My friend (25f) has been asking me (23f) ,since December ,to be her gf. I told her to start taking me out on dates and will see. We banged a couple times, we privately dating for maybe 2 weeks before arguments after arguments broke out. When the new year came in , I told her I liked her as a friend and I want us to go back to that. She was very mad bout my decision ,she left me in a parking lot and drove off. The next day she called me and told me she was extremely sorry she was very mad in the moment and still doesn’t accept that I want us to be friends, she knows she can do better. And I asked her why are you acting as if I’m kicking you out my life , I still like u but we’re not compatible on relationship terms. She continues to babble on bout how she can fix this,she can be better for me, she doesn’t want anyone else,etc. I couldn’t even change the conversation without her circling back to the relationship talk.
So for a week I decided to ignore her calls, and texts until yesterday, she told me she cant stand that im putting up boundaries, it starting to make her like me less now, she doesn’t want to continue seeing me anymore. As soon as I said I understand ,she got all hectic and panicking saying noo! I want another chance.
TL;DR : I really don’t want her to become a stranger in my life ,how do I fix this?
I can’t help but feel like I should of never said yes in the first place, I never said we can’t date again,I just need us to be friends right now. I don’t understand why she having such a hard time with it?
Advice?
40 comments
You can’t be friends any more.
She wants something you don’t want. And she’s never going to drop it. Plus she’s getting scary. Plus she literally said she won’t respect your boundaries.
You don’t understand how someone would have a hard time being just friends with a person they want to date? How old are you? This isn’t that deep. You stop being her friend. She’s toxic
She’s no longer your friend, she’s your ex.
> she told me she cant stand that im putting up boundaries
And she’s a bad ex you should steer clear of.
> I don’t understand why she having such a hard time with it?
Because she wants to get what she wants and doesn’t want to have to deal with you saying no.
She’s trying to manipulate you and panicking when it fails.
It appears with this One, Hun, You cannot have Her Cake and Take——IT TWO. She wants you as a boyfriend and no Ifs, Buts about it. She will continue to haunt you every time you bang her or just say to be friends. Be casual acquaintances. If she continues acting spoiled like This—–DISS. Ignore her until she may come to her senses but not seeing That.
First of all, when somebody you are friends with wants to be in a relationship and you don’t, respect that. Respect you can’t be friends anymore because you two want different things.
Now that we’re over the basic relationships etiquette, block her and move on. She’s toxic and seems to have the potential to be abusive. Get out of that.
> how do I fix this?
Fix what? There’s nothing here to fix. She doesn’t want to be your friend and she’s being pushy and disrespectful. When she says she wants another chance, she means she wants another chance to try and talk you into dating. She is never going to accept you saying no.
This is not a friendship. Cut the cord and stick to it.
She tried to manipulate you and backpedaled when it failed. This isn’t good friendship material. She’s having a hard time with it because she wants to get her way and won’t accept anything less. I’d focus on other friendships instead of trying to salvage one with a person like this.
She sounds toxic and you sound like an unempathetic jerk.
>I told her I liked her as a friend and I want us to go back to that.
I mean… You can’t? You banged and dated and she’s into you.
>She was very mad bout my decision ,she *left me in a parking lot and drove off*. The next day she called me and told me she was extremely sorry she was very mad in the moment and still *doesn’t accept that I want us to be friends, she knows she can do better.*
Yikes.
>I asked her why are you acting as if I’m kicking you out my life , I still like u but we’re not compatible on relationship terms.
Because she doesn’t WANT to be your friend, she wants to date you. You just dated and dumped her. This Isn’t hard to understand
>She continues to *babble on* bout how she can fix this,she can be better for me, she doesn’t want anyone else,etc.
It’s clear you don’t actually have much respect for her as an equal agent in the world to you.
>So for a week I decided to ignore her calls, and texts until yesterday, she told me *she cant stand that im putting up boundaries, it starting to make her like me less now*, she doesn’t want to continue seeing me anymore. As soon as I said I understand ,*she got all hectic and panicking saying noo! I want another chance.*
Just… Yikes.
>I never said we can’t date again,I just need us to be friends right now.
You can imagine then, surely, why she’d have difficulty letting it go, since you told her you’d still be willing to date down the line?
>I don’t understand why she having such a hard time with it?
Oh… Nevermind then.
This friendship is over, you have to come to terms with that.
She’s gonna keep in contact in the hopes that she will eventually change your mind – she just proved that to you. It’s gonna be up to you to block contact.
Anyone who won’t take no for an answer is dangerous. Block her. There is no salvaging this.
This is classic toxic bullshit. Cut it off now. Don’t put up with it for 10 years like I did.
It seems she was expecting that joke we like to make about lesbians- how they move in together 3wks after meeting.
Not once has she mentioned anything about being your friend, she wants to date. Could it be that what you thought was a friend, was a person just being around you until you gave her a chance?
This is done. There’s absolutely no point in trying to hold on to this situation. Move on.
2 things that ruin friendships:
sex and lending/borrowing money. So no more banging friends ok?
