I’m currently in university working on a year-long final year group project with 3 other schoolmates I’m not that familiar with. The 4 of us recently met up for a rehearsal and later split up to go home. The only other girl in the group and I walked the same route to the train station, and since we were gonna be stuck in the same team for a year I was eager to get to know her more. At first I tried to make casual talk, but she only gave terse replies and continued texting on her phone, not once even glancing over at me as we walked beside each other. I got the hint that she wasn’t interested in holding a conversation with me, so I clammed up and sure enough, the entire time we walked together, she acted as if I weren’t there at all. Waited for the traffic light, took an escalator three floors down and went through a shopping mall in what was the most agonizing silence I’d ever experienced. The only other time she spoke was to say “bye” before we parted ways. Really wanted the floor to swallow me there.
The weird thing is she jokes around and talks to others just fine, I have no idea why it was different with me. I’m generally very reticent and struggle with crippling anxiety and low self-esteem issues, so that was kinda hurtful and left me wondering if something was wrong with me, even though I try to remind myself she might’ve just been too tired to socialise that day.
It feels really shitty to be ignored like this, especially when it’s by someone I was genuinely interested to befriend. :/
3 comments
I would suggest just let her be. Sometimes people just dont chime with you. A friendship is formed by two parties, you did your part, good effort. Clearly she dropped the ball.
I am not suggesting that you give her the cold shoulder but let friendship develop naturally if it ever does between you two. Honestly, life is too short to worry about how a single person perceives you
It’s not you. Trying to be someone’s friend is never wrong, but folks get to pass on the offered friendship.
I mean, do you really want to be friends with someone that’s so hard to talk to? What if that’s what the whole friendship would be like? You always trying to be the friend and her sometimes doing the bare minimum doesn’t sound like a good time.
I used to operate under the idea that any friend was better than none, but it’s not true. Some people are so rude or toxic that you’re better off listening to songs or reading a book on your way to the station.
These days, I use a 3 strike rule when it comes to stuff like this. If they’re at a bar or on the bus, I try three times to strike up a conversation and stop if it goes nowhere. If they’re someone I see routinely, like a coworker or classmate, I try on three different days. It gives someone who is having a bad day, shy, or isn’t good at conversation another chance and I only spin my wheels a little.
Someone who wants to chat will easily carry their half of the conversation or they will be obviously trying if theyre not good at small talk. Someone who wants to be your friend will seek you out once they realize you’re open to that friendship.
…but don’t waste your time chasing parked cars. It’s not a good look nor is it good for your mental health.
She sounds like a creep. There is something seriously wrong with ignoring someone when you’re walking right next to them.