I’ve deleted the content for privacy because I’m paranoid now that he’ll find it but will update tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

47 comments

  2. Maybe he deleted the app?

    But also just curious – is there a reason you keep checking? I get it you showed it to your friend but then why did you go back to check it again? If there is something you want to know shouldnt you be able to ask him?

  3. > Should I take this as a sign that things are over?

    That what is over? Nothing ever started. You’re both just each others’ booty call. Maybe he found a new booty call? Maybe he found someone he wants to be serious about? Maybe he was drunk and did something on the app while not thinking it through?

    Conclusion: There’s no way to know what’s going on unless you ask. Ask him.

  4. I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. Like someone else said he could have also deleted the app. I would bring it up on the date and say “hey I went to show you off to one of my friends and noticed we weren’t matched anymore, should I read anything into that?”

    If things have been going well otherwise then I don’t see a reason to assume the worst here!

  5. That happened to me too but I continued to see the guy casually. I think some guys after they meet in person and get socials/phone number clear out their matches?

  6. Reading too much into it. You’re not dating or hooking up with the app. You’re hooking up with him. He may have deactivated or hidden his account.

    If his behavior changes, ask questions. There’s no point in using a dating app as some kind of tea leaves mechanism to read into the status of your relationship. But if y’all don’t even communicate outside of your dates, I’m not totally sure what the loss would be to you, to be honest (You said you have fun, but fun is a dime a dozen).

    If it bothers you so much that you feel like you need to ask him, then do it. But just go into that scenario being clear about the many different ways he could receive/feel about to such an inquiry, especially if the unmatch was completely arbitrary, accidental, etc.

  8. Idk about worried but in my experience people unmatch someone to stop them from seeing their profile. I would ask why if I wanted to know.

  9. Kinda already answered your question in the daily thread, but when I was in this same situation I sent the dude a text along the lines of “hey I know this might be an odd thing to bring up and I know everyone uses the apps differently, but I noticed you’d unmatched me. In my past experience this usually means the guy is moving on and hasn’t gotten around to telling me yet. Just wanted to check where we’re standing. 😊”

    We were hooking up in a sort of… Affectionate, respectful way if you want to call it that, so expecting that kind of direct communication wasn’t out of place. We then had a conversation about him not being ready to date and not wanting to play with people’s feelings so me bringing it up actually saved me time and let me move on sooner… This is clearly on your mind so I’d definitely bring it up in a friendly/curious manner when you meet him. For all you know, he’s just decided he’s happy continuing with what you guys have and deleted the app. That, or he unmatched you because he wants to clear his list for new matches, or he’s updating his profile and doesn’t want to seem obvious about actively dating/hooking up with others even if he wants to keep seeing you.

  11. Why are you worried about someone youre not exclusive with and rarerly text….sounds to me like youre being purposefully delosional only setting yourself up for heart ache?

  12. He may have unmatched you so you don’t see that he’s updated his profile or he could have simply deleted the app. I’ll often unlatch guys I’m actively dating so they don’t see when I make tweaks, etc. I wouldn’t worry, just have a conversation tomorrow and make sure you’re on the same page with your dating goals, etc.

    Good luck!

  13. It’s been 3 months of actual in person dating. I assume it means absolutely nothing. It’s not a social media account. It served its purpose.

  14. Are you sure he didn’t delete his account? Some apps (like Hinge and Tinder) don’t differentiate between unmatching and deleting an account – the chat just disappears. I was dating someone who disappeared, and we continued to date for a while after that – he’d just deleted his account.

  15. Wild consideration: if you’re still texting him and dating him you could always just like ask him about the unmatch? 3 months in if you want to be serious and exclusive with him this could be the time to have that conversation too. Like if you’re noticing and worried maybe it’s because you want to be exclusive and this is your mind’s way of showing that to you.

  16. There’s no reason to have a match anymore when you’re already talking. What would be the point?

  17. I think you caught feelings but don’t want to admit it. Whether or not he unmatched you doesn’t matter if you just want it casually with him. Why don’t you ask him directly during the date?

  18. After some weird experiences with dating apps, I would definitely bring this up with him as a red flag with the expectation that I’m probably going to make my exit.

  20. Where do you usually communicate? If it was in the app I’d definitely feel strange about the unmatching, especially if it wasn’t backed up with a text message explaining what was happening.

    I’d likely text to confirm the date—hey so and so, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow 😉

    And then ask him about it on the date.

  21. You asking this means you really like him. I found that women who really like a guy will tend to overthink things. If you and him have been in good spirits around each other and he did not seem upset with you in any way then do not worry. From what I read I only can see that you really into him

  22. Is it Tinder or another app where you can see how many kilometers they are away from you? I’ve always felt that to be a bit of an invasion of privacy.

  23. “Hey, I noticed we’re unmatched on Hinge. Are we still on for tomorrow?” Takes a lot less effort & worry to ask instead of imaging reasons why…

  24. I’m more interested in why you are going to the app and checking. Sounds like a red flag for him.

  25. Probably blocked you so he can keep swiping. But I have unmatched people that I had already gave number. Or sometimes deactivate my account.

