I (21f) got into a pretty big argument with my boyfriend (22m) a week or so ago. Long story short, I got high with some friends and he was mad that I smoked. I didn’t realize he was so against it, we got in a huge spat, and it was pretty ugly. He didn’t talking to me for a day and when he finally did it was just to say that he was disgusted with me and felt sick any time he thought of me. He said he wanted space, I backed off for a few days, and eventually he came around and we were able to smooth things out.
The first day we were hanging out again we eventually had sex. Normally we get a bit rough, nothing crazy though. Spanking, very light breath play, your standard step up from vanilla. There was something really off putting though this time. It hurt more than normal, I guess? Like it normally hurt a little, obviously, but there was nothing pleasurable about the pain this time. He was aggressive in a really unsettling way and it felt like he was doing it more to get revenge than out of a sexual desire, if that makes sense. Honestly it scared me, I’ve never felt like that when we’ve had sex. I actually started crying a little, but I don’t think he noticed. I haven’t brought it up to him. How should I approach this?
12 comments
Uhhhh. This is red flaggy as fuck. You never take your physical aggressions out on people, especially in a sexual manner. That’s assult. And assuming you started crying while your face was visible to him, there’s no way he didn’t see it.
The fact he said he was digusted any time he thought of you suggests he just wants to hurt you. And he wants to hurt you for not doing what he wants. He is controlling.
Well this sucks and he’s never going to stop getting mad about smoking so why stay with him?
I’m so sorry that happened to you. I would talk with him and tell him how he made you feel. This is a sign that he will fight you until he gets his way and if he doesn’t he will make you suffer. The previous person said the a word, but think that is up to you to decide.
Leave. He thinks he can abuse you because you did one single thing he disagrees with. That isn’t okay. Violence under the guise of “rough sex” is exactly what has landed other women in the fucking ground. Leave now while you still can.
He was punishing you. Nothing about that is ok. Adults in healthy, loving relationships don’t punish each other.
Don’t approach this, jus leave go the other way.
I’m so sorry that happened to you =/ I’m not sure if talking to him abt it would do much bc I feel like he’d deny it but I also don’t wanna jump immediately to dump him. This is a toughie, if you do choose to stay w him please do so w extreme caution
I don’t care what people say about breath play it can cause brain damage and kill you. I don’t think anybody should ever do it and especially not with somebody they think it’s rough.
You know you can say stop at any point during sex? I’m so confused as to why (not just you, lots of similar posts here) people aren’t saying STOP I don’t like this
Dump him.
Do you feel safe having sex with him again, knowing that a ’little breath play’ when he’s angry might result in strangulation? Personally, I wouldn’t trust someone who would take out his anger on me sexually, what will he do if you argue about something more serious?
His displeasure with your smoking should have been discussed in a conversation, not in bed. I see this as a forecast of what a future would be like with him if you do anything he doesn’t agree with. This is not okay.