This is an extremely toxic relationship, there’s no salvaging this, you can’t just go back to being just friends the world doesn’t work like that
Just tell her that you tried being in a relationship but it didn’t work for you. You would like to remain platonic friends but if that doesn’t work for her, then you need to part ways permanently. If she keeps acting like she has been, block and ghost her.
She’s sad and angry you won’t be her girlfriend, and that’s not unusual, but it’s not your problem. She can’t bully you into being her girlfriend.
In the straight world, exes rarely stay friends and they take their sore feelings and go— it’s nice that in the lesbian world staying friends is more common, but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy or even possible.
Oof, she’s acting like a total ##niceguy
You need to cut her off before it escalates
You shouldn’t have this psycho in your life at all… Left you in a parking lot just because she was mad? That’s fucked up and terrifying
This sounds like she’s attached to you in a way that’s not only unhealthy, but she also sounds like she has a mental health diagnosis or difficulty with emotion regulation and attachment.
It’s a horrible feeling, I’ve been there. You have to just cut the cord.
However I do think you’re kind of a jerk for “take me out and we will see” and you banging her and just peacing.
She was, and never will be, a friend. Friends respect each other’s boundaries. Friendship requires, at a minimum, trust and respect. From what you’ve written, your connection with her has none of these things.
You can’t be friends with this person, they’re not respecting your boundaries and likely never wanted to be friends but actually just wanted to have you.
You can’t fix this because you’ve done nothing wrong, you tried it and it didn’t work out. This person is out of line and you can’t change them, just blocan and move on
Well she sounds exhausting…
It sounds to me like you led her on and are continuing to lead her on. You like her adoration and the attention you get from her.
For both of your sakes, cut all contact.
Let her go OP. She threatened to be out of your life just to manipulate you, then panicked when it didn’t work.
That kind of manipulation then love bombing will just cycle until you find yourself in a relationship you don’t want to be in, being controlled by someone you don’t romantically.
If it’s so easy for her to threaten to walk away from you entirely, this relationship foundation is surface deep. Let it go, not worth it at all
Damn, that girl is nothing but drama, and she is already trying to manipulate you.
Well done for having boundaries cos if this is how she’s acting in less than 2months, can you imagine after a year?
It’s going to be hard and hurt both of you a lot, but you need to cut her out of your life. Tell her you need to move on and she can’t be in your life right now. It doesn’t necessarily mean forever. Maybe in a while if she figures her shit out, you could try being friends again. But for now, she is incredibly toxic, and that’s only going to hurt you. Block her, ignore any contact she tries to make, and try to forget about her.
>I just need us to be friends right now. I don’t understand why she having such a hard time with it? Advice?
You need to block her everywhere and do not speak to her. She can’t be “just friends” with you, and she won’t respect your boundaries.
It sounds as though she was far more into you than you were into her, and she can’t handle the situation right now…
Nothing for you to fix here, she needs to fix her ideas that you two will be in a relationship and if she can’t do that then there is no way forward with a friendship.
You cannot go back to being friends when one of you has romantic/sexual feelings and the other one doesn’t. It cannot be fixed.
You can’t be friends, I’m afraid.
Not anything here to fix. You can’t go back.
“she can’t stand that you’re putting up boundaries now”
This is an absolute red flag, you don’t want her as a friend or anything more.
If she can’t respect your boundaries she’s not a friend. Block her and move on.
A lot of times, you cannot go into a relationship and then go back to being friends. She wants to date you, not be your friend, and you don’t want to date her. These are incompatible relationship goals, be it romantic or friendship. You need to stop talking to her so she can get over you. Get another friend because you can’t just bang someone who has feelings for you and go back to being friends like nothing happened. That’s rather cold, no matter what happened.
stop communication with her, she’s not respecting ur decision, and the fact that she left u in a parking lot?? um what? not worth ur time
Uhhhh bad idea to remain friends, or consider any sort of relationship at all, with a person who says “I hate that you’re putting up boundaries, and it makes me like you less.” Because it means they’re gonna ignore them and make you uncomfortable as soon as it benefits them.
it’s the reason that sometimes when we reject someone, we have to get them out of our lives (or get out of their lives).
because they can’t take the rejection as-is and they think there is something that they can do or change to make you change your mind.
you might want her in your life but you can see that she’s not going to let you be, so you may have to do the hard choice and cut her from your life.
>I really don’t want her to become a stranger in my life
Uhhh why? The fact is she’s shown herself to have 0 respect or boundaries when it comes to you.
She’s a red flag run
You can’t be a friend with someone who is determined *not* to be your friend, no matter the reason behind their determination.
There is nothing to “fix” here. You are in an unfortunate position, where you must cut ties.
**You can’t change her mind on what your relationship should be, any more than she can change yours.**
Dude just block her. She’s a delusional creep who straight up said “I don’t like you putting up boundaries, it kills my attraction to you”.
She wants to steamroll you, she doesn’t give a single shit what you want, you’re an object to her. That’s pretty freaking gross