  26. Women’s biology actually makes casual sex incredibly difficult to sustain over the long term.

    You wrote a lot about this feeling like platonic friendship and stuff but the real Q is ; do you want something more with him regardless of what he told you initially?

    (The following is written, yes for OP, but also for any other women who are in a “situationship” right now):

    If so, Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but since this has been casual for 3 months (anything over 6-8 weeks/dates) it’s very unlikely you’re going to turn this into a relationship. Your best bet would be to speak up now and see what he says. If he AGAIN says something along the lines of he’s not ready for more/he needs time/this is working for him or gaslights you for wanting more, etc. then that will NEVER change and unless you’re okay with being in a situationship for the foreseeable future- I’d recommend you jump ship. He’s put you in the “will not date” category.

    Sure it’s 3 months gone – but short-term pain for long term gain in this scenario. Cutting your losses early will allow you to call in a more suitable partner who’s looking for the same thing as you- caveat being you need to frame that you want a relationship on the first date with the next man you date. That way all the stuff you do together would naturally lead to a relationship.

    For women I highly recommend following Elliot Scott dating coach (YouTube insta etc). He’s kind of brass but his shit works as it’s based on male psychology. Highly recommend if you’re not having long term success in your dating life. It’s helped me loads!

    Not to mention that staying in a situationship actually prevents the right person from coming into your life. You’re literally signalling to the universe this is what you’re content with and the universe wouldn’t have a “gap” to fill…

    Just some food for thought said with love. Take what resonates. Best of luck out there sisters!!!! No settling!!!

  27. I had someone do that I was seeing and I got annoyed because I liked to read our convos at times. I asked him why and he is like why not we hsve each others numbers its not like a linked in and laughed it off. I still feel it was shitty 😂🤷🏼‍♀️

  28. >We’re not exclusive, rarely text

    >If he knows he has something to do the next morning right away, he’ll ask if I’d rather do it another time.

    He won’t go on a date with you unless sex/sleepover is guaranteed. You’re more FWB than dating IMO.

  29. Just ask him about it. I think there’s a decent chance that there’s an innocuous explanation for it- maybe he deactivated his profile, or maybe you’re just experiencing a weird glitch with the app and his profile was just randomly removed from your matches (I’ve had something similar happen on dating apps before, and other comments seem to indicate that others have as well). But if it is bad news- like the end of your relationship, then better to ask and get a concrete answer from him than to try to stay silent and hope to figure out his motives yourself.

    Bottom line- the only person who can give you the answer is him (and maybe the dating app’s customer support. But I’d still recommend asking him first). If he asks how you noticed/why you were on the app, you said you’re not exclusive so I don’t think it should be an issue for you to be honest and tell him that you were on the app talking to other people and happened to notice him missing from your matches.

  30. Just talk to him. It sounds like you’re wildly speculating on what could be a very simple and innocent situation.

    Maybe he deactivated his account and that’s how it appeared on your side. Maybe he was just unmatching everyone. Maybe someone else was using his phone. Maybe he secretly wants to break up and this is the best way he found to communicate it… who knows. No point in speculation or assuming the worst. Just be honest and sincere and talk to the guy.

  33. Perhaps he started seeing someone he wants to have a relationship with so he deleted his profile but he wants to have sex with you one more time before he tells you.

  34. it could be something the app does automatically after time goes by without any activity

  37. I’ve had lots of girls un match me as soon as we exchange numbers. It just means you’re in the bag and she doesn’t want you crowding up her new prospects.

    I wouldn’t worry about it it just means you’ve moved up a que

  39. I unmatch in those situations so if I change my profile they won’t see it. Even thought we’re not exclusive sometimes ppl feel a way about that

  40. It’s weird to keep checking his profile when you have his number and have been hanging out for months.

  42. Communication. This is one of those times asking reddit is pointless. You need to talk to them about exclusivity and your future. Any other answer here is pointless.

  43. Mention nothing about the unmatched and see if they confirm. My casual unmatched me several times and I never questioned it. He also hits me up often and we’re at about two years linking.

  44. Just ask him. If you don’t like the answer then at least you’ll know the truth. Btw, if you’ve been dating for three months and having sex and feel so much anxiety about asking him this….you might want to reevaluate your communication skills and any attachment issues. You’re literally sharing your body intimately with him and are afraid to ask about his dating profile? Just seems like ….a red flag 🚩

  45. I don’t understand how “easy platonic intimacy with good sexual intimacy” works together. Either a great platonic rapport or good sexual intimacy (which is not platonic at all). Does that mean the sex is good, but you’re one of the guys outside of sex? He may want something different.

    Why don’t you ask him?

  46. My take after reading some of the comments is that you’re over-invested in this and over thinking it. If I was casually seeing someone I wouldn’t think they’d care if I deleted their profile, it’s not like it’s something serious where you’re worried the other person could think you’re hiding something. If you’re new to the city it’s time to expand your social circle beyond your hookups

  47. Ok seriously maybe im just old school but how do people just casually date for 3 months? People shouldn’t need more than a month to see if they wanna make things exclusive.

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