Should I ask him if he’s okay with me being plus size before we have sex?

46 comments

1. If someone comes over to your house for sex, they’re okay with you as you are, but if you feel like you need to ask then ask.

2. In my opinion I wouldn’t say anything and you don’t seem that plus sized like to me I would love the sound of how you look and it wouldn’t bother me non I think you should be ok with not saying it but depends on how shallow he is tho also

3. No offense, but IMO 155lbs is not plus size. I wouldn’t say to that him, because it might show him that you lack confidence. Also I wouldn’t put yourself down like that. Tummy and thick thighs are a good thing! Big boobs wouldn’t hurt either haha

4. NO! Of course he is okay with how you are if he wants to have sex with you!

   If u want reassurance you can bring other topics up in a fun way, example asking what position are u most looking forward to do with me? / What captured your attention about me, and viceversa

   Everybody has insecurities and everybody worries about them when it comes to being naked but there s no need to put yourself down in front of a stranger, know your worth

5. First off, please don’t consider yourself plus size. It sounds like your height and weight is not anything that you need to be concerned with. I don’t think you should even consider bringing it up with him. He’ll see you when he arrives, and you’ll sense if there’s any chemistry. If you don’t feel it or if he’s not giving you a feel-good vibe, then screw him! He’s not the right guy for you! But you are not plus-size, so just be confident in being you 🥰

6. First of all, you are not plus sized.

   If you are feeling uncomfortable about feeling exposed, go find yourself some sexy lingerie. It’s like confidence that you wear. Lol

7. Unless you’ve gone through lengths to disguise how you look to him, if he’s coming over he doesn’t care!

8. No. Just let things develop naturally and hopefully something beautiful emerges

9. Love all shapes

10. Um….im 5’5” and range from 140 to 150 and im pretty slim with a tiny bit of padding…you can’t be that big girl….

11. Please enjoy this time and size in your life for all of us in our 30s and 40s who remember when we though we were plus sized at 155.
    Seriously, go rock his world like you are a super model.. bc you ARE! Have fun. Don’t worry about a little tummy or a thigh gap.

12. Stop thinking that your body is a valid source of shame or concern. If he’s seen a picture of you (a bare minimum before coming over for sex), and he’s still on his way, there’s no additional need to check in.

    You can ask him what he thinks of your presentation, what he likes about you, and what attracts him to you. Those are great avenues to validate your beauty.

13. I’m literally 22f, 5’3 and 155lbs 🥲 I don’t consider myself thin but I certainly never considered myself plus size…

14. The lack of confidence that would come with someone asking me that question would instantly turn me off from fucking them forever.

    Do not talk yourself out of getting laid. That’s their job, not yours.

15. I’m the same size and while I do want to lose the last 20 pounds of pregnancy weight, I absolutely do not consider myself plus-sized. You should not either.

16. Im sure the last thing he is thinking of is your weight. Im sure he has his own insecurities. Just relax and enjoy yourselves.

17. Haha the guy saying ok to your request is already a confirmation of his attraction. Or maybe this is a guy doesn’t know you and you are lying about your photos?

18. Is this a blind date?

19. i’m pretty sure he knows, he doesn’t care if he’s having sex w u

20. If you need to ask for yourself, then ask. You do not need to ask for him. He knows, and he will be there because either 1. It doesn’t matter. 2. he prefers plus size 3. He prefers you. Perhaps all 3.

21. This is the most ridiculous questions I’ve ever seen. Is this anonymous sex or something

22. I (22,M) was in a similar situation with my ex-gf (21,F). She was open about her feelings towards her body and in our case it made the relationship (and our sex lives) better.

    She was/is plus size and she told me that it made her feel insecure and she was worried it would make it difficult for her to find a partner. I told her that I like plus size women (I wasn’t lying). Holding and cuddling a plus-size woman feels really nice. Also, plus size women tend to have big boobs that are fun to play with before and during sex. Also, plus size women have an ass to spank (if your into spanking). She told me that she “loved being my type.”

    He’s coming over to your house to have sex with you, Im sure he’s fine with how you are. If you feel the need to ask him you can but I don’t think it is something you -need- to do.

23. Where the hell is 155lb plus size? Lol

24. he knows what you look like

25. I’m 5’10 and 280lbs and wear a 2x/3x depending on the item. If you’ve met this guy before and he’s coming over to have sex, he knows what you look like. No need to say anything about it. It’s just gonna be awkward (speaking from experience). I never once talked about it with my boyfriend before we started dating because i remember how weird it was with other guys in the past. Having to constantly have the “I’m fat” talk. I can get how different positions can make you feel more vulnerable but if he’s asking you to get on top or do whatever he obviously is enjoying what he sees. Don’t overthink it and just enjoy it!

