TL;DR: saw ex-gf after 15 years. Do I catchup?
Long version: (it’s actually not that long and more relevant)
15 years has passed on. I’m now married quite happily – apart from the usual aberrations here and there, I’m dearly in love with my wife.
15 years ago. I had a short lived (< year) whirlwind of a romance. It was very impactful for reasons I don’t know why even today. Today I saw her at the airport. Lot of memories came back – sweet and bitter.
I got curious- what happened after? I want to reach out and talk to her. I asked myself if this would do anything to my life? Absolutely nothing. It’s like a good old book that you never finished and you finally want to see what happened.
Is it a good idea?
8 comments
I wouldn’t, but that’s just me. I’m not sure what you’re hoping to gain from this. Even if you cured some curiosity, what if it brought old feelings back? How would your wife feel, knowing you needed to hear from this ex?
I don’t think it would do anything good for anyone.
Well, it depends. Put yourself in your wife’s shoes. If you think you’d be fine with her just having a platonic catch-up with a whirlwind romance from 15 years ago, then no problem. If you would feel a bit upset by it, then don’t.
Definitely make sure you don’t hide this from your wife if you do decide to message her and find out.
I caught up with an ex a few years ago after she moved to the area. It was good to catch up on her news and apologise for a couple of things from years back. Then we found out we really didn’t have much in common any more.
terrible idea. You are an idiot if you get together with an ex while being happily married. That is asking for trouble
I had a girlfriend in my freshman year of college. We parted. About five years later, she dropped a line to say she was going to be passing through my city and maybe I’d like to hang out. We did. Twenty-some years later, we’re still good friends.
Had another college girlfriend. We fell out of touch for a little over a decade. Ran into her at the grocery store. We’re friends.
But here’s the big difference:
>Lot of memories came back – sweet and bitter.
When I reconnected with these old girlfriends, there was no flood of memories. There was a remembrance of “Oh yeah, I liked hanging out and talking with this person, I wonder how they’re doing now.”
You’re not looking to reconnect to be friends: you’re creeping up to the line of having a fling with an ex. Don’t.
I don’t think you want to open Pandora’s Box. How would your wife feel about your reaching out to a prior romance? Bad idea sir. Close the book.
No. You said hi at the airport (or you didn’t) and that’s where it should end. There’s no reason to open that can of worms and nothing good can come of it. Bad things can though.
Ask your wife if she thinks it’s a good idea.
What would you tell your wife? If you’re considering anything other than the complete truth, the meeting is definitely a bad idea.