I’m very confused at the moment because there’s this thing that we’ve been fighting about for almost a week now. Though it ended with him conceding, it certainly concerned me that it was this hard for him and I’m seriously considering separating due to this, among other factors.
So he decided not to fap to his exes when we started dating 2 years ago. Fast forward to now, he recently asked if I’d be ok with him doing it. But I believe he wasn’t really asking but more expecting to me to agree and if I felt uncomfortable, he’d give me time to come to terms with it.
We’ve gone thru multiple discussions where our agreements would change and I’ll list them off, but all in all I’m not ok with this and he has acknowledged himself that it makes sense.
1. He can fap to anyone he wants (this was in standby until I had my therapy session to consult my therapist)
2. I proposed (that doesn’t mean I was ok, I was just conforming) that he can fap to anyone but 2 exes who I had a real problem with. He agreed on the condition that in a month or week I re-think those 2 people, as in I come to terms with it.
3. (After more discussions) The same agreement but now instead of having a month or week, I tell him how I feel after we are settled in the new country we supposedly are planning to move to which would be end of the year (he wants to go, I don’t).
4. The same agreement but now he has decided to make the sacrifice and will not pressure me about those 2 girls unless it really becomes seriously distressing for him. And in this case I would be expected to make the sacrifice the same way he did and give in.
5. (After consulting my therapist again and realizing that I’m just not ok with any of this and hoping he’ll respect that. Also after he made a promise to be more compassionate towards my feelings and saying I can always speak up) He cannot fap to his any of his exes until after our trip. After that he can with the exception of the 2 girls. I decided I didn’t want any of this because on our trip we’ll be meeting up with some of those girls and I find that highly disrespectful that he’s wanking off to them in our house while I’m there as we count down the weeks to our trip. He agreed but frankly after all this shit I’m not even sure I want to be with someone who puts me thru hell bc he wants to jerk off so badly to his exes.
Before I asked him to just not do it period, we said he could start this Saturday (today) and I approached him yesterday night. He got so upset bc in his own words he was looking forward to this all week and fantasizing about everything he wanted to do and it was completely unfair of me to say just hours before that I didn’t want him to do it at all. He really disgusts me.
Now I’m confused bc I said that I’m trying to set my boundary about what I’m ok with when it comes to other women and he said that he is also trying to set his boundary. He keeps saying that if it were reversed he’d be fine with it and would let me as long as I don’t cheat. He says I have high standards and requiere lots of boundaries whereas he doesn’t so he’ll start to feel like it’s unfair.
I don’t know what to do or think here
3 comments
For some reason the comments aren’t showing. I was wondering if someone could explain to me exactly why or how it is disrespectful because he doesn’t seem to understand and I’m pretty bad at expressing myself
What does he have to do for you to think being with him is/was a mistake?
It’s 2 years(?) together and you are married and he’s sexually excited and bragging about other people?
This relationship is going to only grow worse with time, as long as you stay with him.
To answer if he would be looking at old nudes, no. First that’s not his thing and second he deleted that a long time ago in his own accord. It would be him using his fake instg, that he uses to follow random models, to follow his exes social media so he can get his fix.