Do you tell them everything about how and why you feel? Or do you prefer to minimize risk of damaging other person and keep your truths to yourself? I know it varies on case by case basis but i am interested in your experiences.

12 comments

  1. It seems best to say that it’s you, not her. Make sure she knows it’s final, but no need to dump on her at the end.

  2. I’d always go with a very gentle approach.

    But if she presses me for more honestly, I’ll make sure she really wants it, as best as I can, and if she does, I’ll provide it.

  3. “*Hurt me with the truth, but never comfort me with a lie.*”
    I’ve been lied to before about break-ups, and it sent me down the wrong path of how to avoid repeating the same mistakes I thought I made based on the lies I was told.
    I would have much preferred to have heard the real truth at the time, no matter how harsh it might have been, so that I could learn & grow from it.
    So I feel it’s best to be completely honest.

  4. If it isn’t mutual the best approach is the “my bad” approach.

    Honesty is the best policy, except when it isn’t, a break up is such an occasion. Giving “constructive advise” doesn’t work because you don’t know how attached is the person you are breaking with to the traits you would wish for that person to change, and since you are breaking up with that person telling that person to change something that may be a crucial part of their identity for something that is more to your liking just makes no sense.

  5. Depends how the relationship is.

    If she’s regular and it just isnt working I’m very soft and gentle but also firm that its over.

    If shes crazy I just end it in a public place and never see her again.

  6. I’m extremely honest but don’t need to go into details why I’m breaking up with someone I wouldn’t want them to either that’s just a waste of time

  7. It’s not you it’s me, blah, blah, blah. I just want you to be happy, whatever. Not very honest.

  9. In my last serious relationship before I met my wife, I was brutally honest with the break-up. We had very different ideas about how the relationship was going and I needed to lay down the unvarnished truth. I needed to do this because she kept trying to salvage the relationship and started making promises to change that were unfair to her and I knew she couldn’t keep anyway. She needed to know in no uncertain terms that it was over once and for all.

    I probably did hurt her, but continuing to be together would have caused each of us unnecessary pain.

  10. I’d rather be honest but tell the essentials in the kindest way possible. I did once – because I only broke up once – but it’s not a recipe for lessening the pain.

    I would rather someone give it to me straight than come with the bullshit “it’s not you it’s me” thing. It’s vague, it’s not telling anything, and it is simply lazy. And I could use a number of worse ways to describe it.

  11. Keep that golden face and be honest baby. As long as you are honest and true %99.99 of the time people around you will recognize this and trust your word which is a powerful thing imo. Then when you actually do need to lie it goes under the radar most of the time.

  12. I think you state your position on the relationship (that it is over), and you are willing to go into details now or later (if you’re willing). Then be honest if they press. They do deserve truth, but they don’t deserve to be attacked.

    If there are things they did wrong, it benefits them to hear it. If there is nothing they could have done, they deserve to hear that too.

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