So I’m not sure what my real problem is, but I’m a 30 year old guy with a normal sex drive (or high to some I imagine). I’m straight, fit, healthy and have no sexual dysfunction issues such as traditional ED or anything of the sort.
My problem is with intercourse. I find intercourse an unpleasant chore. With all my sexual partners it has been the same; I have to concentrate to maintain an erection which will frequently diminish due to disinterest. No amount of arousing foreplay changes this once I’m back in. The act itself gives me little to no pleasure, especially so with a condom which I find revolting to touch, smell and even look at. I have a thing about some rubbers like that. I find latex gloves gross as well. But raw sex is still not exciting to me.
There is no bearing on how attractive I find my partner or how in love with them I am; I simply don’t enjoy intercourse or any penetrative sex. Why? Is there a way to change this? I’m not convinced there is, and without a way I feel like I may be doomed to disappoint women and fail in my relationships.
13 comments
Different strokes for different folks.
You need to find what works for you and stop forcing yourself to like something you clearly don’t enjoy. Be open about it and experiment a bit to figure out what you do enjoy.
Could also do some therapy to see if there is underlying trauma or maybe OCD or something when it comes to the intercourse and rubbery things, which seems to be an issue for you.
Can you describe it in more detail the reasons, if you can?
I get the act itself might not be arousing, but..
It doest feel good to you? The sensation on your dick?
Does seeing your partner in pleasure turn you on? Is the activity itself important then?
Do you focus purely on the physical side of things, or do you loose yourself in the moment because you feel intimacy with your partner? Do you experience positive emotions from intimacy in other situations?
What do you enjoy, and why?
I think you need to delve deeper into this issue. You don’t seem to actually understand what is going on.
You hate condoms… that’s fine. But you also don’t like sex without them, so condoms aren’t the problem. Do you like vaginas at all? Does performing cunnilingus gross you out? What about anal sex, could you stay hard for that? You say you’re straight, but have you ever tried sex with a man? It’s possible to be gay and not really realize it, especially if you only have romantic attraction towards women. Do you enjoy receiving a blowjob to completion?
Until you actually figure out what is causing this experience, and what you actually like, there’s no way you’ll be able to solve this. And finding an asexual partner who is willing to do things they don’t want to do, just so that you don’t have to do things you don’t want to do, is not a solution.
By the way, there is no such thing as “traditional” erectile dysfunction. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and causes. If you struggle to Maintain an erection long enough to complete sex, you have ED.
[I’m sorry if this comment results petty, but…
Please don’t ever write again “an asexual woman who is just happy to please me” because this is extremely disrespectful. And if by “pleasing you” you mean having her giving you oral sex, or just touching you, you shouldn’t really seek out an asexual person. Not all asexuals hate sex, but most of them don’t really like it either.]
Having said that, if you don’t enjoy it, there’s nothing wrong with that. You could enjoy different kinds of sex (oral, … ), or need to explore different things. Unironically, you could be asexual. There’s no right or wrong with what you enjoy or don’t enjoy.
Maybe there’s some kind of unresolved trauma as well, and talking to a therapist could also help.
I don’t think you’re doomed to disappoint anyone: 1) relationships are more than just sex and 2) there are many ways to please a partner and make it enjoyable for you as well. Don’t be too hard on yourself! Think of things you enjoy and propose these to your partner instead. Good luck! 
So… How often do you watch porn?
Then you don’t have a normal sex drive, you just can get hard, but if you don’t enjoy it then you don’t like it
You don’t like putting it in a pussy, what about a mouth? Hand? Or an ass?
Definitely some rare form of asexuality.
Gay?
This might be completely off base, or you might also see the logic in my thinking so i’m going to share my view just incase it’s the latter.
To me from what you said it makes me think that the reason you’re fine with not overthinking during giving and receiving sexual acts is because it’s specifically one or the other. With PIV, yes you can focus more on her and reactions etc like you mentioned but clearly only to some degree because you mentioned you struggle to stay erect during PIV, so you can’t just focus on her mentally as you’re dragged back and forth between also having to try and ensure you’re getting enough physical stimulation to remain hard to give her the pleasure you’re getting off on seeing.. do you see what I’m saying?
In conclusion, the approach I would have to this would be to take the control off you a bit, doing positions that let her be the movement say on top, maybe reverse cowgirl etc and so you can focus on her wholeheartedly as you will not have to move and can just soak her in – that being said I can’t promise that will be enough to keep you erect but if you haven’t tried that approach physically and mentally I’d definitely give it a go, and if you want to get into it maybe also touch her clit or stimulate elsewhere as she rides you to still be doing a physical act rather than just watching if it helps you.
Again, might not help, just my personal opinion. If it ends up with you just not liking piv sex, oh well, some girls don’t like piv either, there’s no correct way to have sex, you could always use toys for penetration whilst she can give you head etc might suit your preferences better
Death grip?
I don’t think most barnacles do intercourse so probably logical
It sounds like you are firm in your dislike, so accept yourself the way you are. Maybe your task is to find partners who are similar and prefer to not have penetrative sex. This will take communication but I’m guessing that you can find compatible partners.