So me and my housemate have been living together for a year and a half and over this time have become very close best friends (our tenancy ends in July). This has been the case especially over the last few weeks as our other housemate has been away. We spend most of our day together, cuddle very intimately, go out to restaurants, etc – the things you would expect from a couple. We flirt A LOT and are pretty sexual around each other but it’s more in a joking way and we even chose to spend NYE together over spending it with other friends. It’s gone so far that our friends, family and even strangers think that we are dating but we always laugh this off. You can tell there’s a lot of sexual tension between us. In this period of living together neither of us have dated or seen anyone.
Now I really like her and want to tell her so bad – if I don’t, I know I will regret it but I also do not want to cross any boundaries and not being able to take things further is killing me inside. Also the fact that we are living together makes it much harder. However, in a conversation we had she has said she doesn’t like the idea of dating or being in a relationship because of the tedious process of meeting someone, getting to know them and also because she wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with me. So, it’s left me feeling confused and it’s not good for my mental health – I just want some closure and I need to know how she feels but I don’t know how to ask her whilst keeping the friendship intact if she says no.
TLDR: I like my housemate- we already act very coupley – how can I tell her?
32 comments
*”I’ve always wondered how things would work out if we started dating…”*
Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.
It isn’t directly asking her out.
It isn’t a statement that could jeopardise your friendship.
It isn’t an ultimatum.
But it should give you your answer.
Ultimately, if you have feelings for her and she doesn’t feel the same; would you be happy carrying on as just friends?
That’s probably the worst thing for your own mental health if you’re pining for someone who doesn’t feel the same way and you’re spending all your time with them.
That wouldn’t be some sort of 2nd prize. It will probably fuck you up along with any chance you have of starting a meaningful relationship with someone else in the longrun.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute about something?”
“Sure Brave_Interaction437. What’s up?”
“I like you a lot as a person, & I’m really into you. I think we should date. I would understand if you are not-“
“SHUT UP AND KISS ME DORK”
> she has said she doesn’t like the idea of dating or being in a relationship because of the tedious process of meeting someone, getting to know them and also because she wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with me
I don’t mean to be hard on you, but HONEY…she is literally telling you to your face that she’s waiting for you lol. Y’all are already together, just without the title.
I know it can feel scary, but next time you’re cuddling, just say “hey, I really like you. It feels like we’re already dating, can we make it official?” Say it however feels natural to you, but be clear about what you mean.
OP, literally just tell her, she clearly likes you!! Especially with that tedious comment. and please post an update! 🙂
Oh my goodness she’s practically telling u to be official with her just make the move bro 😭
She’s clearly not into you. She only wants to date guys she knows already. Probably lives with. Who she flirts with a lot and people already see as a couple. If only you could be so lucky.
I’m going to say while the positive sentiment here is good you want to tread carefully if you want to continue to live with her. I’d suggest taking a walk together and gently broaching the subject of becoming a couple. If it’s a yes, we’ll then you have a future together. If it’s a maybe give it some time. And if it’s a no then you’ve been gentle and cool about it.
She doesn’t want to go through the tedium of meeting someone new, and she doesn’t want to lose time with you??
OP, she told you she wants you 😅🫠 you don’t have to go all in with declarations of love, but it sounds like she’s telling you she likes you, talk to her, ask her out
You my friend, sound like you are not very good at picking up on hints.
This isn’t my original comment but it’s one I copied from a similar post to yours from a while back:
*Alright. As someone who ended up marrying my best friend after years of telling the world we were just friends, here is my advice: shut up and date. You both want to. It’s obvious that you’re both into each other. Clearly there’s a fantastic connection there. Stop thinking of all the reasons it won’t work, let’s be honest here, it probably will.*
Just do it… Even if she says no, you won’t die.
So in her own words, she doesn’t like dating because of the “tedious process of meeting someone, getting to know them and she wouldn’t be to spend as much time with” you.
Let’s think about this statement and adjust slightly.
She doesn’t need to meet you.
She doesn’t need to get to know you.
She would not have to spend less time with you.
Seems very clearly like she already put the ball in your court to do something.
