I’ve known my best friend since college. He was in my wedding and I was in his. He and his wife have had issues and I guess the term in ‘dead bedroom.’
He came out to me as bi and wanted to have sex.
I’m straight and monogamous and turned him down.
It’s awkward now. He’s been my best friend for so long and I love him but not in a sexual way. Don’t know what to do.
8 comments
You accept your friend for who he is and don’t let that situation get in the way of a friendship
You did nothing wrong here. First, I would tell your wife so he doesn’t spin the story. The friendship is changed now and can’t be unchanged, which is unfortunate. I’d sit down and have an open talk about what is next in your friendship. It could be over if he can’t get over his feelings or you guys can move passed it.
Well it wasn’t great of him to put you in that situation, but maybe he really felt cornered and trapped and that there was nobody he could talk to about this but you. Proposition aside, it sounds like he needs some community. Maybe you could help him get in touch with some lgbt community, even online. There are a lot of subreddits for instance about bisexuality, including r/MarriedandBi.
Just act normal. If you were clear that you aren’t interested he’s probably more uneasy then you about this. Pretend it didn’t happen and act like you did before.
If he brings it up again (and if you were clear he won’t), be clear. Explain that you aren’t into that and won’t be. And that bringing it up again could hurt your friendship.
Lots of women have to deal with friends hitting on them. Generally friendships survive. I’m sure you’ll get better advice from them then from me.
First off – tell your wife. Do NOT keep secrets.
Second, you try to save the friendship. Explain kindly that you value him as a friend, but that you are straight AND monogamous, that while you are flattered that he thought of you, that it just not something you’d be comfortable with. Make sure that he doesn’t feel judged for his sexuality, just that you aren’t the person to explore this with.
The thing is – he was in the wrong here to proposition you, knowing you are married. So he has to be the one to get over this.
If neither one of you make it weird, it won’t be weird. If somehow it’s gotten weird because neither one of you is sure what the other thinks, then it’s time for a beer. Sit down and say you don’t care, still want to be friends, blah blah .. then have some fun with it. “stop checking out my dick bro” *laughs* ..
Sounds like he’s a good friend and you would like to keep the friendship. In that case I would not tell your wife. That’s not really keeping”secrets” you were put in a situation and you handled it, no harm no foul. Just let him know that you value his friendship but there are boundaries, if those boundaries change you will let him know.
Big thing for you and I can get you to help