anything from nerves to tasting something they ate/drank I don’t care for to just not yet in sync. True, some never do get better and when I find that happening after a few kisses – if I’m otherwise really liking everything else – I speak up about things I would prefer… most of the time they are willing to adjust.

24. One time we went to hug after a first date, she went for a kiss and I realized that just in time to kiss her right on the ear. It was a great relationship.

25. I think you misunderstand what a “bad kiss” means. I’ve had first kisses or even sex that was “objectively bad” but I still liked it. All that matters is if i wanna keep kissing them or not. If I like them, that’s usually the case.

    I think the reason why more women say this is probably because we maybe didn’t want the kiss to begin with? I’ve been on dates with guys where everything felt off but then they either randomly kissed me or asked for a kiss. I hated some of those kisses because it really told me what I already knew.

26. Woman here. My first kisses and first sex normally are quite reserved as it’s just getting the taste, first time, after all. So, I always give myself and the other person the second and third go – normally, it’s much much better than first time. So, no, not all of us judge men by that & we ourselves as women also suck at doing it first time, it’s not all up to men how the “performance” goes.

27. I don’t place much on the first kiss beause they can sometimes be awkward. It can take a couple of goes to be in sync with each other imo.

28. According to the feedback I have received over the years, I’m an extremely good kisser but very childish and without real ambition in life (I’m a man, and this is not good). My relationships are usually on fire the first few months, because we are passionate and burn with sensation. (I’m a writer, musician, very decent physique, the full romantic beastly package) But as times goes on, kissing and intimacy is usually overshadowed by the fact that I’m not someone you can build a reliable future. (That’s what women usually say to me.)

    But good kissing is really one of the most important things at the beginning.

    I had this girl back in the day, we were completely different. But our kisses were Titanic romance level. I felt like we create art anytime we kissed. It was indeed something magical and I know she feels the same about it. It’s an eternal memory for me.

    We broke up after 3 months.