I’m a dude and normally blind as hell to signals. But how I would approach this, because I’m assuming you asked why she doesn’t date and got that answer.
“I have been hung up on something you said about dating, but we have already met, we know each other fairly well, and we like spending time together.”
Says this while locked on to her eyes, then let a fat tense silence build for a couple heartbeats and flat out tell her, “I am into you. Would you date me?”
If rejected, fine, be friends enjoy her company then when the lease is up and you move apart away you go.
I really think she was telling you what she wanted though and it will go the way you want.
OMG this is cute af. Please OP let us know how it goes
Next time you cuddle, literally just give a small kiss on top of her head.
If she freaks out say that you accidentally bumped her.
If she asks what was that, just say nothing and see what she says.
If she does anything else, you’re welcome 😉
Please reference this post when you show your wedding pictures. Good luck to you both!
Boy, it really is true some men are denser than a Block of steel
Please just confess. We all wanna know how it plays out! I’m rooting for you two
I’m glad this didn’t end up being a creepy room mate situation like I was expecting from the title.
so there’s this
>she has said she doesn’t like the idea of dating or being in a relationship because of the tedious process of meeting someone, getting to know them and also because she wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with me.
So yea, I want you to re-read that a minimum of 20 times. Then, maybe you’ll get an idea of how she feels about you.
” also because she wouldn’t be able to spend as much time with me.”
Bro she likes you. Tell her how you feel.
My guy you gotta do this. The regret you will carry will outweigh whatever the worst case scenario in this is.
Saving this so hopefully I can see an update.
[This video may be helpful.](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
OP , I’d suggest if you’re confident she’s feeling you or flirting, make a move (obviously don’t be too aggressive or creepy) but lean in for a kiss one day when you’re already flirty or cuddling.
this is a more natural and less daunting progression than saying it all out loud. If she has skepticism about dating, a kiss may not set off alarms, but would follow a natural progression.
If she backs up, or isn’t into it, it’s easy to brush it off and say you got caught up in a moment, but you apologize and didn’t mean to come on too forward. But I’d argue a blunt conversation isn’t always the best way to do it; it might feel good getting it off *your* chest, but it might be a little much for her.
Don’t let it be a huge thing in your mind, the more you think about it, the more awkward you’re going to feel, walk into it with the idea “I’m confident she’s into me, we have a great time, and when the timing feels right, I’m going to kiss her”
And the best case scenario is she jumps your bones because y’all have been into it for a while, worst case is she says no. But I think that first kiss can really be so valuable for expressing the tension physically; conversing about doesn’t always facilitate that.
dude, she literally told you she loves you. ask her while you’re cuddling, etc.
i very highly doubt you’ll get through the first sentence before she says yes
I’ve saved this post so I can read the happy update later. Dude! Tell her!
Wake up!! Ask her out. Be up front. The only way to get past this is to go through it. Life is short. Take a tiny risk.
Dear internet, I’m in love with my roommate who keeps sending very positive signals and hinting that we should hook up. I don’t know what to do! Pls help.
This happened to a friend of mine – she moved in with two guys, one moved out, the other guy confessed his feelings, she confessed hers, and they’re now very happily married with an 8-year-old kid. Let us know how it works out!
My first instinct was to say: don’t.
After reading your post: She gave you the green light in her own way. She’s not giving you mixed signals my friend. You are just misinterpreting her “GO” signal. She has already told you dating is tedious because she has to get to know someone new. YOU AREN’T NEW.
It’s easy pal.
Next time you see her, give her a giant hug and kiss her like you’ve always wanted to. If it makes you feel better, ask her if you can kiss her beforehand.
Good luck.
Just tell her. You said so yourself, you know you will regret it if you don’t.
Be casual about it. Hey i like you as more than friends, i would love to explore that further. If you don’t feel the same that’s fine and i will deal with it.
She’s already given you so many clues it’s not funny. She really likes you.
Don’t want to get your hopes up OP, but a close friend of mine recently got married. Her husband and her were initially just friends and became roommates. After a year of living together they started dating and haven’t looked back since. 😊