I’ve been seeing a guy (29M) and I’m 26F. It’s been going quite well – we’ve been on three dates, we chat outside of seeing each other, we’ve kissed, etc. We haven’t slept together but I imagine we will soon. I’m not looking to be super committed or anything at the moment, but I’m not huge on super casual sex. I’d like to know if he’s actively sleeping with other people before we’re intimate. We haven’t discussed what we’re looking for and I don’t want to pose it as a question that sounds jealous or anything – I really don’t mean it to be a weird question, I just know what I’m looking for and if he’s currently seeing other women consistently then I’ll probably move on. How would you frame this question/how would you feel to be on the receiving end?
4 comments
What’s our end goal here? Do you want to be in a relationship down the line?
It’s a question you should be asking anyway for sexual health reasons!
“Hey, since we’ve been hanging out for a while, I wanted to ask if you are seeing other people? If so that’s fine, it won’t upset me, but I’m only interested in pursuing a physical relationship that is exclusive. We don’t need to rush things relationship-wise but if we’re sleeping together, I’d like to know that you aren’t sleeping with other people.”
Kinda sounds like you want to be exclusive which is fine and might be an easier angle.
Ask about exclusivity. If he reacts positively, chances are he isn’t, otherwise he probably is. It’s also a perfect segue to explicitly ask if he’s been with people… personally I don’t even want to know with people I date. If I’m at that point I go for exclusivity and ask if they’re clean
It’s perfectly fine to want to know if you’re sharing penis with other people, regardless of official relationship status. It’s a health concern.
“Hey, there’s no smooth way to ask about this but I feel like it’s important to make sure we are open and honest with each other. I think we are moving towards things becoming sexual between us, and I take my sexual health seriously. I want you to know that sex or not doesn’t define anything between us, but I do like to be aware if my sexual partner is sleeping with other people. Do you mind if I ask if you are? And if not, would you be respectful enough to tell me if you did while we were seeing each other?”