26. I see your question may come from an insecure place, but remember *you’re* letting *him* have sex with you and that in and of itself is a privilege for anybody. You’re special no matter your size and the point is to enjoy your sexual experience rather than focusing on what is going to please him because I’m pretty sure he’s going to enjoy it either way 🙂

27. If you need that assurance, absolutely ask him. As many others are commenting, he will likely validate and confirm that he is in fact attracted to you just as you are, considering he came over to “do the deed.” As far as whether discussing this would be turn off for him, a good general rule-of-thumb is if you cannot talk about a sexual activity, you probably should not engage in it.

28. Pretty sure when he walks into your place and sees you one of two things will happen 1) he will turn around and make a beeline for his car to leave as soon as possible or 2) he will see you say hey, what’s up, and enjoy your company for the evening. Depending on how that goes is when you two need to talk about doing the deed.

    Good luck

29. I can’t be the only one here thinking you may wanna meet this dude before inviting him over to your house….

30. He knows what you look like. He’s felt your body.

31. That is not even plus sized IMO. You are fine. If you are nervous about being naked or feel self conscious you can let him know and I bet he will complement you. Otherwise, you kick him out. Think of it more like: he is lucky to spend the night w you and if he complained or didn’t like something about you he Def needs to go. It would be a huge red flag for a man to say anything. I’m 41F very secure. I was a size 14 when I started messing w one of the guys I’m dating and have since lost 50 lbs. I look great. He is a super hot old man IMO and he never once made me feel anything but sexy when I let him fuck me. Which is why, 3 yrs later, he gets to F me whenever he wants 😉 😉 keep nice guys in your life to get to know better, kick anyone who makes you feel “less than” to the curb IMMEDIATELY.

    Don’t worry if someone likes you. You worry IF YOU LIKE THEM. Otherwise you will miss red flags.

32. so long as he’s seen you before it shouldnt be a problem

33. I’m assuming you and this guy already know each other to some extent, which would mean he already knows you’re plus-sized. With that knowledge, if he still decides to come over to your house, he’s very willing to have sex with you. I don’t think asking him will be necessary. But if you do need that reassurance, I’m sure he won’t be a dick about it.

34. I don’t know what country you’re in, but the average woman in the US is 5’4 170lbs by the most recent study.

    You’re most definitely not plus sized.

35. You are not plus sized. Yea you got some meat for sure, but not plus size at all. Also, he doesn’t need a warning. If he has expressed interest then you’re good! Have fun!

36. 155 is not plus size??

37. Where I come from, 5’4″ 155 is not fat by any stretch of the imagination. A few extra pounds, maybe – but nothing to be concerned with!

    “Plus size” at 5’4″ would be 190++ to me, even then – I wouldn’t have any issues.

38. No no no!

    Do not ask him if he is okay with your body type. He is not going to ask you if his penis is too <fill in the blank>.

    You are a worthy person besides a body mass index number. Any decent guy should feel privileged to have the opportunity to enjoy your company.

39. If you’re inviting someone over and they have never seen you in person, you shouldn’t be inviting that person over.

40. I once was concerned about my weight with a new guy, so I sent him a photo of me showing off my body in tighter clothes (tight yoga pants and a form fitting v-neck in a full body mirror selfie) after a workout. He responded VERY WELL, so I stopped worrying.

    Maybe consider doing something like that?

41. You’ve definitely got a bit of self image distortion going on here – at your stats you are probably not wearing plus sizes, and no one reasonable is going to be using that terminology to describe you.

    You might benefit from subscribing to r/normalnudes and checking out the comments – you can see people there admiring and praising every sort of body type, and it’s a hugely helpful corrective to the media narrative that wants you constantly paranoid about your body.

42. Just another person chiming in to reiterate that you’re not plus sized.

    That body dismorphia is a mofo huh. It gets me too.

43. Have they never seen you before? Is this like an online dating thing? Maybe meet them in public for safety reasons if that’s the case but if they’ve seen you then they’ve seen you and if they’re coming over then they’re coming over, but please don’t ask this question.

44. 5’3” 26F here, I’ve experienced a weight range in my adult life: 130-175. I wasn’t considered “plus-size” during any of it, usually sat around a M/L. I slept with a lot of people and never received a single comment, even at my highest. Let your confidence fly and you’ll never look back.

    And as an aside, get out of the habit of apologizing to/warning people of you. That will bleed over from sex to other aspects of your life and harm you. You exist as you are and that’s enough. If that’s not enough for them, they don’t deserve you. Have fun with your guy 🙂

45. Youre not plus size that’s kind of insulting for any mid size girls out there. Get a therapist you need to work on self confidence

46. I’m 5ft 2 and 148 I don’t consider myself plus size at all!